Here's the thing. These people care about you. And so, they are doing what they feel they need to do in order for you to have no regrets. They are trying to help you look at all sides, so that you can make decisions that are in your best interest.
And since you are so honest, I think they feel they should be totally honest with you.
It doesnt really matter what others are doing. What matters is you.
And we just want to be sure that you move forward on this journey in the most whole, healthy way.
Because if you dont do the rest of the work, you run the risk of some really big heartache down the road.
Tamf, I know most of these people personally. They have some of the biggest hearts I have ever seen.
They really do want what's best for you. And they will do whatever they have to do to get you there.
That really is the purpose here - to help and listen and challenge each other.
Sometimes its tough. But, the results are usually worth it.
(((hugs)))
Thank you Brookie, AJ, Cat, J3B, Mach, True, E, PEI & Alb (who I spoke with last night)
I want to apologize for getting so defensive. I felt under attack the last couple of days and I know that everyone is here to help.
I need to relax and take the weekend to not think about any of this. I went from being so happy, feeling free for the first time in a year, spouse not occuping head space. Ready to live my life without spouse. to depression, crying, anger, defensiveness, doubt. all in a matter of a couple days.
That is not healthy for me. I know everyone is here to challenge me. I get that and I appreciate it. but when challenging me turns me into the messed up blob that I was months ago, I have to question it.
I have re-read all of the posts without becoming defensive. I will ponder what has been asked of me silently and alone.
But not this weekend. This weekend I am going to put my depression aside and go to Applefest with a huge group of my friends and I am going to have a good time. laugh, smile and enjoy my friends that hate H JUST KIDDING!!!! They are just hurt by his actions, and it is understandable. They don't metion his name - feel like Harry Potter - "he who must not be named"
I haven't heard from spouse today, and it has been a relief. I need a reprieve to gather my strength.
So thank you all of my "Board" friends that care enough to push me over the edge, make me cry and have trouble sleeping. I just hope that all of this will help me in the end. I am sure it will.
Maybe I will be like most of you and come back a year later and say, "you were all hard as H@ll on me, but it helped me get where I am today, thank you."
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
STBXH has let me go (at least for the weekend). no contact until this morning when he finally realized that he owes me money. He brought the $ over this morning and took the girls to school. no coffee ;)I was in my bathroom getting ready so only saw him for just a moment and it was friendly but nothing more. I left for work early so that we didn't have to "hang out". He was staying to lift weights in the basement (he did ASK me first which was nice, and I thanked him for asking.)
I can't tell you the relief. peace. I also have a feeling of gratitude towards him that he is doing what I asked. It is so much easier to detach when the person you are detaching from is also detaching. Last week I suggested that he should be alone for a while. away from her. away from me. He didn't comment, but maybe he is trying? At least with me which is better than nothing.
Yesterday, D13 and I sat down and she took the 5 love languages test for teenagers and so did I. Her top 2 were words of affermation and qualilty time - I thought they would be words of affermation and gifts! we discussed this...my top LL for my Ds is Acts of Service. This is what D13 said to me:
That is totally not fair mom! I have to DO STUFF for you to say that I love you and all you have to do is SAY I LOVE YOU?!!!! no way, I change my test! my LL is gifts!
ROFLMAO!! teenagers. yikes.
Caught up on my sleep this weekend - took really long naps during the day both Saturday and Sunday. So nice. Just turned my mind blank for a while. I don't like to be depressed, my IC says that I naturally fight it which is good. So I decided enough was enough. I can stop feeling sorry for myself now. Stop getting angry because "people don't understand me" (wow, pretty pathetic). And just be.
Work is stressful right now, lots of projects coming to an end. Still need to raise a bunch of money Are any of you a secret millionaire and looking for a good cause to donate? let me know! lol!
No movement on the house. We are going to have to drop the price. We have to sell!!
I hope everyone has a great week Thank you all again for helping me stay on track and finish this thing out.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
I thought I would update, it is theraputic when you haven't posted in a long time. What have I been up to?
LIFE
I am working like crazy - buzy time of year for me. Concerts, fundraising, fundraising, fundraising! D14 & D11 are doing really good. swim team, school, social butterflies. I am officailly a cab.
Still haven't sold my house and that is my biggest stress. Been up for sale since April. The divorce paperwork is all good to go, but I asked STBXH if we could just wait till house is sold because I can't afford mortgage and health insurance. While we are still married I am on his health insurance. So we get the house sold and then the lawyer finanlizes. Everything is agreed upon.
It is amazing how time really does heal. You just have to give Time "time". I really am living my life for me without hesitation. let me say this agian - WITHOUT HESITATION.
My thoughts and dreams for the future no longer include STBXH. I am happy without him. I no longer want to be married to him. I hope he finds peace one day. I have found mine.
can I say it again? I am happy I don't feel sorry for myself any more. I still get angry about my finances because of the divorce, but I just need to sell my house and things will work out ok.
I still have work to do - always. But at least I am finally looking forward and not behind me. in fact I feel like I am running - and not away from my past but towards my new life!
2012 is a new beginning for all of us. a new life for me and for some others. Anything is possible. Make the choice to be happy. Forgive if you can. smile, laugh, love (cheesy I know), but true regardless.
Happy New YEAR everyone, may God bless you all with peace.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Just had a moment and thought I would post something that I am really excited about! My best girlfriend and her long time boyfriend got engaged. This is the couple that my STBXH and I did everything with. This is the same couple that came and literally picked me off the floor when STBXH told me of the affair and I had a break down. They mean the world to me. They have stood by my side this entire time - they like to think of themselves as my protectors I think
So they get engaged and GF asked me if I would be her Personal Assistant (her D15 is her Maid of Honor and the only one standing up with her at cerimony) basically, because I am an event planner by profession, I get to help plan her wedding! we are going to Las Vegas and we are all bringing our families. The date is June 5th. So excited!!
And you know what? Last year at this time I would have been so depressed. Would have been feeling sorry for myself seeing her so happy. I would have wondered why in the heck she would WANT to get married again.
Now, I am so happy for her! I can't wait to help her with all of the details. I can't wait to watch her say "i do".
This feeling of happiness that I have for her is like a revelation to me! I feel amazing that I am excited and not depressed. This means I have really truly grown, changed and I am going to be ok. I AM OK.
Yeah!! D@mn I feel good today!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
JUST KIDDING!!!! They are just hurt by his actions, and it is understandable. They don't metion his name - feel like Harry Potter - "he who must not be named" 
Are any of you a secret millionaire and looking for a good cause to donate? let me know! lol!