37 year old virgin!

[lea74]

So had a text back from the coach - in response to something I sent a while ago before posting on DB forum.

Said that he is now seeing someone - felt like a huge kick in the gut. Not sure why as I know he is a player and obviously wasnt interested in me as he has moved onto someone else so quickly but it still feels like rejection - again!!

I am having a real down moment as everyone else seems to have moved on and find someone and I am still on my own. Also not looking forward to the weekend as my sons will be away and I get to spend yet another weekend home alone. Money is really tight for me at the moment (as xH no longer pays child support - long story) so cant go out with friends!

I never thought that I would still be on my own 2 years ofter my xH left me. The fact that xH left me for someone else and I am still on my own makes me feel like maybe he was right - maybe I am meant to be on my own :-(

[kat727]

No that isn't the case. I have been divorced for 3.5 years and am not currently dating. I have been busy raising my kids, getting them back to a fairly good place and myself as well.

You are going to end up in a new relationship that will put your marriage to shame. He will treat you with love and respect. You will feel a security in this relationship that you never knew could exist. Don't rush it. Keep working on you and let it happen.

kat

[SunFunOne]

Sounds like "Feeling sorry for me Friday". Sorry - not allowed today. (just kidding). Seriously - 2 years later is not nearly as long as it may seem to you at the moment. Some people here have moved on to new partners but not most of the people posting so please don't feel that you need to. In fact - I can tell you honestly - you are NOT ready!! You are too vulnerable.

I was in the same place as you at the 2 year mark. I fell hard for someone and thought he was THE ONE! He turned out to be a real jerk and really hurt me. I cried for days! But I learned from it and was more cautious. At the 2.5 year mark I started dating a bit and after a few guys - found Josh and it has worked out wonderfully.

As for being alone. Have you considred taking up a hobby. I did - a few years after Ex left. It has been extremely rewarding. Sometimes I wish I was alone MORE - just so I could work on my hobby. Lots of ideas in places like Michaels or Joannes, Hobby Lobby or online.

Cherish your alone time. Watch good movies. Read books. Research things that interest you online. Keep healing.

You are moving through this and it will take some time. If you then are serious about finding Mr Right - then check out the online sites. Doesn't hurt to look before you decide if you want to sign up.

Cheers! IT's Friday and you have nothing pressing to do. Rejoice in it!

Barb

[antlers]

Some people bounce right into another relationship soon after getting divorced. Some people don't. If you were in a marriage that you really didn't want to end, then I can see it taking a lot more time than in other situations. I think people sometimes beat themselves up over stuff like this. They think that since others have already gotten involved in another relationship, and they haven't...that somehow there's something wrong with that. There's not. It'll happen when it does.

[lea74]

I know I know - I shouldnt be feeling so down. I dont have a right - there are people in far worse situation then.

I guess the idea of yet another weekend all alone just got to me. I also dont think it is just the alone thing. It is all the stresses getting to me as well, especially regarding money. As of last december my xH decided he can no longer pay child support and there is nothing I can do about it. Yet somehow he has just taken my kids on a skiing trip with private ski lessons and then will again in April and another trip abroad in May and a two week holiday to Italy in the summer.(This is all paid for by his new wife) Dont get me wrong I dont begrudge my kids anything - in fact I am really glad that they are able to get to do all these amazing things. It just [censored] that I get to do all th boring stuff e.g. homework, school runs, dentist appointments, hormonal teenagers etc. (My xH lives in switzerland so flies in every 2nd to have my sons for the weekend.) I kinda would also like to do some exciting things with my kids.

I guess the idea of being with someone was exciting and a break from my own routine and something for me that reminded me that I am more than a mom but a woman too!!

Anyway enough of the self pity and time to get of pity horse.

GMom, I took your advice and have arranged to go over to a friends tomorrow nite so no more billy no mates. She is great at putting me right, so can start fresh on monday.

[lea74]

Sunforone I think you are right that maybe I am not ready as yet - I mean I just fool around with a guy for a bit and picture us setting up home and then when he doesn call I almost fall apart :-(. So I think you are right for now I just need to take time.

Baby steps back into the dating game.

[kat727]

The courts can" do anything to make him pay? I realize that things are differnt in the UK but still I would think that they could do something. When you are already in europe it doesn't seem as big a deal for some reason. Now if you were in the States and he was flying over seems very very wrong.

Chin up, even without a guy, life gets so much better. :0

kat

[lea74]

Kat, I wish they could but as he is self employed and is not currently 'working' they actually cant. Also any income he earns outside of the UK doesnt count. Also it would cost a fortune to try it through the courts again - and am still paying off the last solicitors bill.

Unfortunately in the UK, the child support system [censored]. In fact a new bill has just been passed that charges the person who uses our governement child support agency which helps to get child support from an ex. The point is if the ex was actually willing to pay child support we wouldnt have to the CSA, so now those of us who cant get child support and have to use an government intermediary has to pay for it. It is literally takes money from our children and food out of our children's mouth!!

(all these travels are in addition to his own travel to the USA, Dubai and SA recently)

[kat727]

What a jerk! Moves out of the country so that income can't be touched!! Grrr!!

As for things you can do, why not have friends over for a potluck or movie night. Can't be too expensive that way. I don't know about you but I do find myself in the strange predicament that right now I am financially ok but in just about 2 years my 2nd child comes off child support and I will lose alimony a couple of months after that. Even with the job I have and the odds are that all 4 kids will still be at home, all of a sudden, I may not be able to make ends meet. I am trying to figure out a way to not go from the frying pan to the fire keeping the same type of job I have as it is a job. Thank goodness I have time to think!

Thinking of you. kat

[lea74]

Hi Kat, well his new W is working in Switzerland so they commute between the two countries. I am looking into do some additional work to make ends meet. It is not easy but I will make a plan.

I hope you are able to make a plan before your support ends.