This relentless marathon continues. Who knows where it's going? Like I've said before, I would have never imagined I would've still been here at this time. Tomorrow will mark 8 months after bomb #2. Two days ago was 5 months after my W moved out. When I first started this journey, it felt a lot more like a sprint or 5K at best.
This "marathon" can be very exhausting, even frustrating at times. On the other hand, it has been a great opportunity for personal growth. I've made a lot of new friends along the way. I've done a lot of things I'm not sure I ever would have done. I've grown closer to God. I've grown closer to my S. I am now motivated to become my best possible self.
My W brought my S over tonight for the exchange. I can't say I did the best job of DB'ing, at least at first.
A little background: we had very casually agreed at one point the exchange time on Sundays would be 6:00 pm. It has been a long, long time since we've had to cross that bridge. Most of the previous Sundays where my S's been with my W, I have picked him up for church on Sunday morning or I've just had him on Saturday night before.
6:30 rolls around, I haven't heard from my W. I started getting pretty ticked off. I just texted her a quick "where are you?" She replied and said they were fishing and it would be about 30 minutes. Later, she sends a text and says it would be 7:30. She does get to the house right about 7:30. The first thing I did was extend my left arm, look at my watch, and say we need to talk about how these Sundays are going to go. That got her pretty ticked off at that point. She pointed out, and she was right, that we really hadn't talked about it beforehand. I backed off at that point and we agreed (at her suggestion) that we talk about the exchange time well in advance. In retrospect, I should have taken the lead on this and should have done so before today.
After the brief skirmish, the rest of the exchange was as pleasant as usual. She looked nice tonight and I complimented her. She said she thought about going to a festival today, but she was really tired, and really wanted a couple of consecutive days off. I also found out she's about 1.5 weeks tardy on picking up her ADs.
After that, my S and I went out to dinner, and it was just a mundane grocery night for my S and I.
Good morning jb, I noticed the little shout out to me in your last thread, thanks! Haven't posted anything in a while but still check up on a few of you. As usual, it sounds like you are doing great, I'm very happy to see that. I have all the confidence in the world that things will work out wonderfully for you, whatever the outcome may be!
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Just checking in. Sounds like you're moving along. I wouldn't worry about your brief interaction with W; you showed enough growl to ensure it won't happen again.
How is S? I recall he was having some issues at school.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
For those that are REALLY curious, and I'm not going to give too many clues, but I did that bike tour in my area last weekend. The beneifiary organization caught me stretching pre-ride.
Thanks as always for checking in, Telemark. I'm probably doing better than I should be doing, considering the circumstances.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
How is S? I recall he was having some issues at school.
He actually seems to be doing a lot better. I'd like to think it's some PMA I'm instilling in him. It may or may not be true, but I have been working pretty hard on it. I don't think my W's drinking that Kool-Aid, though. Or at least she is convincing herself otherwise. Just the other night, she was intimating it was his homeroom teacher who's really made a difference. I would agree he could have some influence, but I don't think it's fair to put that much responsiblity on his teachers.
It's been an OK day today. I've had a little low level anxiety, but I tend to have that from time to time these days. Did do a quick 8.6 mi. ride this morning. It seems when my S has been with my W for a couple of days, it takes us a little while to sync back up. I think part of it was he was a little tired last night. I'm also not so sure she's creating an extremely positive environment for him when he's with her - I dunno, maybe it's just me overanalyzing.
Why 8.6? Is it a certain route you do every day or is there a reasoning behind the number?
Sorry to hear about your S. It would make sense to me that it is a bit of a rollercoaster for him.. especially around the time of the exchange. We have a hard time handling our own coaster and we're adults. I couldn't imagine doing it as a kid.
Try not to assume the worst of w either. I understand that it would be easy to jump to that conclusion. My guess is that it would also be an conclusion based on your emotions.
It doesn't sound she has really done anything to make you think that she isn't being positive around S.. unless I'm wrong. You've been posting for awhile so I might have missed it.
Continue to be there for your S. If this continues to happen.. maybe it's worth bringing up to W.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Why 8.6? Is it a certain route you do every day or is there a reasoning behind the number?
That's exactly it. There's a certain route I follow. I try to make sure I do at least 30 minutes, and I had to extend my 8.0 mile route to make sure I wasn't taking a shortcut.
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
Try not to assume the worst of w either.
You're right. Actually, this is where any NC we have works against us. I think both of us assume the worst if we don't hear anything from each other. It's burned us in the past and it's burning us now. It's hard to find that right balance between letting her miss me and getting in a situation where one or both of us just assumes the worst.
Originally Posted By: Valeska19
It doesn't sound she has really done anything to make you think that she isn't being positive around S.. unless I'm wrong. You've been posting for awhile so I might have missed it.
Continue to be there for your S. If this continues to happen.. maybe it's worth bringing up to W.
Oh yeah, my S is a HUGE priority right now. I am guilty, however, of blowing my own horn from time to time, and I'm sure that will occasionally grate on my W a bit. That's something I should be careful of.
