Separation Helped So Far..

[anyhope]

Well I'm not sure what they're thinking, but without sounding rude they're not the brightest people of all. I told my mom how h said that ow is just his friend and prior to me moving she said why move, they're just friends. I'm guessing she was worried how I'll manage on my own without him, but she would be the perfect example why I shouldn't stay. She left my dad soon after I moved out (from home) and my brother was old enough and she said she'd only been with my father for years to raise us. When she left she already had her 2nd husband lined up, had she not met that guy she would of never left to be alone, shes not strong like that.
Aside from that my dad really likes h and so does my brother, to top it off my brother works for my husband so they're like brothers and that didn't change when he cheated, in fact my bro was told about ow before I was so he can be prepared of what's to come.
I'm pretty sure the reason h wants to be with me is not that he has no choice, but it was a perfect excuse for him to try and move in with me. I said no and shortly after he called me and announced that he found the perfect place down the street from me (1 min walk) I was pissed but what can I do? Tho I told him I don't want to be so close to him. That apartment turned out to be not available after all and he is moving elsewhere, but he's not far (5 min tops by car), still better than right next to me :-/
So thats the update on the move situation...

[kml]

Well - good thing you can be objective about your family and their motivations where H is concerned.

You sound like you're doing a good job being strong. Just remember what it WOULD look like if H was REALLY a good guy who genuinely was trying to atone for his sins. He'd be willing to do anything it takes, including RESPECTING YOUR WISHES.

Don't settle for less. Imagine how hard all this would be if you already had kids.

[anyhope]

Well I had the most interesting night last night. My friend called and invited me to his place as he was having a get together with a few people. I didn't feel like going but felt bored and somewhat down so I decided that I should go after all and socialize. I called to let him know but there was no answer and I figured they cant hear the phone so I'll just show up. Now this is the friend that H takes ow to sometimes and sometimes when he calls me and invites me over I feel like he asks if I'm sure about not going and if I am then H can bring ow (I know, messed up friendship, but whatever)
Well last night as I was going there I had this weird feeling that she'll be there. I parked my car at the usual parking lot and didn't see H's car there but saw it shortly around the corner, so he was there for sure and still had that gut feeling. I go up and knock on the door, it was noisy inside as usual when he has people over and they didnt hear me knock, I knocked for a while before deciding to see if the door was left unlocked. It was so I walked right in quickly screening the room to search for her but didnt see her.. Didnt mean she wasn't there.
My friend came up to me right away and started telling me that he thought I wasnt coming and she was also there. By the time he said that I saw her stand and exit to the balcony. Lol. Thank God I had a feeling about this, I was 'prepared' very calm, and when he suggested I should go so he can introduce us I agreed. (wish I could of seen h's face at this point tho we passed by him I forgot to glance over.
Ow sat in the corner and I smiled and waved at her. She was hesitant but stood to shake my hand. Seeing all those pic of her on fb I felt like I already knew her. I was very nice and even kissed her on the cheeks (traditional for us.. not for her but I wanted to make a lasting impression and I think kissing her was the icing on the cake) Following that I greeted the girls sitting around and while taking my jacket off I could hear H telling the guys 'awkward' and I was thinking must be for you.. And proceeded with the originally planned socializing.
They, especially her seemed a bit uncomfortable and about an hour later they decided to leave (which is funny because h is usually the last one to leave any party)
Today he came over to pick up some paperwork he needed and I said nothing. He said what an idiot out friend was to invite both of us at the same time. He tried to suggest that our friend wanted ow to come over and they were not together. I said yeah whatever. And he said fine, believe what you want.
My friend also called just now congratulating me for having such composure and handling the situation so well. I told him I had a feeling this would happen and I was prepared. Also told him that H was blaming him for inviting ow and putting him in that situation. He basically said that was bs, so so much for the 'I no longer talk to her' and all that bs he says sometimes. I'm actually happy I was able to catch him lying.
And I must add that ow was wearing plastic heart shaped sunglasses on her head which I find really funny. People over the age of 6 should not be seen with one of those.

[kml]

And I must add that ow was wearing plastic heart shaped sunglasses on her head which I find really funny. People over the age of 6 should not be seen with one of those.

Lol!!!

You are SO right.

Ok - so I, like you, am glad that now you have confirmation. He's full of bullsh!t and any last lingering doubts you might have had about whether he might possibly be sincere should be gone, gone, gone.

I think you ought to come on over to the Surviving the Big D forum.

[verycrazy]

Honestly, anyhope, you are a rock star and should have star-shaped sunglasses!!

And, like kml said, he is full of bull; you know it and he knows you know it.

I don't know what you plan to do other than carry on, but I hope your H will one day "wake up" and see how foolish he has been.

[oldtimer]

Come on, heart shaped sunglasses are fun.

[anyhope]

:)) hello All,
Long time no update I know. Not much happening and I'm coping very well. I just adopted very well to this state we're in right now. I'm not ready to get a divorce, not because I still want him back but mostly becasue I'm still trying to get a 'normal' grip on things. He still calls daily, multiple times a day. Wants to do things together and he may or may not be through with ow. He says he is but he's been saying that for a long time.. What he says no longer means anything to me which is sad, he was always someone I trusted and I'd like to be friends with him. I told him that but I always feel like he wants more and every time he calls he annoys me because I know he's not calling as a friend he's trying to reconcile even if he doesn't say it. I don't date other people even tho there is lots of interest (lol) Ive noticed I push people away. Not ready for dating for many reasons.
It does bother me tho that he wants me back yet has not made a single 'correct' step, nor would go along with HIS original plan and be friends with me. So that's a bit hard.. I was thinking of updating my Facebook status to say in a relationship to get him to back off a little or move on with his life or just forget about me a little or think I'm no longer available, but in reality he'd go asking around about my 'boyfriend' who is non existent.. Lol. I don't know, but overall happy to be alone, very peaceful, no fights, no nagging no negative at all...

[verycrazy]

Hi, anyhope, good to know you are at peace with yourself. I can't imagine what your H is thinking. He has to have sensed that he has lost his importance. Yet he can't seem to get it into his brain that only he can fix himself. Yeah, he has been telling you A has ended, but when will you catch him in another lie? Another thing he doesn't understand; he's gonna get caught when he lies. I hope you've been having a great time, just being happy doing your own thing.

I went back and was reading how your doctor said your H wasn't giving you something you needed, and it was the emotional support he couldn't give you. As well as being so judgmental about everything you did. He just wants you to do what he wants you to do, and he wants you to do it his way, on his timetable. I wonder if eventually he will start to feel the loss of YOU, when he sees how strong you are becoming, and are not going to do it HIS way.

I don't blame you about not being ready to date.

vc

[anyhope]

Right. That constant feeling of being judged and not good enough all the time. I guess over the years I 'learned' to put up with it so to say but it only pushed us away.
I no longer ask him about ow as he's been saying its over.. Thats his story and he's sticking to it. He no longer tells anything to fiends I speak to as things come back to me. Not sure if I mentioned how he took ow to a party he knew I wasnt going to. I found out about it later so I figured that instead of ending things with her he might just be more careful and I think I was right.
Out of curiosity I looked at ow's facebook page the other day and she became friend with another friend of our. One that I'm not in touch with but lately h is. So I'm guessing he knows I dont talk to that guy and will not find out about him being with ow. So... all games...
Yet he just called me now to go to a beach, makes me sick really.

[kml]

It does bother me tho that he wants me back yet has not made a single 'correct' step, nor would go along with HIS original plan and be friends with me

Exactly. If he was SINCERE about getting back together, his behavior would look VERY VERY different.

So - got any fun plans for your summer? If you're not dating, how about joining some meetup groups just to make friends and socialize?