can you adjust your profile and put some quick facts in your signature? I ask this so I don't confuse you with someone else and it refreshes my memory on each situation.
So, 2 days dark...hopefully you will gain benefit from this. You may think it's about getting HIM to feel or do something, or to make him react. It's NOT.
It is about doing a 180, it is about YOU having some peace without all his drama, and it's about you starting to heal.
Hopefully the kids will start too as well. They're used to him travelling so some of the adjustments will be easier.
So he didn't show up on Father's Day? Ouch, esp for them.
Okay so what else is going on ?
And what are your GAL activities?
have you gone to Al Anon? I don't ask you to go to Al Anon so you can reconcile with him, so much as to stop you trying to fix him.
IT is NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM....AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE ANYHOW.
LIFE IS SHORT...so very short.
You'll also want to understand him...you will spend countless YEARS of your life on that...
and it won't make any difference. He's NOT knowable to you. Accept that.
You cannot protect yourself from your past.
IT's over so let it go. Don't mope or over blame yourself for past mistakes. Don't "live there".
Your future is yours....protect that, and your kids.
It's enough for now to just have peace.
Are you financially ok?
Have you seen a L?
Keep posting
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I am not sure how to move the post. Just asked about the significance of the OW. 25 years mlc has helped me a ton. Alcohol is his first problem. But, still the OW bugs me. 25 said she is meaningless. Good.
You replied you went thru this. The comparing etc. and wanted to talk about that some.
25- my GAL exercising every day, playing golf more and taking lessons, enjoying my kids. He has gone 3 weeks without seeing his daughter. Blows my mind!
financially fine right now. I am looking for a full time job. Have not seen a lawyer yet.
Kids took fathers day hard. Its as if we dont exist! Even his children. just venting now. I realize its the shame but come on. Get over yourself! So selfish! Thats why I still wonder if this OW has such a pull on him?! I know they drink together. So yes he likes that.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process.(Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he says and 50% of what he does.
I would not ask him anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments.
GAL.
Detach. - The single most important thing you can do
You have been given a GIFT The gift of TIME. - Use is wisely.
Thank you!! I am reading the books and have studied the majority of the resources. I do keep looking back over them though.
25mlc has really been encouraging too in my GAL.
Seems I am more angry these days. Going to Al Anon. HE is an alcoholic. Huge hurdle for him.
But, as of late I am really struggling with this OW thing. I go to bed thinking of her and wake up thinking of her.
I wonder how long hehas been plannning this? DOes he love her? Yuck. So unlike him which seems like a common thread in MLC. And just all the lies that went into this whole "realtionship" thing with her!!
I do understand the "believe none of what they do and half of what they say." Interesting though how I pick out what I want to believe. The parts to me that bring me hope. Silly I guess.
But, as of late I am really struggling with this OW thing. I go to bed thinking of her and wake up thinking of her.
I wonder how long hehas been plannning this? DOes he love her? Yuck. So unlike him which seems like a common thread in MLC. And just all the lies that went into this whole "realtionship" thing with her!!
Life,
There are a lot of common themes in MLC and there are a lot of differences. Each MLC is unique to the person having it.
That being said...
OP is a very common denominator.
Them being very different from the person you have known is also very common.
As well as lying, detatching from family and friends, spending, drinking (although that sounds like it has been an ongoing issue)...
Why are these things common?
Because our S's are trying to find things that allow them to forget about the pain they are feeling. They find things that make them happy in the short term.
They lie because they don't want us to know what they are doing...
Personally, I think there are many reasons for the lying...including shame, guilt, wanting their freedom, not wanting to hurt us but knowing they have or will...
Reading the resources and threads is great because it will help you understand a bit more what you are dealing with...
I caution trying to "fit" your MLCer into any "stage"...Those are more guidelines than anything to describe different behaviors, however, they can overlap and most do not follow a "timeline".
You are giving the OW more power than she is worth IMO...
Comparing yourself to her, is like comparing apples and bananas.
They just don't go together.
Learn about MLC, learn about yourself, think about the things he has said to you, about you and the M, see what you agree with and work to change those things about yourself.
Don't try to become like her to try to bring him back or wake him up...
It won't work.
Keep posting here.
There are many good people who will post and help you along the way.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
