Yes, despite the crapstorm I am grateful for much. I have an unbelievably great relationship with my 2 kids, I have resurrected old friendships that I deeply love and treasure-including pretty good ones with XW #1 and her family-I am in OK shape for a 56 year old geezer and yes, my relationship with God is bursting at the seams.
It's amazing how this seems to happen on the timeline -- I've noticed it myself. The first few months, you can hardly move because of the pain. Then, as time goes on, you start to realize just how many good things have sprung from that one awful thing... Kind of like flowers growing in the wreckage of a burned-out building.
Telemark you said: I'm not envious of the 3-ring circus my W has created, but it still feels...well, just off...that she is living this new life. Probably a pretty screwed-up life, but after being with someone every day for 11+ years, it does sting to think of her going through the day-to-day without me. But believe me, that's getting easier to bear."
That is a feeling i struggle with every day..... How it seems so easy for WAS to start over, move on, without us. I don't know their pain, but I'm beginning to realize they do have their own ---and I am trying as hard as possible to empathize with them.
It's not easy -- and I'm so glad it's getting easier for you. I have no doubt if you want a new year's date, you will easily find one Good men = solid men are becoming extinct. Like u guys said about the ladies -- I've noticed some men on this board with a devotion to their families that is beyond amazing. (Telemark, JB, gunny, immediately pop to mind --- and there are so many others, I'm just in bed, and tired!!)
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Reconnected Monday evening with a good friend who I met during my 9 month Leadership York class last year (LY is a selected group of movers and shakers in the community who take classes and seminars for 9 months to better serve York County in non-profit organizations; it was very encouraging and empowering)
But I digress...
So friend and I spent the evening with pizza, beer and Monday Night Football at his place. He has recently become engaged to a woman who was a sales rep to the company he works for. They have talked to each other professionally for a few years but started talking to each other about life in general about 15 months ago. He lives in PA; she lives in Milwaukee, WI. Long story short, they finally agreed to meet face-to-face about a year ago and the rest is history. They both have been divorced for about 10 years and were very wary about getting into another relationship, but they seem to be doing all of the right things to ensure this one works. I'm very happy for their happiness, but I didn't miss the opportunity to share what I've learned from my own situation and the situations I've read about here (no names, of course...). My friend was very interested in what I had to share and several times said,"Wow...never thought about that." So I found myself in the position of unofficial counselor, which was OK.
It made me think about who we are all becoming as we go through our situations and as we share those experiences with each other. Our little community here has helped me more than I could ever express. We have supported each other, encouraged each other, admonished each other and loved each other because we are all in the same boat rowing in the same direction. It's been a hellish, horrible experience but it has caused us to look at ourselves and our lives in a way that we may never have if we had not gone through this. The pain we are feeling now will eventually diminish, but the growth will continue to flourish and we will be better for our God, ourselves, our family and our friends.
I do believe better days are ahead for all of us.
Oh yeah, the other fun part of Monday night...my friend is a licensed firearms dealer and since he is getting married he has several weapons he wants to sell to help pay for the upcoming wedding, honeymoon, etc. So I bought a few early Christmas presents from me to me: a Hi-Point 995 9mm tactical carbine, a Hi-Point 9mm automatic and an original Mosin-Nagant 1891/30 Russian sniper rifle. Can't wait to throw some lead downrange.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark, I'm glad to see you have some good things going on.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
Oh yeah, the other fun part of Monday night...my friend is a licensed firearms dealer and since he is getting married he has several weapons he wants to sell to help pay for the upcoming wedding, honeymoon, etc. So I bought a few early Christmas presents from me to me: a Hi-Point 995 9mm tactical carbine, a Hi-Point 9mm automatic and an original Mosin-Nagant 1891/30 Russian sniper rifle. Can't wait to throw some lead downrange.
Got my first rifle - a Ruger 10/22 - when I was 9. I grew up with a small arsenal on our farm, since my Dad was a sales rep for Smith & Wesson and later Mauser (Germany). Sold my last gun 10 years ago when I married W because I didn't want them in the house with her youngest son there. But I've missed shooting, so when the opportunity presented itself, I pulled the trigger (yukyukyuk...)
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Hey TM, I think I read on another post that you were meeting your w today... I could be wrong.... If I'm not, just checkin in on ya to see how you're doing.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Yes, we met with the divorce mediation attorney today. In and out in 15 minutes. She said we were married for the wrong reasons.
Really? It took you 10 years to come to that conclusion? And you just happened to figure this out at the same time you were in your EA?
But I said nothing, just agreed that we agreed to divorce. Now it's just paperwork & signatures, wait 90 days and poof! another marriage vanishes into thin air.
After the meeting W came over to the house to retrieve her half of the Christmas decorations. That was difficult, but we got through it amicably. As she was leaving she gave me a long hug and started crying. Before, that would have really gotten to me. Today, I felt absolutely nothing.
I think the detachment is nearly complete.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Good men = solid men are becoming extinct. Like u guys said about the ladies -- I've noticed some men on this board with a devotion to their families that is beyond amazing. (Telemark, JB, gunny, immediately pop to mind --- and there are so many others, I'm just in bed, and tired!!)
Whoa! Telemark's packing heat!! Awesome! 