Thanks, labug! 15 months is a long time. We just have focus on the positive parts. The good parts are better than they ever have been and they would have never happened if it hadn't been for the crap.
Last night I enjoyed my S. We just did a hodge podge of things together.
Today was the day I chose this week to smuggle in Chipotle to his school for lunch. I went to recess today and just hung out with the kids. Heck, I even ran to the line when it was time to line up to go inside.
The GAL'ing activity tonight was a group bike ride with the local bike shop. It was beautiful evening here with crystal clear skies and temperatures around 72 degrees. We rode downtown tonight and challenged some hills on the East side of the city. We came home along the river. It was 33 miles round trip. We had 27 riders in my group tonight.
I haven't seen or communicated with my W since Tuesday.
I talked to and saw my W tonight. Nothing too earth shattering. My W called me on the way home. She ambushed me with a favor request when she asked me if I had my Tuesday night group at church and I told her it was cancelled. She asked if I would take my S to a restaurant where she was meeting a friend. I agreed to do it because it's only a 5-10 minute drive from my house and frankly, I was caught off guard by the request. We proceeded to talk on the phone for another 20 minutes. I filled her in on the summer camps I've enrolled my S in. Another reasonably benign conversation, nothing earth shattering.
It's now been 4 weeks since our big convo, but I'm not pressuring her for any direction right now. She also hasn't brought up the D since then, either.
It was a pretty busy weekend. I had my S this weekend.
Friday night, we rode bikes and went and got dinner, and then rode and got ice cream.
Saturday morning I had a Men's breakfast at my church. Saturday afternoon was spent in the yard. I bribed my S to help out. I was SO proud of him! He was a big help. I went for a 3 mile run after we knocked off for the day. My S and I then went out for a late night dinner.
Sunday was church. I was serving on the greeting crew so I had fun greeting people with a smile and saying hello to my friends. In the afternoon, I took my S to an open house for a camp I was considering sending him to this summer. It's a Christian camp and it's overnight for 5 nights. He was less than enthusiastic when we rolled up. The open house was from 3-7, and we got there a little before 4. We were there until 7. My S had a good time after all. He did some solo kayaking, some inflatables and played some games. Heck, I even bounced down the 2 story inflatable slide myself. Ended up signing him for camp.
Monday night was softball. Unfortunately, the lightening detectors went off and the game was called in the third inning. My S and I went home and had fun though.
Tonight, since I didn't have my Tuesday night group, I worked out in the yard until sunset. I followed up with a 3 mile run and a 8.6 mile bike ride.
My W finally brought up the financial documentation this morning. We had a short conversation similar to the below:
W: Have you been able to make copies of that stuff yet? jb: No I have not. TBH, I wasn't sure exactly where you stood. You should know where I stand now. W: (looking away) I just want to get this over with. jb: I thought we had a pretty good conversation the other night, probably one of the best we've ever had. Maybe I just think that because I talked a lot (LOL) W: I agree. It was a good conversation. I just don't see any changes coming up. jb: So do you mean you don't think you're going to make changes in yourself. (this was a reference back to the previous conversation) W: I don't see making any changes right now in myself. I don't see myself moving back. jb: OK W: I just want to get this over with. I had a great morning with S. We can talk later. jb: All right then.
This is still pretty fresh, so I am trying to process where I'm at with this. I am praying about my next steps right now. I am kind of feeling another conversation may be in order?
I came away from that feeling like she was very conflicted.
maybe i'm missing something but that doesn't sound conflicted to me. why are you making copies? if she wants it to "get this over with", let her get it over with on her own.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I'm not sure if you're looking for advice so forgive me if you're just venting and feel free to ignore, but...
She is conflicted because she knows you're still waiting.
We are told to detach here on DB over and over. But truly, it's not an easy concept to grasp. Some people look at it as giving up. Some people think of it as manipulating the WAS and trying to trick them back into the marriage.
Detaching is not easy to do because it's hard not to let the people we love affect us so deeply. I get that. We're told to detach but it's hard to really do. So much harder than just typing the words "detach".
But it's key. Fake it before you make it, I think was the key for me.
Instinctively, I knew I had to detach from the outcome if I was going to be okay.
In many of our conversations about our sitch, my WAS has both directly and indirectly made it very clear that when he 'knew" he could lose me. Not just thought about it as a possibility but actually could feel me "leaving" in mind and spirit is exactly when he started coming back in mind and spirit.
Your wife knows you're still standing and that's amazing and powerful and strong and says so much about you as a man and a father. But she's a WAS right now and she doesn't see that as clearly as the rest of us can.
Let her go, jb. Don't remind her of good conversations or things she said. When you stop reminding her, trust me, she will remember the good things.
I recall reading that sometimes one spouse will overfuction in a marriage and that allows the other to underfunction. It clicked for me.
I'm in piecing and it's still really easy for me to take on the role of the "fixer" but I realize that for us to truly heal as a couple, my H needs to own his role and fix his own issues. Make sense?
My buddy JB. Endevour makes some painfully good points. Give her the paper work let her do as she will. You know my stich and you know I'm holding on for dear God. I'm still in the fog and as Cat04 said "head in the dear light".
Read what she wrote to you over and over. I think Sandi had a great analogy about dropping the rope. I will look it it up for u. And me.
You are as stubborn as I am maybe that's why I like u so much my bro. Lol
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
I went for a 3 mile run after we knocked off for the day. My S and I then went out for a late night dinner.
Ended up signing him for camp. 
