So a few months ago my horoscope said something about a series of eclipses (or whatever) would mean that in a year I wouldn't even recognise who I'd become and I have to say it's starting to happen.
My life is getting pretty freakin amazing and the way I approach it has also become freakin amazing. I can remember a time when I would have thought coming home from a business trip and not having H there to have the house cleaned would have seemed so lonely. Not now...I didn't even think of that except to think how much had changed hours later. When I got home, I immediately cleaned the house, unpacked, did the laundry, went for a two mile run, and made a home cooked curry. And somewhere in that I thought my thinking sure has shifted! I wouldn't have recognised this girl.
When I went for my run I thought about how much I love where I live, I love the scenery, I love my surroundings, I couldn't wait to round that corner and see my favourite field (which was the scene of the bomb drop!) I took a new route and loved every minute of it. This is not the same girl who in late summer would think the light so pretty I wish is was like this more often, but the Old Brit spent time indoors and didn't enjoy the world around her.
I've noticed it a few times this week in terms of how I deal with relationships. One of my friends met a guy and was gushing about him. I questioned whether she liked him or all the attention and was she worried it was moving too fast and that I'd be worried about the emotional health of anyone who said after 3 weeks I think we'll be together forever. Another friend asked me about Mr Strawberry and everything that she was saying I was realising this is strange because in the past I would have analysed EVERY SINGLE THING and now I'm not.
Mr Strawberry came to see me on Thursday. He went off and did his own thing he's really active and sporty. And then he met up with me and my coworkers and we pretty much all spent the day and evening together. He'd booked a hotel next door to mine. And everything was easy and natural and fun. I didn't have to babysit, he got along with everyone. He's chatty but not over the top. He's complimentary but not too charming. We just had fun. Today I invited him to be my date to my friends wedding in a fortnight. I was a little bit nervous because a man could see that as being "too serious" He was really excited about it.
In my new No plans No Expectations mindset...he asked me did you think I'd come visit you again? And I said yeah...and he laughed and I said I don't know I thought you might. And I realised I hadn't had any expectations I'd hoped he would..I guess..but I didn't really obsess about will he come see me, what does it mean if he does or if he doesn't, does he like me etc. I love feeling like this.
So I feel good. As far as my sitch...I have some decisions to make about filing and he and I need to discuss some things. But I've learned that I'm only responsible for myself and I'm not responsible for the decisions he makes in the face of me filing (because he won't) I don't have any regret in my decision to move on and so after reading KD's chat on Moving On/Moving Forward/Standing I'm happy and proud of my choice now.
I think my next thread will be in the Surviving the Big D but for 100 more posts I'm hanging in the newbies!
....one more how my thinking's shifted moment today.
I got home and after living in a hotel with 3 suitcases for awhile I realised that I probably have WAY more stuff than I actually need I started thinking of having a clear out and as I was looking in cupboards and drawers and cabinets I thought about how much of this stuff I tried to hang onto when H left. I was really adament that he not "take all my stuff" and I was almost filled with anxiety that he'd be living this shiny life with all the best stuff we'd collected over the years and today I thought why on earth was I worried about him taking the souviner beach towel from X holiday?
So I texted him and said I'm having a clear out is there anything you can think of that you'd like? He said not off the top of my head but I can come over later this week if you like. I took a page from BUSTING and said "no it's fine, once I've gotten stuff together I'll let you know what's in there and you can have first pick" not on his schedule, not jumping at any chance for him to come by, not going to fill him in on my life like a puppy dog wanting approval. and I'm NOT attached to these things or worried which one of us has them.
AWESOME is it funny that part of me was kind of kicking the dirt going but I don't want to be the only one...I don't know those kids! Glad you're moving on with me!
love your post today Brit and how you are enjoying the moments, not worried about what will come with Mr. Strawberry, just living your life. Awesome! Your post made me realize that I felt the same way today, an amazing bicycle ride along a beach that is new to me, swimming, hanging out with a sweet friend and loving my life today. I think our sitches are our Zen masters...... and have taught us so much more than we ever imagined..
have a great rest of the weekend, will we see you singing at the closing ceremonies???
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Hi Brit...I think you need to change your thread to ' no plans, no expectations, not timeline, I am kicking A$$!'
Hope you are having a good weekend ((()))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Grace you are so right they do teach us. I read where a newbie wrote is DB for me and I thought I can't tell you what you will gain from working on yourself. no one can really explain it, but it's worth every single second you spend learning a new way to deal with your S, learning how to deal with yourself, taking the time to work on you instead of doing what 90% of people who get divorced do: stay bitter, rebound, or stay hurt. Really happy to hear that you're enjoying your day and your life.
Monday's Cainer cast: Great surfers love big waves. They get excited when they know these are coming in towards the shore - they go racing down to the beach so they can swim out with their boards, catch those crests and let them carry them aloft. They might have a very different experience if they just stood at the edge of the water, waiting for the tide. Then, they would just end up being soaked. The breakers are heading your way now. Don't just stand there wondering what to do. Find a way to let them take you where they are going.
This made me smile...I remember all of our talk about emotions being like waves and not bracing for them and now it's saying to get excited about waves they're taking you to great places. I am excited as Vera would say ONWARD!
I remember all of our talk about emotions being like waves and not bracing for them and now it's saying to get excited about waves they're taking you to great places. I am excited as Vera would say ONWARD!
What a great next step.. to go from bracing against them...to letting them pass through us...to surfing them and letting them take us for a ride!
Enjoy the ride Brit!!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
