I guess I've posted a lot. When I started this thing, like I mentioned in some previous threads, I felt like it was a 50 yard dash. My W was on the fast track for D. Her target date was yesterday. It's been over 10 months now since the bomb. So if you're a newbie at this, there's always a strong possibility you have more time than you think you have.
Also, take this as an opportunity to take a deep look inside yourself. This is your chance to really discover the person you are and who you're meant to be. At least that's the way it's been for me. I can say I have made a considerable amount of changes that I'm very happy with. I've had the opportunity to do a lot of amazing things I probably never would have done had it not been for this time of trial.
For me, it's been a great opportunity to get closer to God. I have been blessed in so many ways even, or should I say especially, in this storm. My faith has grown tremendously through this experience.
I have met a lot of amazing people on this message board and otherwise through this experience. I have gotten a lot of support from all of you out there and I will be forever grateful.
Well, I'm still here after all this time, and I still fighting, still DB'ing. As a matter of fact, DB'ing has just become a way of life. Most of all, I'm on the mission to become my best possible self. I am continuing to look for ways to try to make lemonade out of all these lemons I've been dealt.
I felt a little better Friday night after posting here, getting responses, and talking with other friends.
However, Saturday morning rolled along. Usually when my W drops my S on Saturday morning on her weekends when she has to work, she drops my S off at home around 9:15. I was trying to sleep a little late because I was exhausted, but I just happened to wake up around 9:20. No sign of S. She didn't show up until 9:45 and she was supposed to be at work at 10:00, 30 minutes away. I was suspecting a little passive-aggressive behavior. I was talking to my S when he got here, and I guess my W was trying to scramble at the last second to get her morally bankrupt friend to watch him. I guess she was going to inform me of that at the last minute. It's OK, I guess it's really her weekend and if she has to work she can make her own arrangements. Unfortunately, I can't choose those arrangments. I absolutely don't mind watching my S, but I don't think it should be my responsiblity to drive down to her apartment to get him if it's her weekend and she has to work. JMVHO.
My S then told me yesterday he didn't want me to pick him up for church because his teacher wasn't going to be there. My W had already mentioned she made some plans that were non kid-friendly after church. I didn't want to hear that, and I especially didn't want my S to be involved with that. That created some internal tension because I was going to have to deal with that.
Here's what I ended up doing: I texted her and I asked if she had time for me to give her a call. I ended calling her with a way to simplify this upcoming week. Honestly, I think it works better for both of us. I am off work all week, so I told her instead of her picking up S on Tuesday evening, he could stay with me, and I'd drive him down to her apartment on Wednesday night. It's not too terribly inconvenient for me to that on Wednesday. I also told her my S didn't want to go to church and she outright volunteered to drop him off on early Sunday afternoon at my house. She said she had plans to watch the Bengals game with a "friend". Whatever. Overall I felt a lot better after the conversation over time on Saturday.
I had been debating on running a 5K on that day at 5pm, despite having a stiff knee. I had told my W nothing more than I had some plans and would have to leave around 4pm. So I ended up doing the 5K! I got to see some holiday lights. It was a tough course. Lots of hills. Kind of reminded me of my situation.
I came home early evening. I had pretty much eaten dinner at the race. Ugh - I still had to work. We're understaffed and very busy right now. So I had to finish up some stuff for my vacation push because I'm off work this week. Not exactly the way I wanted to spend Saturday evening, but at least I got the 5K in to GAL.
Got to bed late because I worked late and did some unproductive stuff after that. I was just disgusted with myself.
Today has been kind of an up and down day. I was still disgusted with myself this morning, so I was kind of down and in a bit of a funk. Lack of sleep was a definite contributor. It probably didn't help that I had worked on a Saturday evening, too.
I went to church this morning. Still love the people at my church. They have been so supportive through this. Great message this morning. After the service, I decided to sponsor a child through Compassion International! I'm pretty excited about it. I am sponsoring a little girl from Ecuador. I also had a meeting for the WV mission trip next year.
I got home before my W got there with my S and after the Bengals game started. I took my S to our favorite sports bar / wings place to watch the Bengals game. We ran into one of S's friends there, and I ended sitting with his Dad and watched part of the game with him. Ironically, S's friend's Dad is XH for someone I know at my church.
We came home and did some of the mundane things like grocery shopping, etc. We made a couple of extra stops to get some additional things.
I got a wild hair and decided to clean some of the carpet in the basement and decided to straigthten up the laundry room. My W had allowed more clutter than I like. For some reason, that 15 minutes spent straightening up the clutter in the laundry just made me feel good tonight. Now I'm rewriting history for the day and making it more positive!
No exercise today (I'm a little sore from the hilly 5K yesterday) nor was there contact with my W.
Good morning JB, Catching up on your sitch. I wouldnt be too bothered by what transpired with the w over driving responsibilities. You have been doing an outstanding job of DBING, if you feel that the one conversation with your s was not your finest moment(and I not sure that is the case), thats okay. You have been at this for what 10 months? A little slip here and there is perfectly understandable and to be expected. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Was curious, how would the old JB have dealt with a similar situation with spouse in the days before DBING? Compare what would have been your behavior with how you handled it this time. Would you have been more complacent about it in the past then you are now during DBING? Or more disgruntled. Was your reaction this time a 180? Or similar to the past? Just curious.
Your preamble to this new thread was great, really summed things up.
Today is 3 mile run on dreadmill, too rainy and muddy at the canal. Then some lifting, Enjoy the day JB
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Honestly, when i am having a bad day myself, I make it a point to come and visit your sitch. Your day to day GAL activities really give me that encouragement to push myself out of that funk mode.
Kudos for your activities man!! and Thanks!!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Thanks MK and IS. That kind of feedback helps to keep me GAL'ing and to stay on the move. It lifts me up when I'm a little down. So thank you so much for the support!
This has always been a tough time of year for me. It helps me to do my workouts outside. I'm attacking directly what's getting me down. Kind of like a running back going straight up the gut. Besides, I don't deal well with the artifical exercise (treadmills, stationary bikes, etc.) I had one of those elliptical things put me in physical therapy a few years ago.
It's a bit of a rainy day here. I took an 8.6 mi. bike ride this morning and smuggled in Chipotle for my S at lunch. Indoor recess today, so I just played Connect Four with my S. He was supposed to have a play this afternoon, but it's been postponed until tomorrow. My W was going to come up for the play. I did extend the courtesy to her to text her and let her know it wasn't today. I ended up coming home.
The rain is holding off right now and the temperature's not too bad - it's right around 49 degress. I may load up my bike and hit the bike path for awhile before my S gets home from school. I try to at least one long workout in a week. Tomorrow there is a chance of thunderstorms. So I may just get in my long ride today.
JB you have grown leaps and bounds during your time here.
I admire you so much.
That 5k sounds beautiful, with the holiday lights. I would love to do something like that!
Thanks, DG. I really appreciate it! The 5K was beautiful. The hills made it tough. Not only that, the longest I've run since late July has been 2.2 miles on flat land. It was a 5K run / walk, BTW. I ran the whole thing myself. Just being the way I am, if I signed up for it, I'm going to run the whole thing and pick up the pieces later.
It makes me sad to read you are disgusted with yourself, but I understand. There are going to be times when no matter how hard you try to keep upbeat, you just get down. For what it's worth...you are one of the strongest men I know...physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally and during a most very trying time in your life. Go easy on yourself, my sweet friend!
You cross my mind daily and have been in my prayers for a long time now. I pray for your son and your wife, too. I have 110% confidence in God's perfect plan, and I just can't wait to see what He has in store for you! I know it is very good things.
Hang in there, and keep doing what you're doing. You are such an inspiration to so many of us on this board, and I'm sure to many other people in your day-to-day life. I hope you have a very blessed Thanksgiving, JB!
When I started this thing, like I mentioned in some previous threads, I felt like it was a 50 yard dash. My W was on the fast track for D. Her target date was yesterday. It's been over 10 months now since the bomb. So if you're a newbie at this, there's always a strong possibility you have more time than you think you have. 
It's OK, I guess it's really her weekend and if she has to work she can make her own arrangements. Unfortunately, I can't choose those arrangments. I absolutely don't mind watching my S, but I don't think it should be my responsiblity to drive down to her apartment to get him if it's her weekend and she has to work. JMVHO.
Overall I felt a lot better after the conversation over time on Saturday.