Just cried my eyes out. Having a real hard day missing kids mosty, and waw.
I see the kids regularly, but it still is not getting any easier ESPECIALLY AFTER AN OVERNIGHT STAY. I just love them so much and want my family back. Why can't waw realize the impact this is having on our kids and in the future?
Why won't she wake up? I feel like this will never end sometimes. Really looking for a miracle. I do not deserve this and neither do the kids. I am aso sad today, just can't stop crying. Sorry, just have to vent and I know others can relate.
We were so happy until this year. And the kids will question relationships because they saw a happy marriage. W kept everything inside until the bomb.
Lat year this time, w and I were celbrasting our anniversary in NYC, and this year no contact. so sad.
Another syncronistic event..I was just pulling off the high way exit and while at the light, FIL drove past. Didn't see me.
5 minutes later, saw waw pulling out of parking lot from where I was heading but wasn't planning on going to. Weird, since we live in different towns now.
Dropped by D10 & D8 sports camp yesterday, however, they were not there..called w to inquire if i was at the wrong field.
w: oh, they didn't want to do it after all. And, since it was 9-3 all week and all the prodding I had to do for the soccer camp, add in the cost and I just didn't want to force them, etc. on and on justifying.
me: ok, could you please just give me a courtesy call next time?
w: I didn't know you were going.
me: well, it was on the summer schedule we talked about at the beginnning of summer and I wanted to stop by like I did a few times during soccer camp or any other event the kids have. I make just about everything.
w: ok, are you still picking up the kids at 4:30 (usually 5)
m:yes
w: I have plans during that time, so I 'll receive them at 9:00
She was trying to bait me I think and all I wanted was a heads up and courtesy..an apology would of been great, but nope. And what's with the "receive" comment? What are they a foottball?
No big deal, thing is, I often wonder with little things like this how waw would be upset as well. So, for me, when it comes to the kids, don't fu@# around!
Anyway, had the kids from 4:30-9 yesterday. Took 'em to waterpark. W did include an extra free day pass for me which was nice and didn't have to do. Thanked her. All had a good time. D10 & D8 went off on the water slides for the most part while D5 & S3 and I were in the wave pool and this captain ship with all kinds of slides, squirt guns, etc. fun!
Stayed until park closed then ordered a pizza and took to play ground. S3 fell asleep so I let him while we ate then the girls played and I kept close to son who was still sleeping.
It was dark when I returned them and they wanted to stay with me which always makes me feel appreciated. W asked about a bill and we said good night.
I've conceded that going dark is not possible when you have 4 kids.
Thanks for the conversation yesterday. As always, I apologize for the interruptions...but that's the way it goes! I did share with you the activities the kids are registered for starting in September. When I get confirmation of the dates/times/locations, I will share. The activities are:
Paige - Yoga; Babysitting Safety Kate - Soccer (fall and spring teams); Hip Hop & Tumble Lauren - Soccer (fall and spring teams); Hip Hop & Tumble Jack - PeeWee Soccer (fall only at this point)
Again, I'll let you know details as I find them. You've told me before about your financial situation, and I know you are currently looking for a job. I still want to share with you that these activities were $444 of registration. Even though you were clear before that you would not contribute to the activities over the summer, I still wanted you to be aware of this cost so you could contribute as you feel appropriate. Of course there are also back to school supplies, clothing, fees, school lunch account, etc. that must be paid as well.
I'm glad we discussed the "revised" schedule now that school is upon us. I think Wednesdays from 5-7:30 is a good revision, and it seems Sundays 1-7 have been working, so I agree, let's keep that the same. Wednesdays I'll plan to give them their after school snack, but assume you'll share dinner with them during your time together. I've talked with Paige and Kate, and they would like to complete their homework with me, either before or after their time with you.
Thank you for appreciating how hectic this transition back to school will be for all of us. Our kids are unbelieveably excited and level-headed about the start of this school year. I'm so proud of them for having such positive attitudes. They really are great kids!
I feel for youl. It is so hard to go dark with my three kids, I can't even imagine four. I will say this though, there are many days that I feel like no one cares for me, then I think of my kids. They have been stronger than I throughout my situation. What a blessing they are.
Keep strong. (Prayers & positive thoughts thrown Direction1's way.) I wish I could do more for you. Just now that you are not alone.
LiSLC.
Bits M:35, W:39, M:12 S1:10, S2:8, D:5 Bomb: 3/25/11 "I am not in love with you anymore." Moved Out: 5/19/11 Divorce: 08/08/11
Thanks for the update. Concerning finances, as a reminder, I revised the "not contributing" comment (which was made with attorneys involved) over summer and contributed $170 toward their activities. Having said that, I will contribute moving forward and in time, it will be more. Thanks for keeping them involved and active. No one feels worse about my financial situation than me. It will pass..and yes we have great kids (and I tell them often), that have a great mom, living in a great community with great schools.
Had the kids yesterday. Took them to the beach and played in the waves for a couple hours then to visit my dad for dinner and naps for the the little two. D10 and D8 watched movie while D5 & S3 slept. Kept them an extra hour. 1:30-8:30.
When I called w to let her know I would be outside waiting for her to drop them off (was at my dad'd this weekend) she said "I'm am soooo sorry, I forgot I was suppose to drop them off" I didn't say much. Wanted her to realize her mistake. No big deal it actually helped weather wise for the beach. However, she has messed up a few times about communicating things to me about the kids. Frankly, I haven't (yet).
She just has it too easy: I drop/pick the kids up 99% of the time, parents bought her a new house and are still staying with her, while I am looking for work, splitting time between living with a relative and my dad on some weekends. Just can't find work.
This nightmare has to end.
I was thinking last night, it has gotten to the point where I don't even know if I want my waw back anymore. My heart was so shattered that I just get a weird feeling about her when I see her. Is this normal?
Yesterday, I went to D5 Kindergarten orientation. W arrived w/D and said "look, Daddy's here, what a nice surprise."
Went throught the typical orientation stuff. W is a teacher in the district so she new a lot of parents/staff there. I felt uncomfortable for a bit when they took all the kids for a tour and the parents were talking...just felt so outnumbered.
w's neighbors introduced themselves "hi, I didn't no you and your wife lived in our neighborhood." Comments like that make it weird. I just smiled and made small talk.
Kept telling myself that I'm there for D.
W and I did sit next to one another and that was fine. She did look beautiful (she is) 5'8" gorgeous blonde. Anyway, I need to get over the fact that my w and kids moved to her school district and I am the outsider now.
Also was able to pick up some part time work with the national parks scenic r.road. My consulting business hit bottom this spring and I've been financially strapped to say the least.
W keeps letting me know of the kids expenses..tuition, sports, et., etc. I do send money and feel bad abut not being able to contribute more..this will pass. She really seems to be all about the money at this point.
