Separated and almost divorced .........

[billly]

It's been 6 months since my wife left . We were Married for 16 years and have 3 young kids. Well at this point I have tried just about everything from being super nice to angry. but for the most part I have left her alone I only call her about the kids once or twice a week and she does the same. For the last 3 months I have been super nice to her and have been working on myself trying to get a life. I never talk about our relationship and nether does she but She just won't let up on the divorce. There doesn't seem to be another guy, I think I would know by now. I have read the DB book and tried all the technics .whatever I do just seems to make her mad. I have been going out a lot recently and that really seems to make her mad. At this point I just don't know what to try next. When I see her I am always nice, I ask her how she is and sometimes I tell her she looks good but she never says much.I did recently ask her if I could come over and talk to her but she refused. We are now coming up on the final settlement part of the divorce, I know this will cause more strain. The whole thing has been very strange from the beginning. My wife is a very family oriented person and always said she would never get a divorce and my kids have suffered greatly. It just doesn't make sense. What can I say to her? How about Christmas, do I get her a gift ? One thing she did say about 3 months ago was that the divorce preceding have caused unrepairable damage, what can I say to that. Yes there has been damage done but I would do anything to have my family back.

[2chiquitos]

What helped me was to look at how I was expressing my love to SO. I realized I was doing it all wrong! Also, I looked up the 5 languages of love! I learned he NEEDS to be appreciated and respected in front of others (something I did not do!).

Instead of just being nice, dig deep. What were some of the things that really bugged her about you? It may be something past relationships have also brought up to you... Also, be who you were when you first met. The person she fell in love with.

[2thepoint]

Hey Billy, sorry your in such a tough place. Regarding Christmas, I probably wouldn't get her anything. And regarding the D, you can stop it now if you wanted to. You could instruct your L to stall, if you wanted to. If time is what you need, there are ways of getting it.

I think there are still things you can do from a DB perspective. It is hard to tell though from your post what you have tried and for how long.

You probably should consider posting a thread in the Newcomers forum, there is a lot more activity there and plenty of people willing to provide guidance. Also, if you do post a new thread, please provide as much detail about your situation as possible. The more information you provide, the easier it will be for people to provide guidance.

Good luck!