Ok, I have had suspicions of EA/PA and indicators point toward that being true.
After wife moved out of old home to new home, I went the next day to see what was "left" for me. During the stop, there was a note left from neighbor about returning a wine bottle opener.
This neighbor has a huge multi-million dollar home and would invite the kids/us over once in ahwile to play in his indoor basketball court and batting cages, etc..so I thought not much of it.
Noticed several texts to and from OM/neighbors number over the last couple months and a few phone calls during spring when we were in MC. He is a physician and an attorney so there is a very slim possiblity that he is helping legally, but I wasn't born yesterday. I called the number and blocked my caller ID. Today, the phone company site where you can access acct. info passcode has been changed. My thought is that W got call from OM and wife verified the number (mine) that it was me who called.
We have our first court hearing tomorrow/pre-trial and already informed my attorney of potential A. I'm suppose to have kids tomorrow evening for awhile and am contemplating this:
When dropping off the kids, asking W if I could talk to her for a minute..with the car still running. Ask her if she needs anything before her vacation and then...say, "In all fairness and respect to your husband, tell me about OM and show the note I found." I want to give W the opportunity to tell the truth and also to see the reaction in her eyes from the question all while remaining calm. The guy is 20 years older aproximately.
"In all fairness and respect to your husband, tell me about OM and show the note I found."
That statement will do nothing more than turn her off. It makes you look weak & preachy to a WAW in an A.
Quote:
I want to give W the opportunity to tell the truth and also to see the reaction in her eyes from the question all while remaining calm.
An opportunity? Every single day has been an opportunity to tell the truth. You are wanting to see her break down crying with remorse and pleading for your forgiveness.
At best, she will admit the EA.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Let it go. It's out of your hands now. You can only make it worse on yourself and your kids by pushing the "I'm right, you're wrong" agenda. You need to find inner peace and stop letting her actions rule your life and emotions. Whether an affair occurred or not doesn't change where you are today. I guarantee you will NOT feel better if you find out you were "right" all along that she has had an affair.
Ok, that's why I come here first..need to just flat out ask her if this is true or not whithout preaching when I find concrete evidence.
No, wrong again. You need to CONFRONT her WITH the truth, if and when you have concrete evidence. You don't ASK, as a cheater will only lie to you anyway.
If you already would have concrete proof at that theoretical point, what's the purpose of asking?
One thing I have learned here after 6 years is that in EVERY case where someone has a gut feeling that there is OP, there ALWAYS is. So...evidence aside, does your intuition tell you there is? If so, be fully prepared that there is. And as Starsky said, cheaters lie. They all lie. Always. Once they cheat, lying is no big deal. If they can justify cheating, they can justify anything and everything else.
Just how many situations here do not involve OP? I don't know what the average is, but does 90% sound right? It seems to me that by the time the LBS comes here, their spouse has already found a soft place to land. That is so incredibly sad.
