i didnt know about it until his supervisor told me, if supervisor didnt report him i would have, this happened 30 yrs ago.
then how relevant is it now?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
another text i sent h yesterday was that i needed the $ to get house fixed. today he sent a guy over to repair my chimney and he said he would seal my driveway and not charge me for it. i slept pretty good last night,i usually dont. i think because i have alot of pain and anger at h, and i let him know the pain he has caused me and it made me feel better. ive kept it inside for so long, there is so much i want to say to him about the pain and heartache he has caused son and i.
i have been thinking about writing down how i feel, this might help. i know its not good for my health not expressing it. im going to join yoga too i need to calm my mind and get control of my thoughts.
Hi, rysmom, how are you this morning? I slept really late, and am just now about to have my first cup of coffee. I was thinking about what you wrote. One of my sisters is what I would describe as a true narcissist. When our F died, she behaved and spoke as though she was his only child. When she was having an A with a married man, and his W became pregnant, she complained that the W was making HER life he!!. She has always said she was somehow better, prettier, smarter than the rest of her sisters. How on earth does one child out of seven turn out like this?
I guess since his supervisor chose to allow him to resign, rather than face charges, you have no responsibility since the situation was handled. Whatever the other things were that he did, if you were a party to them, or accepted them, then you had some responsibility, too. But, I think you had no idea of what to do when faced with the fact that your H was doing underhanded things. I can see that, when you're young, it's not easy to know what you should do. I know, 25yrs, but sometimes the shock of seeing a loved one doing something illegal doesn't always make someone act rationally.
Do you feel you could still love your H, rysmom? If you did R with him one day, what happens to all you misgivings about his character? Do you have any evidence that he may still be acting this way? Or do you think since that was 30 years ago, that he has matured and no longer does illegal things?
I personally think that you are a perfectly decent person, rysmom, and deserve to have a nice life. If you feel you want to try to R with your H, then do try. What can it hurt at this point to try? Perhaps a lot of prayer to give you the right direction.
You know, rysmom, maybe you should EVERYTHING all out on paper, including how you feel about reconciling or not with him, and just give it to him. That way you will have purged it from your system, and given it over to your H to think about. We have seen your bad feelings of your H condensed into these small paragraphs, so it probably wasn't horrible all through your M, or was it?
I've been following your thread for a very long time. Since the beginning, you've been telling your husband how badly he's treating you, etc. And has that gotten him closer home? NO.
Go ahead and write those feelings down. There's nothing wrong with that. But giving it to him in my opinion, is a horrible idea.
Going back to square one. Why would he want to go back to you when you keep saying he's into "dark stuff" and continue to condemn him? Going over your posts, you haven't changed at all, so why on earth would he want to go back? You want to guilt him into coming home and if you were my wife, I'd honestly stay away. You don't have someone come home out of guilt, but out of love.
You keep condemning the OW. But she's giving him exactly what he wants. Non-judgemental love. If you don't think you're judgemental, look at what you told your son. You don't think that others have a right to an opinion, just yours.
You want to stop hurting? Fine. Then start changing.
On top of everything else, you keep complaining about how you have no money. Well where the heck is all this money coming from for your car, your H's car and your house? You complain that you have no funds, yet you asked your H for money for the house. Something doesn't smell right.
Last year you posted how you were almost destitute from no money coming in from your H. Then you complained about how he had shady business dealings and that you've thought about turning him in but didn't. And now you act like there's nothing wrong and you're fine with him getting you a car, etc.
And to top it all off, you said before that you were seeing a C, yet you write above about how you need to let things out to someone. You're contradicting yourself.
What is the truth here? Be honest. Verycrazy, 25yrsmlc and others have spent alot of time helping you out. But with all those contradictions, I really do question whether your sitch is real.
I know you're going to get angry or whatever, but how about answering those questions, then we know it's legit.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Yes guilting him last time did help to get him home for 2 yrs. last time, he would have still been home if i didnt check on his where abouts. it was not the only thing that worked but i think it made him realize how he was hurting people.
I do think people have a right to their opinion. do you accept everyones opinion?
H does have money sometimes but as soon as he gets it he spends it all. He gets paid for jobs that he does for ins cos, but he never knows when they are going to send the check.h pays my mortgage, and my car is paid off. i didnt say he had funny business deals that i know of, i just want to file separately. c likes to stay focused on solutions not the problem when i go. and i appreciate the time and effort from vc, and 25 yrs. Yea, right i have nothing better to do with my time than make up this ficticious story for the past 4 yrs. i wish it was ficticious.
I wish it was, too, rysmom. Sorry your story was doubted. I can feel your pain, rysmom, and it doesn't feel fake to me. I can't imagine anybody doing this for four years because they want to fool people.
The reason I said maybe to write it all down and give it to your H, was so you would have it all out there once and for all, instead of the angry outbursts every so often. But, if giving him a letter is considered the wrong thing to do, then by all means disregard what I said. Personally, I did give my H a heartfelt letter, saying how I felt, and how I had a part in our M troubles, and was willing to work on what I needed to work on.
If you feel your C is doing you good, then great, but if you feel things are stagnating there, maybe time to try someone else.
We are all here for each other, and when one of us is hurting, we all feel for them. Some of us have an approach that seems harsh, but no harm is meant.
