Is this really an ultra marathon?

[jbnati]

My old thread once again has exceeded 100 posts. Thanks again everyone for all of the support and encouragement here!

Here are the links to the old threads:
Continuous Confusion
Trying to love my WAW from a distance
Trying to love my WAW from a distance II
Trying to love my WAW from a distance III
It's a marathon, but where are the mile markers?
Still in the marathon - am I going the right way?
Marathon continues. It is me or is it all uphill?
Where is this marathon leading me anyway?
Still in the marathon - did I miss a turn?
Marathon continues. Where we going, anyway?
Why did I sign up for this marathon, again?
Why was there no course map for this marathon?

Yep, that's a lot of threads. The marathon continues. I think it may have been an ultra marathon to begin with. That's not what I thought at the beginning, though. It felt more like a 50 yard dash. By the grace of God, I've been given more time to work on myself and grow. I have certainly done a lot of that. It's a hard road, and I'm looking for God's purpose in this.

I continue to try to look for and focus on the positives in this. I have certainly drawn closer to God. I have met a ton of new people, and made a lot of new friends. I feel like I'm finding myself. I have drawn closer to my son, too. I have been doing a lot of new and exciting things. TBH, I think I've learned more than I ever cared to learn about relationship dynamics, too. I feel like to some extent, I've been able to make some lemonade out of those proverbial lemons I've been given.

We're all just a work in progress anyway, right?

[jbnati]

It was another nice day today here. I am still on vacation, so I slept late today because my S was with my W.

I have been thinking - I took some vacation around this time last year to spend it with my W and to paint the Master Bedroom together. I guess I'm just spending this time this year just doing whatever I feel like.

Today I grabbed a book and went to the local coffee shop. I drained a couple of cups of coffee. I had decided to hop on my bike again today, despite my body's protests. I only rode 22 miles today and it was pretty flat. In an odd way it seemed to soothe the sore muscles - I better after I finished than when I had started.

My S and I had a great evening together. I made dinner a little early and we hopped on our bikes and rode up to get some ice cream. 3 more miles on the bike. We played some cards before bedtime.

No contact with W at all today. Usually when my S is with, I don't ask what they did, either. Sometimes he'll offer up something or he'll mention something because he's distraught

[ncl]

Hi, JB!

Any chance you dressed up as Superman for Halloween? Because seriously, you deserve a cape! You are definitely a superhero in my book!

I'm glad you were able to take off a little time from work for YOU, doing the things you enjoy (biking, spending quality time with your son, GAL like a rockstar). Let me remind you in case you forget...your wife may never mention the changes she sees in you, but trust me...she notices. Oh, how I pray that she WAKES UP!!!!! before she's let the great man in her life go.

If anyone can make it through an ultra-marathon, it's YOU, JB! Stay the course and know that your support system is vast.

love & hugs, lc4

[gunny]

JB,
Enjoy the day! Weather is sunny and mild here today, great day for a 3 mile walk at the canal. Then an ACOA meeting tonight. Hope you are well, keep leaning forward!

[Rick1963]

"It's a hard road, and I'm looking for God's purpose in this.'

JB I was thinking about this^^^ yesterday also. I went to read my emails and there was an email from a women I interned with in an emergency room 16 years ago. I lost touch with her. She is a strong believer in God. We spoke today for an hour perfect timing as have been feeling very depressed. She is also a SW. I told her about my sitch and she said God will care for you stop worrying. She also said that there were many jobs available to me if needed on. I am starting to believe more than ever in God.

PS: I wish I hade your energy keep up the good work.50 mile bike ride? Ghezzz my commute is 90 miles each way and that makes me tired

[jbnati]

JB,

It never fails to warm my heart and bring a smile to my face when I see you have commented on my thread.

Same here

Any chance you dressed up as Superman for Halloween? Because seriously, you deserve a cape! You are definitely a superhero in my book!

Haha! You are too funny! I actually wanted to steal a road construction barrel and dress up as that because they're so prominent in Ohio.

I hope my W wakes up, too. I appreciate you saying that. If she wants to D the jb from a few years ago, that's fine with me because I'm not that man anymore. I believe things don't stay the same and they can always get better if you're willing to work to make them better. I'm not stuck in my ways, but I also don't want to change if it's not goint to make me a better person. (if that makes any sense )

Thanks for your support, love, and hugs!!

[jbnati]

JB,
Enjoy the day! Weather is sunny and mild here today, great day for a 3 mile walk at the canal. Then an ACOA meeting tonight. Hope you are well, keep leaning forward!

Thanks for dropping in, gunny. Our weather was mild and overcast earlier, and then it started raining. I had plenty going on, though! Sounds like you had a full day planned!

[jbnati]

Rick,
Thanks for stopping in as well!

I personally believe God in working in my situation and there's much bigger picture than what I can see here. It may take some time before I see the actual purpose for all this, if I ever do. I believed after Bomb #1 & MC that God used that to teach me how to love. When I take a step back and look at it this way, I don't feel too bad. It's when I get caught up in the details of the situation and I'm not looking at the bigger picture when I start feeling wound up and anxious.

P.S. Just thinking about your commute makes ME tired! I like to drive, but geez, 90 mi. each way everyday would wear me out. I was riding for just under 3 hours, I'll bet you spend longer than that in the car!

[jbnati]

I ended up switching it up a bit today on the GAL'ing. I left the bike in the garage, hopped in the car, and drove for a little over an hour to a portion of the state where the first evidence of the Appalachian foothills starts appearing. I took to the ground and went for a 3 mile hike. I hiked to top of hill where there's a big rock with an overlook. By the time I got there, I was the only one there. I spent some time in solitude and prayer. So - if I've told you I was praying for you, that was one the times - right there, today.

My W texted me right before I started my hike. It was her night with my S, and she was supposed to take him to Cub Scouts. She asked if I could take him to Cub Scouts because she had to show a house (she's still dabbling in real estate) at 7. I waited ahwile before I texted back - I actually waited until halfway through my hike, because my first instinct was to text back something like "why on earth did you schedule a house showing on S's night for Cub Scouts". I wasn't going to make it easy like I would've prior to the bomb. I mean, if we go through a D, I am not going be as able and willing to be flexible.I realized his uniform was at her apartment, and asked if she could have it to the house by 6:30 because I had my plans for 7. She just said she would have to re-schedule the house showing. She ended up running late - my S ended up calling her, and she said was hung up at work and proabably wouldn't be to the house until 7:30. Since he called her when I was on my way out the door, I offered to take him there without his unform on my way.

I had my Men's group at church tonight. Another great group meeting. Another thing that's come out of the group - I am hosting a football party at the end of the month. This is a HUGE 180 for me! This is one of the complaints my W had against me - that of being reluctant to host people - or least that of my perceived reluctance. I think the complaint may have run a little deeper. I was guilty of "hiding" behind my W for my social life, if that makes any sense. Otherwise, I just let her run all the social events, where I think she may have preferred I had a social life of my own. Re-building my social life has been one of the biggest changes I've made since bomb #2. It's a change I'm very happy with and one I want to retain, regardless of what ultimately happens.

[workinghardguy]

I hear ya on the social thing JB. I did the same thing... took second seat and let my W play Social Director on our cruise. If anything, the re-building of a social life is the hardest part of all this for me. I'm inherently an introvert if given my way so that's challenging. "Hiding" is exactly the right term...

Somewhere a few months ago I saw something that said people can only say yes if you ask them. That's been the new mantra... ask. Worst things is they say no

My church doesn't have a men's group, but I've been considering, now that I'm not the new guy who wandered in the door, about approaching some people to start one. For an introvert that's a pretty scary proposition, but it would be one heck of a 180.