I've been married for 13 years, and my husband and I have 4 young children. Three years ago, I had a short-term (3 months) emotional and physical affair, which I ended and confessed to my husband. He was of course very hurt, but he claimed to forgive me. He wanted to basically sweep the matter under the rug and move on together.
Nine months later, he became involved in an affair with a married woman with two children...friends of ours. It began with flirting via text/email, turned into emotional and eventually became a full-on emotional physical and emotional affair. After a year, she finally divorced her husband. My husband filed for divorce at the same time, but after two weeks of living alone, dropped the divorce and moved back home.
Since that time, he has filed for divorce twice more; about 6 months ago (again, he came back after 2 weeks) and just a few weeks ago, yet he hasn't told anyone yet (including our children or his parents). Things had been very happy since the time he had left before, but recently he said he realized he doesn't feel the same about me anymore (ie not in love anymore) and thinks we will all be happier if we divorce.
I want to save my marriage....I don't want to put my children through this pain again. Please advise. Thank you, lc4
Have you ever seen the movie "Fireproof"...or read "the Love Dare" ?? I suggest if not that you do...I dont know what your "religious" veiws are but in some cases even an agnostic can benefit from it.
It soudns like maybe your husband doesnt really know what exactly he wants...coming and going all the time. Also the words "in love" in my opinion are just those. We fall in and out of love all the time with our spouses (and even others in our lives) but that doesnt mean its over.
Maybe the affair you had he never got over, therefore caused him to "get even" which is never a good idea but seems logical to him....maybe. I have often heard that people who have been cheated on never get over the pain it caused them unless they feel as if the cheater really "gets it" and all to often they dont until its done to them and sometimes that doesnt even help. Dont know if this will help at all and I really dont know what the situation is...I am by no means a counselor and obviously since I am here I have my own set of marital issues. However I have been in couseling for quite a while and have read tons of self help books. Good luck....
Thank you for reaching out, Kelyliz. I'm sorry you find yourself on this board. I completely agree with you regarding falling in and out of love; the point is that love is a decision. Yes, I've seen "Fireproof" and have read "Love Dare." My husband and I saw the movie shortly after his affair was exposed the first time, and we had started the "Love Dare" Bible study together. His interest quickly ended; in fact, he hasn't been to church except for major Christian holidays and when our children have performed in the service or have been baptized for the last couple of years. My faith is very important to me, and I attend and take our children to church every week.
My older 2 children are out of town for 2 more weeks, and my younger 2 leave on Tuesday for a week and a half with grandparents. I told him today that because he has filed for divorce and shows no interest in reconciliation, I need him to move out. I don't want him spending one more night in our home. I feel very used and emotionally abused by him. The coming and going is not okay. He made a decision to file for divorce, and he needs to either follow through this time or to work on our marriage. I'm just so tired of the roller coaster ride he has put me through in the last 3 years.
Kicking my husband out was the most stupid thing (and I've done lots of them) I've ever done. Now he is truly gone. The kids are all out of town (2 at camp and 2 with my in-laws). I've been so incredibly lonely the past 2 days, yet I have 0 interest in getting out or seeing/talking to friends. He is angrier with me than I have ever witnessed before. He is having me officially served with divorce papers tomorrow. Then we will have to ride together 6 hours to pick up our children and spend a few days together next week. He hasn't told his parents about filing, and I haven't told my family. I didn't want to involve them until the kids know. I'm trying so hard to not contact him, but I'm going absolutely crazy. I don't know where he is staying. Today he sent me a text asking if I had received any letters in the last couple of days from the kids, and when I told him "yes," he was FURIOUS with me for not telling him. There is so much anger on his part and so much heartache on mine. It was our anniversary this past weekend. I never thought my heart could hurt this bad. This is truly a physical pain that I feel. How does one ever let go?
My husband sent me a text yesterday telling me he was sorry it took me getting served, but he knew that was the only way I'd take the divorce seriously. We texted back and forth for several hours, and he came home. We ended up sleeping together. This morning, he got up and left. Wow, do I feel stupid.
