He has always been 'troubled' as his mother passed away with agressive cancer when he was 14.
I always knew there was so much buried within him about that.
He left and started EA weeks after his father passed away.
Our problems had already begun ( well..I mean he had already started questioning our M...and he had already been 'talking' with another woman intimately) and his unhappiness had already set in, but his father's death made him bolt.
He bought a boat....among other things that point to MLC.
Anyway, it's a lot to think about.
Hope you are all well.
Busting out
But the DBing remains the same.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I wish we could sit together in my kitchen, have a drink and talk!
Me too! It is amazing how close I feel to you and others on this site. I am so appreciative of you, Bustingout. And to have this connection halfway around the world is amazing, isn't it?
Your words may made my day today...thank you ((( )))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Tomorrow me and the kids leave to Dubai to start summer holidays. h is meeting us there in two days.
It will be the first time me or the kids have seen him in close to ten weeks.
I am repeating in my head the words and body language I am to use when we first see him.
I will aim to treat him like a colleague ( not yet ready for friend and also I do think he would perceive it as pursuing...I think he thinks I may be thinking that him joining us somehow means it is a family holiday-- I am looking at it as him coming to see his kids on mine and the kids' holiday).
So polite, friendly but no hugs no kisses. And a simple 'welcome, good you could make it'. I think I will then will slip away ( kids will be all over him anyway), and go get a mani/ pedi or something.
I am going to go about our activities with or with out him. I have no expectations of him even staying in the same hotel as us.
I think if I can do this- while maintaining a sense of friendliness but control, I will have made a solidnstep in moving forward with myself. And I need to keep the thoughts out of my head ( what will he think? - I don't care). I have to remember I shouldn't care what he thinks ( ok--- let me vent it here. I think he will think I am either being a major bi#%* OR pretending to be control and upbeat just to throw him for a loop, OR that I am manipulating him).
I am trying to use some anger to keep me focused ( probably not very healthy) as well as that its my time now. My time to figurenout how i want to be.
Will remember kind eyes and that he is probably suffering too and even though he thinks he has it all figured out, is probably more lost than ever.
I am finding my way with or without him.
God help me.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
He has so much distrust in me. I know it's his own guilt being projected.
I am just remembering the times he has told me I am playing him ( march 2011: me- ' is OW really in the same town as you working??' H - ' yes and you have known the whole time so stop playing me!' me- ' uhhh no, i did not know-- i heard rumors and now i am asking. And how could i be playing you anyway??'
or that he accused me of spreding gossiping about him and OW ( Oct 2011: H to me via text- please stop talking to your work colleagues about my extramarital affairs....blah blah... my response- it's not me. In fact I am so mortified that you are behaving this way I actually wouldn't want anyone to know)
Anyway I am remembering these things to keep me focused and to know that I have a very long road ahead of me to get him to trust me ( too ironic!)
Gotta go pack
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
How do I know if I should post on MLC? The more i read about it, the more i think it applies to my H.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H has been with OW for a very long time I found out tonight. He has been lying to friends and family.
I guess I always knew how LNG it has been but put my head on the sand.
I was told tonight ' she has his hear' so basically I have nothing.
This is a good reality check since I am seeing him in two days. I am more convinced to keep my plan of being distant yet friendly. I hope this is the DB way.
I don't want to let my thoughts go into the awfulness of imagining him and her. Am going to glide over that and think of the bigger picture....me and the kids. My growth and development. My time my space. For my family. For me. For my kids.if he decides to come along its his choice.
She went with him to have his back surgery. He left us to be with her. He has detached himself from his kids, his family, his friends, his life, his work. For her.
Its not my problem.
My concern is something else.
Am so nervous.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
H has been with OW for a very long time I found out tonight. He has been lying to friends and family.
I guess I always knew how LNG it has been but put my head on the sand.
I was told tonight ' she has his hear' so basically I have nothing.
This is a good reality check since I am seeing him in two days. I am more convinced to keep my plan of being distant yet friendly. I hope this is the DB way.
I don't want to let my thoughts go into the awfulness of imagining him and her. Am going to glide over that and think of the bigger picture....me and the kids. My growth and development. My time my space. For my family. For me. For my kids.if he decides to come along its his choice.
She went with him to have his back surgery. He left us to be with her. He has detached himself from his kids, his family, his friends, his life, his work. For her.
Its not my problem.
My concern is something else.
Am so nervous.
Busting, I am so sorry that you have found out some more gut-wrenching details of your H's activities. I am at the same place this weekend. My head has been firmly planted in the sand.
The lies to friends and family are also hard to fathom. (1) how could our h's do this so bald-facedly for so long?, and (2) how could friends and family believe them? - when we knew what was going on, but no-one else seemed to be able to believe it.
Your plan of 'distant yet friendly' seems to be the perfect solution for your trip with the kids.
On feeling nervous - I was advised by a very wise woman on this site (who has now reconciled) to: TAKE BACK YOUR POWER. Your nerves are a good sign that you are about to do something new and different that will empower you.
Like my H, yours has detached from his kids, his family, his life, his work to be with this woman. Let him find out, fully and completely, what this will mean for the rest of his life.
NLW (((( ))) thank you. I do need to take back my power. Am just so overwhelmed At times that THIS IS REALITY.
That my M is become such a topic of conversation among people I don't even know.
That people know of my comings and goings and when I am going to see my H before i even know it ( OW talks a lot it seems). That OW knows more about my H than I do.
But I know I have to rise above it. And for some reason this is my path. For some reason this is what I am meant to be doing. So I have to stop fighting it. Give in and do what i need to do for me. TAKE BACK POWER. I hope I can do it.
Let go.
Thank you again.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I don't care if I am on the other side of the world, I will be thinking of you over the next few days that I know will be tough. But reading the last few days, you really do seem to have the strength to get through this. Remember that although we can't be with you, all of us following your journey send our love and best wishes, and hope it gives you strength.
Good luck!
M 53, W 48 T 25, M 18 S 15, D 11 "I'me done!" 6/13/2010 Exit started 8/21/2011 ILYBNILWY W consults with L 9/2011, no papers filed Separated 1/16/2012
