Yep, I've been here for awhile, and I've posted a lot. I started using this as a place to journal a few months ago. The support I've gotten and the folks here I've met have been truly amazing.
Again, when I started this journey, my W was on the fast track. Over time it has turned into a marathon, and now an ultramarathon. If you're reading this and you think you're trying to beat the clock, there's a chance you have more time to DB than you think you do. If you end up getting the gift of time, take advantage of it and work on becoming your best possible self, the spouse only a fool would leave, and the better option.
I had a consultation with a DB coach in the first month of my situation. One of the things he strongly suggested doing was to GAL. I've worked pretty hard on GAL'ing and I thought at least for myself, I'd recap some highlights of what I've done to GAL. If it gives someone else some ideas, that's fantastic. - Took my S to the UNC-Duke NCAA basketball game in Chapel Hill, NC in March - Joined the softball team with my church - first time I've played softball in about 25 years. - Went on a weekend personal spiritual retreat in Western NC in April - Went snow tubing with my S in February - Went to West Virginia for my first mission trip and served at a juvenile detention center - Took the family vacation with my S, but without my W this summer to Outer Banks - Was a crew leader for the first time at the VBS at our church - Joined a Healing Relationships group at my church on Tuesday nights - Joined the Men's group at my church on Thursday nights - Ran 5 5K races this year - my first races since the early 90s - Rode on some group bike rides with the local bike shop - Played some golf after a few years' hiatus - Starting helping the student ministries at our church - This school year, I started having lunch with my S at school on a weekly basis - This last weekend - learned how to ice skate - Increased my exercise program
All of this has helped me grow and meet a lot of new people. It's helped me to find myself. It's helped me grow closer to God. This is all stuff that's added a spring to MY step. I think GAL'ing is about what adds that spring to YOUR step. It's different for everyone.
Busy weekend. The ambivalence about my situation was continuing yesterday. I took the day off exercise yesterday. Great church service in the morning.
I came back to church in the after cramming in lunch and grocery shopping. I came back to help out with the student ministries with the Christmas party. It was grades 5-12, and I was the only volunteer adult My S was with me, and he ended up having a great time! They just ran 3 movies and had video games and junk food for the kids. I had a pretty decent time myself.
Today the ambivalence continues, but there is a bit of underlying anxiety building. It might be because my S had a rough morning and I wasn't in the best rhythm. It was very cold this morning - 21 degrees. I just settled for a 2 mile walk for my exercise.
I agree, think the buildup to the holiday is pretty disquieting. Also, not being able to get those long bike rides in definately cuts down on the endorphin production!
Good synopsis of your GAL activities JB!
m 54 XW 48 m 12 t 14 bomb 6-11 s 10-11 wife moved to other state 10-21-11 d 9-12
O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!
Great list of GAL-ing, JB. Very inspiring to people like myself who are looking for things to do. Also, two thumbs up on hanging in there into ultra-marathon mode! A lesser man would have fallen after half the time you've treaded.
Great list of GAL-ing, JB. Very inspiring to people like myself who are looking for things to do. Also, two thumbs up on hanging in there into ultra-marathon mode! A lesser man would have fallen after half the time you've treaded.
Thanks WCF. I can't say it's been an easy road. Actually, it's quite the opposite - it's the hard road.
Since I was up late the night before, I got to work much later than I wanted to. I failed to look at my calendar and ended up missing a conference call. I also found out the dog had chewed on some of the Christmas lights on the tree. Just something to deal with. I also found out today I missed a pack meeting for my S's Cub Scouts last night. I felt bad about that. I was just way out of sorts earlier in the day.
I ended up taking a time out today and talked through / caught up on my situation for awhile with a female friend at work. I have been very open about my situation and have gotten a ton of support. This particular friend is married. Just helps to get it out every now and then.
I didn't see my W today when she came to pick up my S. She texted me to let me know she had already picked up my S. I ended up calling her. It turned out to be a pleasant conversation. She had called me earlier, but not left a message. It turned out she failed to tell me about the Cub Scout pack meeting so I felt like at least I didn't drop the ball on that one.
Tonight to GAL, I was actually double-booked. I could either meet with the Men's group or the Relationships (a.k.a. Ladies') group. I opted for the latter. We met at one of the lady's houses. We had a very nice time. More support. We all prayed together when we were there.
The ambivalence about my situation re-surged later on tonight when I was driving to my group. I just feel like better things are in my future, whether it's with my W or not. Right now, my W would have a whole lot of convincing to do if she wanted to come back. I would certainly be willing to work with her, but I absolutely can't return to the old M. No way.
Already a little minor drama today. My W dropped my S off at my house to catch the bus. I had said I'd be home this morning and could get him on the bus. However, he left his backpack for school in the car. I suggested to my S to call my W and work out a solution. She was on her way to work. She asked him at one point when I was leaving for work. I just said it was pretty soon. Not bailing her out, not this time.
I started using this as a place to journal a few months ago. The support I've gotten and the folks here I've met have been truly amazing.
Seems everyone is a little off.
Just something to deal with. I also found out today I missed a pack meeting for my S's Cub Scouts last night. I felt bad about that. I was just way out of sorts earlier in the day.