And I can tell you that your fear of becoming one (and it's an appropriate fear) is creating some understandable behaviours.
You might be D, but you need to be very wary of attaching yourself to anyone due to your lonliness and fear. Especially a M woman. Please do back far away from that one, you are either entering or risk entering an EA with her.
Have you had a chance to visit with your doctor regarding anti depressants? It would be more appropriate than using self medication. It does not have to be and likely wouldn't be permanent. Just work with your doctor to see what your options are.
Take a good look at what you do to keep your mind off the sitch. Do much more of that. Also, to the best of your ability, take some time now and then to really consider what you want from your life. I mean that doesn't necessarily have to do with companionship.
When it comes to companionship, it might be worth looking at developing a few female friends who are really... JUST FRIENDS. I've found myself hanging out with some woman who are (not that this matters, but it is a valid boundary for me) 10 or more years older than myself and primarily D. Just hanging around with them and shooting the breeze helps me get that female influence in my life while I move forward.
Get yourself out of the funk, my friend.
Do you have some single, guy friends (within a reasonable age or maturity level) that you could do an "aggie tour" with? Like heading to Mexico or Puerto Rico or something this winter?
Maybe solitude? Build yourself a canoe or an ultralight or a project car?
I hope some of my old friends will see this and reply. It will soon be a year since XW moved out and six months since the divorce was final. I continue with therapy and meds. I wonder some days if its working. I met a woman at the lake the end of August. She is everything that my wife was not. She is also divorced. Her husband cheated on her many times. She lives two hundred miles away which makes it alittle hard. When Im with her things are good. I can be happy. Its all the time I spend alone that is the most difficult. I guess the reason that Im posting is that last night I found out that my XW and my former best friend had a date Saturday night. They have both been lying about theyre relationship for years. I am very hurt and angry. I still have feelings for my X and I dont know why. I want to confront her. Why couldnt she just have been honest about all of this all along? I never had closure.How can someone who supposedly loved me for all those years be so heartless and why cant I shake her out of my thoughs?
Hi ndfarmer. Sorry that you are feeling down. Look up to the post right above yours from August and a lot of your answers are right there.
It is a shame yes. How long do you want to allow that to overtake your thoughts and rob you of happiness that is yours to achieve?
As long as your happiness has to come from someone else, you'll be stuck.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Thank you for your reply adinva.I just woke up from a few hours sleep. I am shaky and feel like throwing up. She promised she would never date him. And I believed her.I want to be happy. I dont want to feel this way. The feeling of betrayal is unbearable. And your probably are right, im stuck.
Farmer...I am sorry you are going through this. I know the "waking up shaking" feeling all to well unfortunately. My marriage now is failing since I am dealing with a WAH. He did not cheat that I know of, however, in 1998 I was engaged to what I thought was the perfect man. In my mind he would have never cheated. It ended up that he did. His family knew of this which made it harder...then he went on to marry her a year later. We were together on and off 8 years. We had broken up once during college and reconciled once we "sowed our oats". My point is that I ended up taking YEARS to get over him. I felt I lost my life since we had just bought my dream house together; I couldn't afford it so I was the one who left. I am hoping you don't spend the amount of time I did in getting over this. You will never fully get over it since the cheating part scars everyone. The lying that it is with a friend scars even more. You will love again. Just get out there and make it happen. Even if you have to join a dating site. That is what I did and even though I compared everyone to my ex-fiance, it still pushed me along and I ended up falling in love again...eventually. I am not an expert but if you are still depressed then your ADs are not working. You may consider something else or upping you dosage. My heart and thoughts are with you.
Me: 40 H: 44 M:3 years T: 4 years Me: S9, D7 H: SS8; Twins: SD1=10 and SD2=10 Both married before.
Thank you asadgirl, i found much comfort in your words. I too believe it will take me years. I dont know if it will ever be completely over. I also have the broken dreams. Our second son will marry this July, and our first son and his wife will give us our first grandchild in 7 months. I had dreamed of us going through these blessed events together. That is shattered now. Now he will be there. It will not be fun. But it is what it is. Does anyone win in divorce?
