Kimmerz, Many of the posters are on the "alt". You can exchange information there. Cadet may be able to direct you to the proper "alt" area.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What you have to do is search for Divorce Busting on the alt, then become a friend of Divorce Busting. That is the common denominator of people from here. Some use the same names that they use to post, other use their real names.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
My H is driving me crazy. He has contacted me again about refinancing the house. Last Friday he told me that it didn't make sense to continue because of the savings vs the costs incurred. He asked that I look into how quickly I would be able to refinance on my own since he wants his name off the loan ASAP. The next day he sent an email asking me to fax insurance information to the lender so we could finalize the new loan. I ignored his request. Today he has found another lender and thinks that we should go with them. What the heck is going on? He's obsessed! I'm trying to figure out how he gains in this situation. He has to pay me support no matter what. The amount of our mortgage doesn't change that. I'm having a really hard time considering that he might be doing this to help me. It just doesn't fit with this whole scenario. I just replied that I need to know the upfront costs and what the new payment will be. I also said that whatever is decided must be in my best interest. Last, I let him know that I have blocked him (I have blocked him on my phone and his personal email address. He can only send emails from work which keeps contact limited) because I didn't like how our contact has gone. I will not be called names, etc. (he was frustrated with me because I was asking for clarification regarding the house - went as far as to call me crazy and a lier). I stated that I am a genuine, kind person and I was seeking clarification regarding a very important financial decision. I will not allow him to continue spewing at me or use me as a sounding board for his frustration. I have a pretty strong sense of who I am and I will no longer doubt myself because of what his skewed view of me is.
Yes GM you did very well. You made yourself very clear and it was concise.
I don't quite get what his deal is with the house either. You H and is obsession with the refinancing on the house sounds like my Xh and his obesession with reporting to me every day about how much he got moved out of the house and what he planned to do next. LIKE I REALLY CARED OR NEEDED TO KNOW?
Gm I don't know why they do this when they leave, I just don't know why. Can you just let your attorney handle this from here on out, or do you have to speak to him in regards to all this business? You know I think you should just alert your attorney about all of this and see what she says. Im not comfortable in how he's being so pushy and in such a rush about this.
Im going to see if I can't figure out this "Alt" business. Maybe we can find eachother on there and ex change some info.
Take care, GM, you're doing well. You're dignified and coming across calm, cool and collective....even though you feel like hell! Don't ever let them see ya sweat!
golf mom, Your h is trying to do the exact same thing that mine did. They want their names off of every bill that comes to your home because they think in their minds that they are divorced from you already. It's their way of cutting ties one by one.
What I did was told my xh that I wasn't refinancing the home until we were divorced. I stipulated that I would refinance the home within 90 days of my divorce and would pay him a certain amount from the equity of the home. The amount that I paid him was approixmately 1/3 of the equity and quite frankly, when he told me that was what he wanted, he screwed himself over royally.
Do not allow this man to push you into something you are not ready to do. You are still married and as far as I am concerned, so is he. Speak to your lawyer, but ask about having the refinancing done as part of your divorce package. There is absolutely no need to do it now unless it is in your favor. I do not think that your h is doing this to help you out. Mlcers are only out to help themselves and would not help us out even if we were standing on the street corner int he rain with a tin cup begging for change. I suspect he wants to get another place and as long as his name is on your mortgage, it may raise questions about his application for another place.
Golf mom, do not allow him to rush you into anything!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Here's the strange part, kimmerz and snodderly. Yes, he originally wanted his name off the mortgage because he anticipates being in a position to buy a condo in the next year (I told him if that's the case then he's hiding money and I'm entitled to a percentage of it.) He now knows that we can both remain on the current loan after our D and as part of the settlement it can be stated that he no longer has any financial or other liability with respect to the house. Also, he does not want any equity out of the house. He said he will sign everything over to me. I just can't figure out how he gains anything. Is this guilt? I haven't spent too much energy on this, but after reading a little bit of "Men are like Waffles..." I'm wondering if he is focusing on one of the squares of his "waffle" that makes him feel good about himself. Seriously, I learned a lot about the way men compartmentalize just by reading the first chapter. I wish I had read this book years ago. Anyway, I remain perplexed and in the need of space and distance from all the craziness.
The craziness is what makes this so much fun. The good part is you are in control of your own destiny. Don’t get in any hurry to agree to anything and run every option through your lawyer. My lawyer was awesome, I was devastated in the beginning and wanted to give it all away. My lawyer was the calm, cool one that looked out for me in the long run. So be patient and keep those boundaries. You are doing great!
Nobody ever wins in these situations so play the game and protect yourself.
Take care.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
