not enought time and too much distance

[~ kd ~]

Let's see... I've got a door cracked open for one xGF that's got cobwebs... going on 20 years... It'll never happen, but... it's open...

My stbX-MIL kept the door open for an xBF that was open for... I honestly believe it was almost 50 years... she's now M to him...

[any chance?]

Had a dismal weekend after the D on Friday.

Today is a new day. Need to pick myself up and move forward.

Door is open, the way is paved and smooth, but I doubt she will ever even notice. How sad.

[any chance?]

Guess now that the D is done, my postings will slow. Not much to talk about.

Going to be interesting to see how the healing process goes. On the internal, self-induced roller coaster about whether I will ever see my XW again, or if she will someday be interested in who I am and what I am doing. I am quite struck by how often I think of her, and am amazed that she does not think of me at all. Quite hard to get the brain wrapped around.

The support here is critical. Thanks for listening.

[2stepboogie]

So...how long do you keep the door cracked and the way home paved and smoothed. When do you just accept facts?

What a good question, one that I asked myself and this board on numerous occasions throughout this bloody mess. The answer that was given was quite simple and sometimes frustrating to read. "Only you know" I suppose that is the short of it.


I will share with you something 25 posted to me when I asked the same question a few short weeks after my D was final

See, I'm thinking your actions are the same regardless of what she thinks/wants/plans,

Simple but true.

Door is open, the way is paved and smooth, but I doubt she will ever even notice. How sad.

You are separated by distance and the only changes she will see are those she hears on the phone or what mutual friends report back to her. The distance is both good and bad. It allows you room to heal and not have the occasional run ins at the local grocery stores and such but it leaves an empty void that you struggle to fill.

It is very cliché but time is the great physician.

You can't control how you feel about it anymore than you can control the weather but you can control what you do about it.

Stay in bed and mourn or chose to get up and face the day.

Eventually it becomes easier and easier.

[Valeska19]

I'm sorry you are struggling AC.

I find myself having trouble signing my own papers. It's a different sitch, but I too struggle with the fears you are facing.

In all honesty, we don't know how much or if our WAS thinks of us. My gut says that they do.

And we don't know if they will ever want to be part of our lives again.

Even if DB has transformed our lives and we truly become men and women that only a fool would leave, our spouses have their own journeys to take, the own inner changes to make..

.... and there is nothing we can do to help that process.

But IMHO - until that journey is made, no r can exist.

I believe 2step said it best, no matter what they do... our journey remains the same.

Begin your journey AC. Fill it with happiness and love, fill it with personal growth and excitement.

And leave the M in God's hands.

((( )))

[any chance?]

Thanks V, 2step. Feeling pretty alone these days.

Since my nowXW moved 1500 miles away 5 months ago, she has cut off virtually all contacts with her friends here, and has been heavily dependant on an old girlfriend who lives 3 hours from her in her new state, and an old boyfriend in an adjacent state who is now the OM. Only two people in the world she talks to.

Got a late night call out of the blue from her girlfriend. She tells me she "does not know who (my wife) is any more" and does not know where her head is. So now my depressed XW is almost completely isolated, with no one but this new OM in a rebound relationship. To say I am concerned about her is a major understatemnt

[any chance?]

Question:
Is it normal for my now XW to cut off all communication following the signing of the papers? She has now isolated herself from everyone, except the new boyfriend. Is this how the XW copes?

And, in a bizarre twist, she contacted my sister a few days ago, and made plans to meet with her in a couple of weeks. XW will not talk to me, but wants to meet up with my sister.

I must admit to not understanding any of this. I think I need to teach myself to cut her out of my life the way she has cut me out of hers. Just seems to be a hard thing to do. I am divorced (separated) now. Should probably start acting like it.

[~ kd ~]

Hey AC, in MLCland, there's a type that's called "the vanisher". They can disappear at any time, during or after. I'm sure that's not an odd thing even for a WAS.

If it's "different" than her past behaviour of contact, then the papers could be the trigger. Certainly there are people who see the rubber stamp as some transition to a new life. It could be a coping mechanism although it could just as easily be because she feels no further need to communicate with you. She has a new life, now.

My W is like that. If it wasn't for the kids or the need to process the SA, I am confident there would be zero contact. There is no doubt in my mind that it is both anger and perhaps a little remorse that is preventing her from wanting to communicate with me. Of course, it didn't help that I was clingy and pursuing early on. She would not want that to recur.

Was your W and your sister "good friends" in the past, prior to bomb?

[Valeska19]

I think that the sooner we, as the LBS, learn that ANYTHING is possible, the sooner we learn to safeguard our heart.

Yes.. you will need to teach yourself.. and yes it will be difficult.

Try to focus on all the positives of your life now. If you are having a hard time defining those.. well... start creating them!

[any chance?]

Kaffe:
Nope, my sister and my XW were not good friends, and barely had any interaction other than holidays and family gatherings. Seems a bit bizarre.

Got a cold hearted note from XW last night. All business. All about money. She could not care less if I live or die. How depressing.

Time to get over it. Need to move on. Still amazes me that I can be so concerned about her well being and she could care less about me. So much for 20 years. What a waste.