You can read more background under Newcomers - Upside Down.
Long story short, great time together mostly, but her plate extremelyfull. She decides it's time to clean her plate and move on with her somewhat left behind career, cleaning me off the plate as well.
I've been DB'ing successfully for a couple of weeks and seem to see signs of it working. (I realize how short this is) Other than me sleeping on the couch we're having pretty normal daily interaction, especially around the kids, minus any affection (though there have been a few hugs in the last week, generated by us both).
I'm curious what other's have experienced regarding the following. She can be a very strong and independent woman (a reason I really love her). So having made her decision to leave after the school year is over to attempt to resurrect her career, she'd indicated it made her feel much better and she is working to get her plate cleaned off. I know I need to hold back and not push counseling or anything else for that matter. My fear is though that if she is thinking my lack of discussing it means we're moving forward with her plan, everything is fine, and she'll never show any interest in counseling to provide an opportunity for us to work on it. Does that make sense? Anyone with any experience to share on this?
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. GAL. Detach the single most important thing to DO. Use the time that your W has given you as a gift to start to work on yourself.
I have been getting through much of the reading Cadet posted above, it is very googood, if you're on the forum and reading this, make note of every thing above there's lots of wisdom there.
Here's a question. It's amazing to me how much my W isn't herself. The irrational behaviour is quite mind boggling and hard to accept for someone I've known for 24+ years. Has anyone here ever experienced anyone going through this to "snap out of it" and begin working through things sooner than letting it run its course?
We went through dealing with an alcoholic brother. It was horrible and there was much irrationality there. My mother's therapist gave us some good advise: You cannot rationalize irrational behavior, don't try. With my W, it has helped going dim, but I'm realizing that it's extremely difficult, especially given the needed daily interaction around the kids. That's another topic.
DB'ing helps bring some of the rationality back, especially within yourself, but I have to admit I'm hoping for something a bit more miraculous.
G, They don't snap out of it...they have to work through the entire process in order to come out the other end of the crisis, hopefully a better and more solid individual.
There have been times when a person or something can interrupt their crisis for a period of time. However, when this occurs, their crisis will be far worse than it was before being interrupted.
Keep in mind, they become the mirror image of themselves...whatever they were like pre-crisis, they will be the exact opposite. Oh, btw, they are operating on pure emotional energy and they do not think rationally. So, please do not try to rationalize w/them...you won't win.
Try to focus on yourself and your family. It's difficult when they first hop on the Mother Ship, but you will find a way to turn the focus back on to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly speaks the truth. XH is going on 3 years of an interrupted MLC from 2002. Interrupted by the War in Iraq. We are now 20 months post bomb, and 6 months post D. I still rank up their with Bin Laden in his book of terrorists and madmen. Also the mirror image thing.
Snodderly speaks the truth. XH is going on 3 years of an interrupted MLC from 2002. Interrupted by the War in Iraq. We are now 20 months post bomb, and 6 months post D. I still rank up their with Bin Laden in his book of terrorists and madmen. Also the mirror image thing.
Punkin,
Your response up there ^^^^^ is why you should not go anywhere
