Okay, here it is...I just turned 34 and for the past two years I think my husband and I have had sex 7 times the entire time. I have friends who go on and on about their husband's sexual appetites and how annoying it is while I cry myself to sleep at night b/c my husband won't even touch me. I don't even bother anymore. I've talked to him to death. I've tried the outfits. I've tried being sweet and flirty to no avail. He is a great guy and cares about me and our kids, but I feel like my youth is fading away. If we don't have sex now, what am I to expect in our future? Nothing? Am I to live a completely sexless life? Hell to no I'm not. I don't know what else to do. Soon, he will be starting a new job across the country and we won't be moving around there until next summer giving me even more time alone. What I do feel is that I won't feel so rejected b/c there will be a reason for our lack of sex. But then ehre is my other thought...infidelity. How can I not? He says he's scared I will look elsewhere and I think to myself well duh!!! Of course I am going to! I need to feel young. I need to feel sexy. I need to feel desireable! By SOMEONE! and that is not coming from you!! I just got weight loss medication the other day and I'm starting my journey tomorrow and let me tell you its ON. I can't take this anymore at all. And I know everyone will probably be judgemental about my feelings, but its terrible. I'm a sexual being who needs to feel wanted. And I'm not getting that from my husband no matter what I do. I suppose this was a vent..sorry if its in the wrong spot, but I thank you for reading. Any insight or advice is appreciated.
I feel the same way, I don't judge you, I think most people wouldn't judge. It is the worst feeling in the world, the feeling of being unwanted, discarded, worthless. It would feel bad if it where a total stranger, but it's coming from the man that is supposed to love us, care for us, give a [censored] about us. I am going though a similar situation, except for its Zero sex in 16 months, zero affection (verbal and non-verbal). I feel a lot of anguish over this, some days I blame myself, some days I blame him, I wonder why he's so selfish and cold. Anyone that would judge you has got to be oblivious to the hurt you are feeling. I am sorry I can't help you, I don't even know what to do for myself. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, and you are understood, now if only we could understand our non-existent libido partners... X X X
So let me see if I'm reading this right.....The way I read this is that now that your husband is going to be away from home for long periods of time due to his job that this is giving you the opportunity to find someone to make you feel desirable. Am I good so far?
Ok. So now this....."I just got weight loss medication the other day and I'm starting my journey tomorrow and let me tell you it's ON." This part confuses me a bit. So now that the future holds that you might be out on the open market looking for someone to make you feel desirable....you decide it would be in your best interest to make yourself appear more desirable by getting the weight loss medication to try and attract a new mate. What this tells me is that you don't care enough about your husband or your marriage to have been practicing this same self care (weight loss) all this time to make yourself appear more desirable to him but you're willing to practice this self care for some other man to find you more appealing. In other words, you're putting the sexy outfits on the mini van version of you for your husband but you're taking the weight loss medication so the next man to come along gets the sexy corvette version of you. Why is your husband not worth this same effort?
my husband won't even touch me. I don't even bother anymore. I've talked to him to death. I've tried the outfits. I've tried being sweet and flirty to no avail.
Why do you think he won't touch you?
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Am I to live a completely sexless life? Hell to no I'm not.
If you don't want to live a sexless life, you really shouldn't have to.
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How can I not? He says he's scared I will look elsewhere and I think to myself well duh!!! Of course I am going to! I need to feel young. I need to feel sexy. I need to feel desireable!
So he isn't psychotic. His fear is very reasonable given whats happening in your marriage and that you feel like you will inevitably cheat.
You say that you need to feel young, sexy, desirable. Are these feelings something that only comes from another person's validation?
What happens if you feel that way for yourself?
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I just got weight loss medication the other day and I'm starting my journey tomorrow and let me tell you its ON. I can't take this anymore at all.
Would you say that you are currently overweight?
Does your weight in any way pertain to your need for others to make you feel desirable?
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I'm a sexual being who needs to feel wanted. And I'm not getting that from my husband no matter what I do.
Do you believe he is asexual?
Is it possible there are other things going on in his mind that are keeping him from experiencing desire?
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Amen sister. In my expierience, men have 2 modes. We are either hungry or horny....I can't remember which comedian said that. If a man does not want to have sex with his wife there is a bigger issue somewhere, be it medical, psycological, or emotional. The lack of sex is not the cause, but the effect of something else!
