What if on the following day the sight of a good-looking swimming pool made your heart skip beats with excitement and caused you to fantasize about just how delicious it would be to jump in? See, I think that's where we differ. It's not logical -- our "reasoning" here is driven by our hormones, not our intellect.
Your explanation sounds more like my wife in the best of times years ago. Sure, it was fine one day, but the next day -- "Well, gee, we just did it yesterday!" That answer felt like total rejection to me at the time. Now I'm used to it.
I would agree with your "reasoning" to periods within a day. If we had a good session in the morning, then I could often feel that it was good for the whole day. But the next day, and certainly by the second day, everything is a "reset" for me.
Perhaps in looking backup you should have never gotten used to it. That really is a slap in the face of anyone recieving it. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot.
How does your drive stay up with the constant rejection, and the lack of use?
Huh??? I said I'm HD. I really don't see any significant difference between my level of psychic and physical desire from my teenage years. So the answer is the same as for a teenager who hasn't had a date yet. How can his drive stay up with the constant rejection by his high school girls and lack of use? Duh. Same answer. And really, lack of use?? Go back to when you were a teen. Same answer.
How can anybody who's HD experience lack of use? I never even considered that as a possibility.
I don't think sex and emotional intimacy can be compartmentalized against the rest of the relationship. There has to be other points of pain.
If a guy can get through his early teens without a relationship, surely he can survive the same situation as an adult? That's probably what my wife figures.
And if you grew up with a sister, same thing. That's not a problem, right. So, for some people, it's not that there is this huge amount of pain and dysfunction and crisis and arguments. Some couples have learned to separate the sexual issue. The question for them is, how to reintegrate sex in a relationship that has become a friendly and brother-sister, who just happen to agree to disagree about something.
What if on the following day the sight of a good-looking swimming pool made your heart skip beats with excitement and caused you to fantasize about just how delicious it would be to jump in? See, I think that's where we differ. It's not logical -- our "reasoning" here is driven by our hormones, not our intellect.
Your explanation sounds more like my wife in the best of times years ago. Sure, it was fine one day, but the next day -- "Well, gee, we just did it yesterday!" That answer felt like total rejection to me at the time. Now I'm used to it.
I would agree with your "reasoning" to periods within a day. If we had a good session in the morning, then I could often feel that it was good for the whole day. But the next day, and certainly by the second day, everything is a "reset" for me.
My point was just to explain to you how your wife feels from her point of view, although maybe you already know. Surely there is something you are "LD" for -- something that you might enjoy doing periodically, but not every day, or not necessarily even every week. Can you really not understand how someone could feel that way about sex? Perhaps not.
It's outside of my belief system to allow this to go on for this long, for you or TheCaptain.
The difference would be the same if it was a man doing it to a woman.
Well I would have never believed that this was possible, much less likely or else I would not have remarried.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
I was wondering if you had any new feedback or revelations.
It's not obvious to me that switching to a new wife is any guarantee of solving the sex problem, not to mention all the other emotional and financial costs, especially when the marriage is otherwise good.
A FWB arrangement can help in this situation. And at the same time it can also make one lazy about trying to find a better solution.
I've found a lot of the advice about "getting tough" with your spouse about sex to be useless. It's just not very much fun to have sex with someone who really doesn't want to be there and just wants it to be over with. And it's particularly uninspiring to think that's the only kind of sex you might have for the rest of your life.
I hope your story has changed. A contact of mine pointed out that it appears that your current wife doesn't feel that there is a problem. That nothing you can do short of divorcing her will make her feel this. He feels it's a marriage of convenience, for her.
I hope you and The Captain make decisions that you can live with. SSM marriage is nothing to be taken lightly whether you are a woman or a man.
Well, to pass the time in my SSM, here's an amusing and irksome reminder I see every single day on TV.
All those Viagra, Cialis, etc. commercials -- All those happy guys who got their erections back, and their smiling happy wives who supposedly are delighted to have a functional husband again. Uh huh, yeah, right. Let me tell you guys, before you go to your doctor and ask if your heart is healthy enough for sex and you waste your co-pay on Viagra, you better ask your wives if they are interested in resuming sex. Because the stats are that about half of all women have a reduction in sexual desire after menopause. But the commercials are never going to say, "Ask your wife if she is ready for sex." The answer will be no in more cases than asking if your heart is healthy enough for sex.
I'd bet that Viagra sales would go up considerably if there were also a pink pill that could be prescribed for the wives at the same time.
Those Viagra commercials always make me laugh, because the ludicrous assumption is that all women can't wait for their husbands to have an erection.
Those Viagra commercials always make me laugh, because the ludicrous assumption is that all women can't wait for their husbands to have an erection.
They are for the other 50% that dont have a reduction.
In theory women's testoserone levels increase after menopause so that should be true. In practice you are correct as there is usually more going on than just one hormone level.
