Floating...

[needgrace]

Journal

A new thread hopefully equals a fresh start.

I have been struggling the last few days.. I feel almost back at BD time and I do not understand why.. I am having trouble eating and sleeping, feel dazed and feel that stomach pit... ugh!

I wanted to contact W worse than ever...but I didn't.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Part of it was probably seeing W and knowing she is in town... part of it was being stuck home all weekend watching my dog after his surgery.. part of it was that all of my friends were busy doing other things...

I hope that this is signalling the next growth step... I am trying to lean into it but it is so hard to when it feels so uncomfortable.

[bustingout]

yes.

i have felt it.

i relate to it.

i know it.

i wanted to reach out to H desperately.

i wanted this madness to end. i felt weak and vulnerable and so hurt...once again....

however, this time i have you. this time i have this place.

and instead of months...it lasted a day. because of you. because of this place.

i found my grounding again, could feel my feet on the ground again. a little shaky..but there.

we have learned. ar learning. we have grown. are growing.

let what you are feeling go through you, it will pass, and you will be stronger.

i love you NG.

and always here for you.....

i have a shot for you ...chilled vodka tonight....

lets have a shot and look up onto the stars.....

(((((((((( ))))))))))

[Brit45]

yes yes yes yes I completely agree with you about it having to do with being home all weekend and your friends being busy.

sometimes I'd have to push myself but getting out (with the dog) on my own made me feel better. I know the doggie is healing. So watch comedies and do anything to keep your mind busy.

Sometimes the strangest things shake you and then it's a cycle you think about it and then you're upset at yourself for thinking about it or feeling that way so of course you do more of it. My dear wise friend Grace told me to treat it like a wave don't brace feel it let it flow. So I journal and meditate and think I may be feeling this right now but it will pass and I'm proud of how I'm acting or acted in front of him.

It will pass you'll feel better and then it will be easier.
hugs!!!

[labug]

Grace, I had a very similar weekend.

(((ng))), hope today is better and you feel stronger.

[zig]

sweet grace - i'm sorry i was not here - but i have been here...

it's okay - we are all doing that i think form time to time. i know for some of us it is different because we have contact everyday - but deep down you are feeing that here's your chance and what if you miss it, right?

your chance is there all the time, whether w is around or not. because the chance is for YOU - regardless of where she's at

remember what cadet tells us all at the beginning in his welcome post? use this time wisely.

how could you use this time sweet grace? would you use it up thinking about her and feeling terrible, or could you use it to think about you and your life and all the things that make YOU happy

if you are going to think about her right now, try this out:

when you think about her, only allow yourself to imagine how you would like her to be, not as she is right now. this comes from law of attraction stuff.

and then appreciate her for where she's at - a different form of tonglen, one could say. appreciate and think and understand why she may be doing what she is doing and then go back to imagining how you would like her to be.

it will help you to detach a bit, and to let go of your own pain.

come sit on the blanket with us, sweet grace and we will remind you of how far you have come and how well you are doing and that this little hiccup is only just that in the big picture.

oh and then we'll all visualize together how you won't be feeling this way any moment now:) and how it haas passed, which we all know, it surely does

(((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))
zig

[vera be fierce]

Yep, that's happened to me, too. ((( )))

[needgrace]

thanks everyone for the encouragement and support. i do not know what i would do without each of you.

i am back on the blanket feeling better, calmer, more centered, still a bit sad, but it feels more like gentle rolling waves than the gigantic waves i faced this weekend.

yes, brit, i think not getting out was a big part of it.. a friend came over for shopping and movie night yesterday and that felt really good.. and i have the complete dvd of ab fab, and that always makes me laugh

and bug, i have been following your thread and think we were in the same place... so much junk comes up sometimes, and it is hard to scavenger through it and see what is real and what is not.. i have IC today which should help.

zig, i think subconsciously i was focused on her visit as an opportunity... and it was an opportunity for me to be the best me... but i guess i had hoped for more... from her. ..those pesky expectations. you are right, i need to focus on what makes me happy. i love the visualization idea and will try it. thank you.

thanks for the hugs, vera... i think you are doing amazingly well navigating the settlement w/ your H. you are one strong lady.

busting, you are right.. we have each other to help us get through it. i know that without this place i would have reached out to her.. the support on here helped me get through it without doing anything i would regret later.

thank you dear dear friends. i am back on the blanket, ready to laugh and dance with all of you.

[needgrace]

Good morning sweet friends,

I subscribe to a weekly email from Pema Chodron and wanted to share today's with all of you:

"Sharing the heart is a simple practice that can be used at any time and in every situation. It enlarges our view and helps us remember our interconnection.

The essence of this practice is that when we encounter pain in our life we breathe into our heart with the recognition that others also feel this. It’s a way of acknowledging when we are closing down and of training to open up. When we encounter any pleasure or tenderness in our life, we cherish that and rejoice. Then we make the wish that others could also experience this delight or this relief.

In a nutshell, when life is pleasant, think of others. When life is a burden, think of others. If this is the only training we ever remember to do, it will benefit us tremendously and everyone else as well. It’s a way of bringing whatever we encounter onto the path of awakening bodhichitta." By Pema Chodron

BTW, there is an awesome new post by 25mlc on the Divorced, but not done thread today. It helped me immensely this morning with my mindset.

Hugs to all!

[needgrace]

Journal:

I read this on keepgoing's thread from adinva and wanted to copy it here bc i want to be reminded of it:

"Try to always assume the best in what he asks you, don't try to read between the lines, wonder at what he meant, or take offense, because YOU will feel better in the longrun if you don't. I heard a motivational speaker once tell a group to always go on the assumption that everybody likes you, really likes you. What's the harm? Either they do, and you can be comfortable and confident and shine in their presence, or they don't and you won't know it anyway, and you'll be comfortable and confident and shine in their presence... I was struck by that because I often assumed people were judging me or wouldn't like me, or would think my jokes were dumb or my singing lousy or whatever, and that held me back."

I love that!

I have been thinking over the past few days that I would benefit more by using my thread to really write about, assess where I am and get some insight and make more progress on some of the issues I had that impacted my M. I have started making a list of some of the things I will bring here.

[needgrace]

My Cainer horoscope today:

"We are all creatures of habit. If we did something yesterday, and the day before, there is a very good chance we will be doing it again today. Some of our routines are healthy and virtuous. Others are somewhat more undesirable. Well, I say undesirable but, of course, if something within them didn't contain an element of desirability, we probably wouldn't indulge in them. What is truly undesirable is to be blind to the likely consequences of any action. It is now time for you to look at what you might far prefer not to look at."

LOL... is he reading my DB thread or what???!?!?