I'm Still Here Pt Deux

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling----

I'm sick of the highs and lows of this. One day I am doing great and feeling positive about things, and the next day I am down in the dumps.

I was extremely stressed last night and snapped at both of my kids.
I felt badly afterwards and sat down with them and apologized to both of them and acknowledged that I overreacted.

I had forgotten how hard it is to be a single parent. Even though my kids aren't little anymore, I still face lots of challenges with trying to juggle schedules and bills and household things. I told them both that I appreciate everything they do to help me out, but if they could step it up a little bit it would really help.
I know they are just kids and I would never, ever make them be adults instead of kids, but I'm just one person and I get overwhelmed at times.

I am blessed- I have great kids. There isn't discipline problems or behavior problems or anything like that and I am grateful for that.

I'm just one person.

I hope I don't spend the rest of my life alone.

[LearningPatience]

I've noticed that kids are challenging in different ways as they get older. Yours seem old enough that they should be able to help out a bit more. Don't feel too bad for being human in front of them, it's a good lesson!

I've had the same fear of being alone, so I know where you are coming from. The paradoxical thing is that the more comfortable you are being yourself and comfortable being 'alone', the more likely someone will come into your life.

[ncl]

Journaling----

I'm sick of the highs and lows of this. One day I am doing great and feeling positive about things, and the next day I am down in the dumps.

I was extremely stressed last night and snapped at both of my kids.
I felt badly afterwards and sat down with them and apologized to both of them and acknowledged that I overreacted.

I had forgotten how hard it is to be a single parent. Even though my kids aren't little anymore, I still face lots of challenges with trying to juggle schedules and bills and household things. I told them both that I appreciate everything they do to help me out, but if they could step it up a little bit it would really help.
I know they are just kids and I would never, ever make them be adults instead of kids, but I'm just one person and I get overwhelmed at times.

I am blessed- I have great kids. There isn't discipline problems or behavior problems or anything like that and I am grateful for that.

I'm just one person.

I hope I don't spend the rest of my life alone.

It is tough stuff being a single parent, and you are doing a great job. You are going to have your moments of getting tired and frustrated, but you did the right thing by acknowledging your mistakes, apologizing to your kids and discussing with them that they need to help out more around the house.

DG, what do you think you could do or what change would have to happen in your life to bring on more consistent "up" days than "down"? When you close your eyes and visualize yourself happy and content, what do you see? Take your H out of the equation here, because you can't control his presence in your life (he's stuck, and you are not)...what in your visualization of happiness is there that you CAN control?

I believe you are a beautiful, bright, kind-hearted, fun young lady and an amazing mother, and you deserve to be happy. As you said, you are BLESSED. So what can you do to fully embrace that blessed life and live in happiness? You've taken so many positive steps, DG...what is the next one you can take toward happiness?

Love and hugs...lc4

[Telemark]

"I've had the same fear of being alone, so I know where you are coming from. The paradoxical thing is that the more comfortable you are being yourself and comfortable being 'alone', the more likely someone will come into your life."

I like this. You are still adjusting to the single life, DG; it will probably be several months until it feels at all comfortable for you and your kids.

Let the ups and downs wash over you. They are going come and go regardless of what we do, say or think.

[~¤DG¤~]

I feel that I am pretty comfortable on my own.
Yes, I miss my H terribly and miss his companionship, but I do not need him in order to survive.

If I am alone for the rest of my life then so be it, but I really would like to share my life with someone special. I want it to be H, but perhaps God has other plans for me.

[Lonely in SLC]

Hey DG,

I know exactely how you feel. I don't believe we were meant to be alone. This does not mean we can't survive, its just that things such as sunsets, mountains, beaches, travel, and laughter are all better when shared with someone.

[~¤DG¤~]

Ugh...I have been sitting in the waiting room at the clinic forever.
This is not helping my mood.

[~¤DG¤~]

I have such an urge to text H right now and ask him when he is going to pick up the rest of his things.
They've been sitting here for 7 months now.

But I don't want to ask him....

Why can't we just work this out?

[a girl]

((hugs))

[~¤DG¤~]

Gabby- yes I am on AD's. I've been on them for about 8 months now and believe me they make a world of difference. I have been on and off of them for years but finally have the right combination.

Journaling---

I went to bed early last night, I wasn't feeling so hot. I had a small procedure done at my dr's office yesterday afternoon and they told me I'd probably feel kind of crummy. I feel much better this morning.

I'm so glad it's. Friday. It's supposed to be in the mid 60's which is perfect fall weather. I think S10 & I are going to visit the zoo. It's nice enough to still do things outside but cool enough that we won't swelter.

Feeling kind of down, but I'm going to try my best to remain upbeat.