Thread #8 - It's time.

[Denver_2010]

GB/Denver:

I agree completely...the only thing making me want to go at this point is that my kids think I am going and they will be upset if I don't....I also don't want to lie to them and give some BS excuse for why I'm not going.

So I'm weighing that against all the very good reasons not to go. Tough one.

Tough position Navy. But at some point, you are going to have to be upfront and honest with your kids about the reality of the situation. No better time than the present IMO.

[Harrier]

GB/Denver:

I agree completely...the only thing making me want to go at this point is that my kids think I am going and they will be upset if I don't....I also don't want to lie to them and give some BS excuse for why I'm not going.

So I'm weighing that against all the very good reasons not to go. Tough one.

Tough position Navy. But at some point, you are going to have to be upfront and honest with your kids about the reality of the situation. No better time than the present IMO.

his kids are 6 and 4 dude. I would say he can be "honest" with them to a point but there are things they won't understand.

[Denver_2010]

No question Harrier. But what? Is suppose to continue to go to family reunions for the next 5-10 years until they are old enough to understand??

I'm not saying that it's not a tough situation, but come on...

[greenblue90]

Don't have kids so can't speak that angle, but i agree with Denver.

[OneLessWife]

Navy how is it going buddy?

[25yearsmlc]

Navy,

just checking in to see how you are. Don't know if your vacation has come up but as you "Paid for it' you know, you could still do some fun things w/your own family of origin, or friends, while they are gone, IF that's the route.

My question is whether there is another reason you wanted to go. Like to give your side of things to her family?

To possibly pressure them? Just curious if you did a "motive check" there.

I believe your concerns about your kids, but wondered about any other possibilities.

Take care and keep us posted. We care.

[OneLessWife]

Navy where are you , give us an update...

[AnotherStander]

Then W said she wants me to be happy...and she still wants us to be friends and be able to talk to each other and be there for each other. But that she just doesn't want the M anymore. She told me that what happened in the past is in the past, but that she can't get over it, and that her feelings for me have not changed at all since she was first "done" in her mind, despite all the changes I have made.

Deja' vu!! That is practically word-for-word what my W told me as well. Wants me to be happy, wants to be best friends, but can't get over what happened in the past (but can't really verbalize what that is) is done with the M and doesn't want to "try" even though she says I've done 180's on every complaint she had.

I think you're jumping the gun when you say the M is over at S though. Lots of reconciliations don't happen until an S occurs. The WAS wants time and space and most of the time they just can't get it when they're under the same roof as the LBS. I validated W when she said she wanted the S even though it's the last thing I wanted. I looked at it as a needed step to a possible future reconciliation. And what I've found is it's been a lot easier for me to detach now that she's out. Hopefully you'll find it's a healthy step for both of you.

[Navyguy]

Hey everyone! Just stopping by to say hello. Sorry it's been so long. I've been thinking about you all, but for some reason that is hard to explain, I needed to take a break from the boards.

The trip to Tennessee went well. W's family still doesn't know what's going on. We all had a good time.

I'm doing ok. W and I are still under the same roof, but getting closer to a separation. Since my last post, W got a job and started working. We hired a nanny to watch the kids before and after school. W and I haven't talked about it much lately, but I think the plan is for her to save up enough money to move out and then do so. It is inevitable at this point, and honestly I am looking forward to it.

We are still amicable, but I have really been keeping my distance from her. Her behavior hasn't changed one bit. We haven't had a "talk" in probably 6-8 weeks. She is still sitting alone on the deck and drinking and smoking every night. She's still drinking a lot. I have stopped going out there and hanging out with her. I was thinking that she might change once she started working, but it hasn't.

Pretty sure she's still messaging "OM" on a daily basis...but has not seen him as far as I know.

W comes home and spends about an hour telling me about her day at work. All the gory details. I listen to her...but I am constantly wondering why she is telling me all that.

I am ready to get on with my life...and right now it feels like she's an anchor that's keeping me stuck. I am pretty sure that I'm going to have to be the one to do the dirty work here (i.e. start separation-related discussions).

I've mostly been using this time to emotionally heal from this mess. I think the last 2 years have been rough, but I should have a relatively short recovery time once she's out the door.

I took the kids to OBX last weekend, and we had a great time.

All in all, things are getting better. W is still miserable to be around...but that's her problem now, not ours.

Hope everyone is doing well!

[Denver_2010]

You sound well Navy. Never know what the future holds for us. I think that you are going down the right path for YOU, for now.

Completely understand taking a break from the boards. I did the same thing at a couple of different points.

Hang in there.

Denver