I would love to tell you of how I busted our divorce almost 6 years ago. But now, I honestly can't remember how it went and my threads from back then have disappeared. All I can tell you is that I do remember the incredible feeling the day we told our kids that Mommy and Daddy were staying together. That may have been the single happiest moment in my life. My wish is that all of you will some day feel that, and unlike my be able to have that feeling forever.
That's ok, because it is about so much more than you posted here. Many folks say, 'I did THIS (one technique) and I got my spouse back'. It isn't like that. I'm sure you know that. Lots of things were good, some things weren't. It's about you, it's about her, it's about the two of you together.
Begin with a Beginner's Mind. Pretend you never did anything before. It's the FIRST. Start over.
Set your (mini) goals. What is going well? What were her complaints?
MOSTLY--what you focus on expands: When you were in love, what were you DOING, What were you SAYING?
and
REAL GIVING How does your wife define love. What makes her feel loved. CLUE: How did she give love to you (that's most likely how she wants to receive it).
Ohhh, don't worry about offending me. You can't. : )
I did not mean to come across as a hard case.
Part of my post was to let you know that the 'success' stories tend not to...enjoy posting the past, warts and all, and giving you a personal reason(s) why I don't normally like doing it.
It is a good thread.
You cannot offend me Lila.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I don't know... I guess I just imagine coming to a point in a relationship where you can let go a little... where you can put your energy to other things you love--raising your kids, etc. And it doesn't need so much work and attention all the time. I'm drained and exhausted by this man in my life. Or by thinking I'm just never enough for him and he'd be happy elsewhere.
Sorry, just venting. But I do think we're kind of meta-analyzing my initial question - I think we could have heard some really good stories but it seems to have veered off... ah well.
I consider us a success...I think my story is still in the archives somewhere...basically, for me it became about growing and learning about myself...working on me...and in the end it worked on both of us... I have a friend that is going through a terribly nasty divorce and my advice to her was to just work on what she needed...to see what she could do to become a better person...and that one day she would feel a weight lifted...she would feel peace...and she would KNOW she was going to be okay not matter what...her no matter what is going to be divorced...but she is at peace...has no regrets...and isn't looking back wondering "what if?"...that to me is also success...if you can't save your marriage, you still have to save yourself!
