I'm not sure how to post a link to my old thread, but in a nutshell.... We are separated but "working on things" (as H says)...so... My story is To Be Continued..... I do know one thing....I'm going to one day be A Success Story! Until then, for my friends on my former thread, find lc4 here now. And keep commenting, encouraging, 2x4'ing when needed (but please be easy; I'm sensitive), and just keep me smiling. Thanks, and I hope to "see" y'all soon!
I hope and pray your H can get to a point where he never wants to think about D again. That's where I am and where I've been with my W. It'll make all this worth it.
Thanks, JB. I had an okay night, took a night off from "working on things." The sermon at church this morning was on forgiveness. I think I could've preached it!
Ya'll enjoy your Sunday. Hope it's a blessed one. Think I may go lay by the pool with a gal pal for a little bit.
I'm feeling down today. I'm trying to figure out how I need to handle H's idea of "working on things." So far, it seems to be him coming by when/if he wants, being intimate and us still living separately (again, the kids do not know about any of this). He's back to hugging me and telling me he loves me, but then he goes back to his home. I hate that. I don't want to scare him off by giving ultimatums, but I don't want to live in his limbo land for however long he deems necessary. Any suggestions?
"I don't want to scare him off by giving ultimatums"
Boundaries, not ultimatums...
Try this as a rough draft:
"H, it is difficult for me to deal with you coming and going as you wish and with us being intimate when there is still so much work to do in our marriage. Until we can reach a better place in our marriage, I am asking you to respect my boundaries in my house-and that includes the bedroom. I ask this not out of anger or pain, but out of my need to maintain my self-esteem."
Or something along those lines. Whaddya think?
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Had a little chat with H after he ran by "for just a second" because he had groceries in the car and needed to get them "home." I asked him how long he plans for us to live like this. He said he didn't have a plan tonight; he's taking things "one day at a time." I told him I need a plan, because I refuse to live like this for very long; it is draining me emotionally and us financially. I told him we need to either commit to the marriage or move on with divorce. No reply. I'm just wondering how much longer I am willing to put myself through this. I need to move on one way or another. I need closure...either on the marriage altogether or on our problems. I'm tired of dwelling in them. Done...let's move on to the next thing, please! Everyone — the kids, me, our family, our friends —is OVER it...everyone but H. I'm running out of steam. The intimacy is nice, but I don't like feeling like I did before we were married...wondering if he's staying or going. The "I love you's" and hugs are great, but if he's offering that and then LEAVING me...what is the point? I'm wondering if he is just trying to keep me under his thumb. He has mentioned several times that he knows once I'm back on the market, I won't be there for long (whatever...how long I'm "on the market" is up to ME, no one else). I am wondering if he doesn't really want me, but wants to make sure no one else gets me either. I'm tired, tired, tired of this. I'm emotionally, physically, spiritually drained.
