Hi, thanks for the responses. I had forgotten all about this thread truthfully. Things have gotten a little weird to tell the truth. I had been doing a complete no talking about anything but the kids and only when absolutely necessary. Well, needed to talk about the youngest because it was taking forever hashing out her vacation plans in Feb with her dad by email, so I called. Well, I thought I could handle it but ended up talking about things I hadn't intended to. An example is that our 17 year old has been staying overnight at her boyfriend's since her dad took over custody. First time I had brought the subject up and I was pissed. Well, he had been under the impression that I had been letting her so it was okay.A lot of other crap came up also but it cleared the air. I had been so furious at him and now I'm not. So we will see how it works out now.
Also wanted to add that at one point in the conversation he admitted that he did miss me a little. So to make a long story short, I went over there at midnight, and propositioned him. He agreed though he seemed reluctant and then said it was a mistake after. I think he still has feelings for me but is so unhappy with me that he doesn't want to act on them. He also has that other woman in his life. Maybe. He says they don't have a physical relationship yet even though they have been seeing each other at least 6 months and have known each other for over a year. But my youngest stopped talking about her awhile ago and he says she hasn't seen her in a month though its because the OW is busy. I'm confused now. I did tell him I was done and would no longer do any sort of pursuing. I still love my ex but this isn't working. I had thought that I was getting better. Suggestions anyone?
I did tell him I was done and would no longer do any sort of pursuing.
You told him this right 'after' you had gone over to his house at midnight and propositioned him and then had sex with him? How much effect do you think what you told him had, given the circumstances?
I'm not criticizing what you did. I'm just saying your words probably had very little effect when you spoke them.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
I say work on you. What are things that you didn't do because he didn't want to? Anything that you have been wanting to try? How do you want to improve yourself for YOU (because if it is for him, those things won't stick)? Move that little spot light off of him and point it on you for a while.
This isn't about him now...just you. As for the sex, well it has been 4 years for me. I needed and wanted to get my kids and myself through this before I even thought about dating. Me thinks it is time.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well, I had been completely ignoring him for two months before the other night. I thought I had made some progress till he told me he missed me a little. Anyway, I told him the next day I did not want to pursue him that I was still open at the time if he changed his mind later but I was going to keep doing what I had been doing. I need to also.I need to move on knowing he will probably never change his mind. As far as doing things I like to do I just took my daughter roller skating last Saturday. He didn't like to even before his ankle problems. I love to skate and had a lot of fun. I've been consistently working out. I actually am starting to enjoy my job more. It used to grate on my nerves when we were still married. I'm working on becoming a member of my church(he's agnostic, and hates organized religion). I am starting to remember what I liked about myself from before we were married. I will not lose those parts of myself again for anything.
I talked to a friend about the situation. She said she has seen this happen a lot. Basically my ex has entered man-whore territory and become someone I don't even know. He probably cheated on me at least emotionally. He won't admit to even that. He supposedly has a girlfriend who he has now definitely cheated on with me. I realize now he didn't miss me so much as he was lonely because he has no one to be with and he misses even the sporatic sex life we had when we were married. He has reached a level of pathetic that if I were standing on firmer ground would revolt me and I have to keep reminding myself of that!
