Today I helped her arranging her flat. Then she invited me having diner together and she pied the bill. In the evening we arrived at their house. I helped her unloading some baggage and we later we talked. She hardly could stop talking about the OM. They tried reconcile several time and they didn't succeed. I was very open and expressed my opinion on every aspect of their relations. Anyway, we ended up scheduling our tasks for Saturday. She asked me to take measures of her living room in order to plan the wiring of the audio system, and to accompany her while choosing furniture. When I got home I received a call from her asking me whether I had arrived and to keep my phone near me in case something happened while she is alone.
It is deja vu. The same happening over and over again. when the OM call her again she will go away and end up in a similar manner. Who knows, I might be wrong.
I want you to think about that, really think about what you are doing and what your expectations are.
I haven't read your full story but the last 10 posts or so don't feel good. She is seeing this other guy, talking about this other guy to you, you are listening to her, she is asking you to keep your phone on for her, to help her move, to fix and clean stuff for her. 3 months ago she was in Paris, told you she was in love with the other guy and needed a "real man".
None of this sounds healthy, none of this sounds good for you, her, or your daughter.
Why are you there for her at every whim when she has told you she loves another guy and that she needs a "real man". Do you not consider yourself a real man?
I think you need to be shaken a bit.
I am not trying to deter you from the potential of reconciliation - but this is not the way to do it. If you get her back this way, "this" way, are you considering how it will reflect on you later? How she may view you later? More importantly how you may view yourself?
All the things going on independent of each other doesn't seem so bad. But putting it all together, it just doesn't feel right. It feels like you are taking whatever she will give and she knows that.
Hey 4311. I am there to help her and should always be there. She is the girl who chose me for the father of our child. As you might know I am her first love and shr also is my first beloved. Her brother is very good friend of mine. I owe them my help and loyality. I realize that even if we reconcile it will not last long. That doesnt matter. Love is loyality :-) My goal is not recon at all cost. It is more or less redemption.
Hey 4311. I am there to help her and should always be there. She is the girl who chose me for the father of our child. As you might know I am her first love and shr also is my first beloved. Her brother is very good friend of mine. I owe them my help and loyality. I realize that even if we reconcile it will not last long. That doesnt matter. Love is loyality :-) My goal is not recon at all cost. It is more or less redemption.
For redemption you must first hold yourself mentally and emotionally responsible AND accountable for whatever it is you did. Second, for redemption, once must ask for forgiveness. Who you ask for forgiveness from can be a number of people and/or beings.
Once these things are done the responsibilities that remain are to your child and any formal agreements you had with your ex.
You can fulfill all of those things without disrespecting yourself. Making up for the things you did does not require you to bring yourself down, it requires you to bring the both of you up. It does not require you to be lowered by doing anything and everything whenever she wants at any whim, it requires both of you to rise to respecting each other. You being at her whim is not respectful yourself, her expecting you to be at her whim is not her respecting you.
It's all about balance. To simplify it look at it like this - lets say during your relationship you never did the laundry. To redeem yourself of this you would not take on the full responsibility of doing the laundry all by yourself for the rest of your relationship - you would agree that it is a dual responsibility and from that point on you would share that responsibility. Do you see the difference?
It is funny that today my ex and I hung out the laundry together. The wash-line wasn't very well constructed so I had to fix it
I also delivered 4 chairs for her kitchen and put them together. Tomorrow the living room will be ready and she asked me to set and connect the TV and audio systems.
As for my redemption, I assumed that everything is forgiven by all sides. Today her mother had a special event and invited us to have dinner together. So I hope she had forgiven me that I disappointed her daughter.
I think that I do not bring myself down. She could pay to anyone for doing the work. But she prefer me being around her. Moreover she works lots more, she took days off in order to succeed in time. My contribution is very small part. It is just to show me that I am needed. Every time when I help her for something small she expresses her thankfulness.
Thank you for your interest and advises. I would appreciate any further comments.
It is interesting to know that all this is happening when there are two beautiful women who I like very much and if I try I could go out with each of them. It might be a test.
About the OM my ex told me that the affair is over. She has no expectation by him nor sexual desires. About the expression "real man" it was my interpretation of her words. I think she never has used them.
