XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

[Return10]

Hello X,
Interesting thread you have here. Sure does sound like you did a 180 without really knowing that's what you were doing.

[XYZ]

I can almost laugh at the drama now. So predictable, and I just don't care anymore.

8:00PM TM from W talking about how the kids swam in the pool today. -- I honestly did not see it until later.

9:00PM TM from W "let me know if you don't want messages from me instead of ignoring me" -- I did see this (and first one) but ignored it until a convenient time for ME to reply.

9:45 - TM TO W: "That's great on kids, yes please feel free to send me any updates you'd like on the kids"

10:00 - TM from W: "Won't happen again". I ignore.

Geezzz. Do they hand out the script in WAS school?

[Return10]

Wow, she sounds like she's really feeling you pull away. I'm coming into this mighty late and it sounds like you're mighty tired, hurt, numb, discouraged, etc. but it also sounds like the hostility is pretty strong between the two of you. Since you have these, I'm sure, precious little children, you and wife will have many years ahead of needing to be a team for them. Do you basically respect your W as a mom?

[XYZ]

Yes, I respect her as a mother. Generally, I think she's a very good mother, but at the same time I see the way she acts these days and have a hard time seeing her actions as "motherly". Know what I mean?

[XYZ]

W seems to have gotten into this habit: She'll text me something benign, maybe about the kids or something. Sometimes, if convenient, I reply. And then she starts to spew venom. I did this, I did that, blah blah blah. I let those sit and ignore them.

This is new behavior on her part since I made it clear that I'm done, but I don't know what to make of it. She's clearly testing, but to what end? She has made it clear on plenty of occasions that she is done, and now I have too. Why try so hard to pick a fight? I don't know why she'd do this. Even though I don't reply, it's still pretty upsetting to see and I don't like it.

Can't decide if I should just continue to ignore them or tell her that she may text me about the kids and any business related item and to not contact me about anything else. Just not sure. I also don't want to close the door for her to come back -- if she opens it, not me.

[XYZ]

A week ago today, I sent W a proposed property settlement and asked her to reply to me with edits within a week. As of today, nothing. Just sent it to my lawyer saying write this up. Maybe she'll reply when she get the documents served.

In our state, parents are required a attend a 4-hour parenting course. In the same email last week I told her this and asked if she wanted to go together or alone. No reply. So, I'm going next week without so much as a comment to her. She can take care of herself now, I'm done done done. No more babysitting.

She want's a D, she gets a D. I sick and tied of not leading. This isn't the direction I wanted to lead in, but it's the direction we're going and I always prefer to lead the way.

This is all such a 180 from where I've been the last 8 months, that it wouldn't surprise me to see her reaction being a reversal; what would surprise me is my response to her reaction - because at this point, I really don't know which way I would go. Guess it would depend on how sincere I feel her to be.

Nice place to be when you (FINALLY) figure out that heads I win; tails I win.

[XYZ]

What a damn mess. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate this? I'm sure NONE of you feel that way!

I get "over" it, I lean out, she leans it, I get hopeful again. Why do I allow myself to do that?

Yesterday (and several times over last few days), she just gives me venom. I ignore it totally. Perfect reaction on my part. Easy to do because I'm over it. Too much crap from her for too long. Finally got the point where I couldn't take any more of it.

Just a few minutes ago, I was out and called home to tell the kids goodnight. W answers, kids already asleep. She it totally pleasant with me. We chat (about kids) for 2 or 3 minutes and I end the call first. (I may be done, but I still DB - kinda natural at this point.)

Then not 5 minutes later, a text from W: "I'm sorry you missed them. Do you want me to have them call you in the AM?"

Me: "That would be nice. Thank you"

Her:"Ok, will do"

Her again: "Meant to ask. Are all going to your parents for Father's Day this weekend? If so, I'll get something from the kids for your dad"

Me: "Yes we are, and that would be nice of you"

Her: "I try"


W-T-F? Perfectly nice woman. Yesterday she could have been calling me Satan's spawn. I'm not going to read anything into it, but do I allow myself ANY hope? I tried and tried for so long until I didn't think I could try any more. I've moved out, I've dated. I told her I didn't have to answer to her anymore. I emailed notes to my lawyer today. I said I was done and now...

Maybe it's the 180, and that's good, but still do I allow myself to hope? How can I not, but how can I any more either?

[XYZ]

Jack - do me a favor please - and I know you're going to give me a little grief over this. Can you remind of a short outline of your journey? I know each is different, and like snowflakes, you can't compare any two, but I seem to recall from earlier conversations that you had multiple piecing attempts punctuated maybe with a separation?

I guess I'm still looking for that road map to follow that leads to where I want to go.

[XYZ]

So last night, I wrote here about my "nice" w, and then....

She starts TMing me about bills and money. The shrew returns. At one point, she says "You think I'm an idiot. I'm not. I'll show you". I replied "I have never thought you were an idiot, actually I think you're quite brilliant. But there is no need to threaten me. Going to bed, good night."

Test test test. Button push, button push, button push. Well, I'm not falling for it. Been at this game too long to fall for 101 level tests...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I'll try XYZ. Will take a little time.
I only give people grief for it, when they are new.