BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
MHL- thanks for the post. My H is an alcoholic and 25MLC has told me he stays away due to shame and the desire to drink like he does.
But, I can't help but wonder if he has no contact with us because he is just "done". There are no fights. There are no calls. I read on another post that they aren't done if they continue with this behavior. He isn't doing any of it. It is like we don't exist. EVen the kids. Or, does it have to do with ow? She is his distraction?
I feel like I need to quit reading and maybe GAL even more. I am feeling stuck a little. Trying to figure out the sitch or where he is at which I know is a no-no.
One of the rules in DBing is to have NO EXPECTATIONS...
So if you are expecting anything to happen because of this, you will be greatly disappointed.
You can over analyze and say that maybe it was because his left shoe was tied tighter than his right shoe or because the local grocery store had a huge sale on corn.....None of it should matter to you or the path that you are on right now...
What I have read from you, you place way too much emphasis on what he is doing and why he is doing this or he is doing that..
The DBing process is the most counter-intuitive thing you will have ever done or will ever do.
I understand how hard it is to try and flip the switch after twenty years of worrying about him, but it is imperative for you to keep reaching for that switch inside of yourself.
IF this is MLC....you will be tested more than you ever thought possible in regards to what your vows mean to you....
Part of that process is detaching from the every day tornado that you call your husband for now.
Quote:
But, I can't help but wonder if he has no contact with us because he is just "done". There are no fights. There are no calls. I read on another post that they aren't done if they continue with this behavior
It could be the reason, or it could be very far from the reason. It could be any number of reasons actually. Keep in mind, that whatever the reason, you have very little to do with the answer that he needs to find for himself.
How much have you read about MLC ?
Have you read the links from Cadet ? BTW, thank you again Cadet...
Understanding the monster called MLC will give you a better understanding to what it looks like up close...through the eyes of other LBSs
It will be your decision as to whether or not you agree with MLC or not. It will be based on your experience throughout the process on whether it is real or not. Some experts agree with the diagnosis, some do not. In the end, it really should not affect the actions of the LBS any...
What you live through, will be very real to you. And sometimes it helps to have a label so that you can find the support to guide you to your destination.
Not every MLC is the same...they are as unique as the person having them. Although there is a certain "script" that they all seem to follow throughout.
I would suggest getting yourself lost in the MLC archives as frequently as possible. There is a lot of good advice there from a plethora of posters that have seen and lived similar experiences as you will see and hear...
You will see true pain and true healing as others before you have walked in your shoes....
Know that the answers will not always come from the outside, and as time goes on, you will find that you always have had the answers inside of yourself, you were asking the wrong questions....
Some of the questions you should be asking ?
Are you a forgiving person ?
Are any of the lines that have already been crossed, a deal-breaker for you ?
Are you capable of forgiving him for those lines that have been crossed already?
Did you break him ?
Why do you think you can "fix" him ?
That should be enough to make you think for now.....
This is a long road Life.....
Standing should be a choice, not a sentence for you..
Standing should be about standing for you, with the ultimate goal of a better, more fulfilling relationship, that happens to be with your current spouse....
