Feel free to add your own. I'm making this post because I'm too lazy to see if there is already one about this.
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Everything can be interpreted differently by every observer.
Eat, Pray, Love seems like an uplifting story of someone who finds a new sense of self and goes seeking to create a bigger life. Yet an LBS interprets the protagonist as someone who avoids the reality that happiness is something we create within ourselves, regardless of our sitch. Not something we "find" by leaving a tough sitch.
There's an ongoing, philisophical argument about whether love is an emotion or love is and action (or choice).
IMO, love IS an EMOTION. It is contrary to lust and should not be confused with the chemical stimulation that can create lust.
Love BECOMES an action or choice, by what we do, how we act, and our choices, which come from a loving place. We CAN NOT act out of love or choose out of love, if we are not first feeling love.
Which brings me to a new one that I'm seeing recently, that we can not be happy in a relationship if we are not first happy, single in order to be able to then share that with others. Like Eat, Love, Pray, a WAS seems to take that thought literally and feel they must leave an M in order to find their happiness as a single person. Those who are indoctrinated into DB methodologies will have heard that happiness comes from within, regardless of the sitch.
Rather, when we become genuine and operate from a place which is true to ourselves, that we find our happiness. We can do that single AND we can do that in an R. It need not be an either / or situation.
Anger and bitterness that shows up for anyone, whether in an R break down or in life in general is toxic. It often comes from frustrations of being unable to accept that we cannot control things that aren't meant to be controlled by us. Especially people. It can come from our unwillingness to be responsible. To live responsibly. Because it's easier to live as a victim.
Understanding the difference between entitlement and deservedness... and further understanding that... by nature or by God... we are entitled to nothing... and we deserve even less... we are simply blessed to be on this earth, to begin with... everything else is ours to create...
It's one thing to accept... it's a completely bigger thing, and from which major growth occurs, to surrender...
Stated in Christianity as turning the other cheek...
Stated in Buddhism as flowing with...
What kind of life could we create for ourselves, if we strove to be the best we are all capable of being?
And last from me, finally... living life from an abundant, win / win, altruistic position... and being great leaders, by supporting those around us in their own greatness, is truly a gift that we all can have and share... maybe... is what this life is really all about...
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So that brings me to a post that I recently saw on FB. It is presented as coming from a nurse who has made observations of those who spoke of their life, regrets, etc. Whether that is accurate or not, these are fundamental behaviours that IMHO, everyone (and especially LBS) can find value in... Here goes:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness
This one is about suicide, but I always thought it kinda applied to a WAS.
The point is that a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which build a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
1: I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 2: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 3: I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Good post KD. Personally i felt that in Eat-pray-love the main character was looking outside to make her feel better. But the external things are just transitory. As lot of people on this forum point out, you first have to be happy with yourself before expecting anything out of a relationship.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Eat, Pray, Love seems like an uplifting story of someone who finds a new sense of self and goes seeking to create a bigger life. Yet an LBS interprets the protagonist as someone who avoids the reality that happiness is something we create within ourselves, regardless of our sitch. Not something we "find" by leaving a tough sitch.
Finally! Someone who agrees with me! I HATED that stupid book - she was just a self-indulgent woman who cheated on her husband and then took off looking for "happiness" from external sources.
Now - if the protagonist had been a LBS who pulled herself together and went off on adventures instead of staying a victim - THAT would have been a book I could have enjoyed.
Now - if the protagonist had been a LBS who pulled herself together and went off on adventures instead of staying a victim - THAT would have been a book I could have enjoyed.
For THAT story... read (or watch) "Under The Tuscan Sun". That was probably the story line the author of EPL was looking for...
Eat, Pray, Love seems like an uplifting story of someone who finds a new sense of self and goes seeking to create a bigger life. Yet an LBS interprets the protagonist as someone who avoids the reality that happiness is something we create within ourselves, regardless of our sitch. Not something we "find" by leaving a tough sitch.
Finally! Someone who agrees with me! I HATED that stupid book - she was just a self-indulgent woman who cheated on her husband and then took off looking for "happiness" from external sources.
Now - if the protagonist had been a LBS who pulled herself together and went off on adventures instead of staying a victim - THAT would have been a book I could have enjoyed.
This one is about suicide, but I always thought it kinda applied to a WAS.
The point is that a person is driven to suicide by a whole bunch of different things, which build a wall around them, piece by piece, until the last piece falls into place and the wall is sealed so that there's no way out. Sometimes we look at all the problems that build up someone's wall of hopelessness and think there's no way any of the insignificant things we could do would be able to take it all down. But to break the illusion of there being no way out, you don't need to take down the whole wall, you just need to make one crack in it.
Basically, that's what Pink Floyd, The Wall CD is about....just thought that as I read your post.
K D posted - Understanding the difference between entitlement and deservedness... and further understanding that... by nature or by God... we are entitled to nothing... and we deserve even less... we are simply blessed to be on this earth, to begin with... everything else is ours to create...
It's one thing to accept... it's a completely bigger thing, and from which major growth occurs, to surrender...
Stated in Christianity as turning the other cheek...
Stated in Buddhism as flowing with...
What kind of life could we create for ourselves, if we strove to be the best we are all capable of being?
And last from me, finally... living life from an abundant, win / win, altruistic position... and being great leaders, by supporting those around us in their own greatness, is truly a gift that we all can have and share... maybe... is what this life is really all about...
