Its a new month and it's freezing here in Oz. The H has gone MIA and I have come down with the mother of all colds.
Hardly any contact from H last week. Spent that aweful hour with him at dinner last Wednesday nite. Then nothing. Expected this so not upset at all.
Received a text last nite asking when H could see S3 this week. I said anytime just let me know when and what time. He says great I'll see you Wednesday. Hmmmm....me thinks not! I'm not having a repeat of last week.
I finding that i am getting stronger every day/week. I'm not the same pathetic person I was when H first left. I could barely keep food down. I cried for days on end. Now, well I'm still sad and sometimes i get mad. But most of the time I just plug along thinking of things that might make my life better more richer/fullfilling. I think about where I might live and how I'm going to afford it. I think about where I'll go on holiday and how i'll save up for it.
I'm not scared anymore. I know I'll b ok. Infact better than ok. Is it normal to feel this way? If u had asked me two months ago if I wanted my H and M back, I would have not have hesitated. Of course i do! Today is a different story. The truth is I don't know. I haven't felt loved by H for a long time so this empty feeling that I have right now isn't that different.
The truth is he never gave me the time of day during the week. He was too busy with his work or the gym. Then on weekends it was the same story. So the fog seems to have cleared for me. My marriage wasn't that great. H wasn't that great and probably in turn neither was I.
So where does that leave me? Ive realised i need to create my own happiness. No more codependency for me. Heres what I plan to do:
- concentrate on being the best mum I can be. have heaps of fun/expeiences with S3 - concentrate on my work and do a course - lead a healthy life. Continue going to the gym and not eat junk food. - spend more time with friends and enjoy life - go on a holiday with just S3
The show must and will go on. How will it end? Who knows? It's only just begun....
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
I had had enough of my darn cold. My nose is red raw and I've got a six pack from all the coughing I've been doing. So I took myself to the doctors office. Waited 3hrs before I saw her. She knows H quite well as H and her son use to live together. I've only seen her once during this past 2 months.
I was her last patient for the evening so we had ample time to talk. It was really more like a counselling session. It helps that she also has a pschy degree. She tells me that she's had quite alot of experience with mid life crisis, even personally. However, she went on to say that because H is only 33 she is questioning if it's more of a quarter life crisis? Which she doesn't have much experience in but we tried to analyse it anyway.
The point she made was that for the MLCer to get through their crisis they need to hit rock bottom. This can be physically, emotionally, financially, etc, etc.
So we tried to apply this to H. Physically he is in great shape. He does the gym twice a day, runs ever other day and plays sport on the weekend. Financially he has alot of credit card debt but he has since received a pay increase of $40k per year and let's face it his pay will only significantly rise every year from now on. Plus we will sell our house next Feb so we will both get money from the sale. So financially he's ok too. Emotionally not sure??? He is with OW and seems to be using her as s bandaid.
We did alot more analysing but too long to get into it. But basically we were questioning how H would ever hit rock bottom. He is young enough to recover from any mistake that comes his way, eg issues with S3 - no problem I'm young enough to have more children.
I'd really love to hear from people that have had experience with quarter life crisis and what the outcome is/was?
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
RNP, you are very new to this, therefore I think its important not to make any rash decisions. Take your time, look at yourself and continue to develop a plan to improve yourself. Detach from your H and don't worry about what he is doing, you will drive yourself crazy if you do.
Thanks for replying braveheart. I do acknowledge that I am new at this. I am not making any decisions about my M at this stage. The only decision I have made is to focus on me and S3. I was just wondering if anyone had any experience with quarter life crisis as opposed to MLC???
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
Someone says MLC and it conjurs up imagames of a guy buying a red sports car and banging the secretary.
With the fast paced world today, there is little difference between a "QLC" and a "MLC"
Both are similar, both have their begining in the persons childhoods something that happened to them that they were unable to deal with as a child, and later something triggers the memory or wound.
They start looking at their life and are 'unsatisfied' and since few people look at themselves, they look at the people in their lives and blame them for being this way.
By the most current definitions and terms my wife had a "QLC" the trigger? Our oldest boy turning 10.
You deal with it no differently then an MLC..and hence why I like "Life Crisis" better.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack, don't fall over, but I am also with you on this one. RedNailPolish, one other thing I will add, protect yourself financially. Divide up the assets and make sure you have your fair share of money and property.
Jack the image of someone in MLC isn't that far off what from H is doing. Yes he did buy an expensive sports car and he's doing his subordinate. Ewwww makes me sick thinking of it.
And yes Braveheart I have protected myself financially. I seperated our accounts after 1 mnth. He blew all our money and savings within that time. This forum was so helpful and is the reason why I knew what I had to do. Most of the MLCers actions are quite predictable when you think about it. It's up to the LBS to realise if they are willing to put up with it and for how long. And although their actions are predictable the outcome unfortunately is not. Again it's up to the LBS to take the risk of staying or moving on.
I guess in a way what my doctor and I did last night was to analyse the situation, my H and me. We tried to take a sensible approach to a non sensible situation. I didn't say this last nite but she did conclude that based on what I had told her that the sensible thing to do would be to move on. Although she did say to take my time in doing so because it's too soon to make a move.
Im not sure entirely what to do. So I've decided to follow what I know the right thing to do in this situation is: to live my life like H is never coming back. And u know what I'm ok with that.
W - 31 H - 33 Married - 7 years Together - 10 yrs Kids - S 3yrs old Separated - 27/03/11 OW - 10/04/11
