Thought I would take a break from my drama and post something good.
Yesterday I 1st ADed a commercial for Disney and it was awesome. * It feels good that my choice to change careers a little over a year ago has paid off. * It felt awesome to work this position for such a big client. * Everyone said it was "great to work with me" or "great job". I feel REALLY good about this because my job is stressful and some times I can come across and mean, or cold.. when I'm stressed. * Piggy backing off of that, I feel its more natural to be less stressed on set. It's still a battle to be positive, but not as much as it used to be. Hooray to change.
Hope everyone takes time to see some positive changes in their lives today. When our sitch constantly suks.. it can be hard. But we ARE changing for the better.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
An A.D. is short for an Assistant Director. A 1st AD is the person that schedules the show and runs the movie set. They are the right hand man of the director.
In some ways, it's very similar to a marriage. When done correctly, a beautiful one. A director has a creative vision, he entrusts the 1st AD to have a gameplan every day on set to take all the logistics of the vision and schedule it so we can "make our day".
I work on mostly movies, but to do a Disney commercial was new territory. It will be my first commercial spot that will air on TV!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Do you recall when you first posted here? You were confused and feeling hopeless about whether DBing had any value or could save your m.
We said "it's first about saving YOU, and then maybe....the m"...
When I read your present posts, I marvel at your growth. Such insight and wisdom from a person here less than 6 months(??)!!
That's huge!
Don't let your fears make you backslide.
You have come far and will do more than survive this. You will thrive. You already are beginning to.
WELL DONE!!!
Congrats on the 1st AD job. I'm familiar with that work (my oldest is in the industry) and it's great you got it and nailed it.
Good for you!
Also, the comment you made a few weeks ago about coming to peace with,
"doing something to help or protect yourself and Not intentionally hurting your w."
That's it. If you KNOW you are being healthy for yourself, & you are honest with her, then so be it.
This is life. It ain't all pretty.
(DId I read that your sister is terminally ill?? Jesus...talk about unfair....puts things in perspective, doesn't it?)
I'll keep sending positives your way.
Keep doing your WORK on YOU, b/c it's working.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
@ TM. I will let you know. That way you can tell me how it turned out. I haven't had cable in over 4 years.
@ 25. Thank you. It means alot that you say that.
It is DBing, but I've been spending alot of time in church, in prayer. I go to a church that really only speaks of God's love for us and others. No fire and brimstone. Just love others the way God loves us. If I'm honest, that's where alot of change is coming from. That's where the love for my w is coming from.
It's been a hard realization that NOT being married to my w right now (or maybe ever) is what God feels is best for me. My head is held high and I do not regret the efforts I did (and continue to put forward) for my w and our r. My 180's about being more positive, listening to her, not being defensive or judging really did help my sitch for a little bit.. but mostly, it helped changed my r's outside of m. Funny how that works.
The 180's for myself in regards the abuse have been difficult. Trying to break a cycle that has been going on for 8 yrs is a constant battle for me. It plays with my mind. If I'm not careful I can turn DBing or even showing God's love into an excuse for letting my w continue to treat me like sh!t. Say that's I can show her grace and love whilst she tries to control and punish me. Say "oh she's just angry or hurt" and while that may be true, that doesn't mean that "excuses" her actions.
I've come to realize that showing her grace, love, and compassion can happen w/o the m. In fact, loving her is giving her the D. Because when I do, I'm out of the picture. She can't use me to not deal with her demons, she can't use me to keep the cycle of abuse coming. She may or may not change, but with me out the picture.. she now has a chance to let God change her. To show her that she is worthy of love and has so much to offer the world. That is my prayer for her.
I also think I need to change my thread title. "too tired to fight" is no longer appropriate. I'm fighting like h3ll right now.. for myself. It's a long journey ahead. Dealing with my w will be like walking into a fire. However, as much as the s sukks, I feel (most days) that it's for the best. I heard a sermon how God allows a sh!tty situation to change people's hearts. I feel that's what's happening here.
Any good ideas for a new title anyone?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I've come to realize that showing her grace, love, and compassion can happen w/o the m.
I think this is beautifully put, Valeska. I know you'll chose something just right for a thread name. Myself, I very much like your words; 'Grace, Love and Compassion'.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
