I totally get how the step kids mistreated you and acted badly. But what about just thinking of them and sending them love and just letting them be on their own journey. They should be irrelevant to who you are and how you act. Be better and rise above it but do it for you. You'll feel better, I think. Just an idea.
thanks, CV. i think you're right, better to talk about this at the beginning of any attempt at R. i don't want to waste any more of my life or have H tell me, later, that it wasn't made clear to him. he also needs time to process it and decide if it's something he can live with.
unbidden, i appreciate your thoughts. i'm trying to think of how the D22 must have suffered during her parent's divorce; how it made her who she is today. i'm trying to forgive her.
however, there comes a time when one has to detach from people who hurt them, especially, when one is as old as i am. H's "kids" are now adults. as adults, they are not given the passes that children get for bad behavior.
i don't want to waste any more time on them.
if i'm not with H, they WILL be irrelevant to who i am and how i act. it's not really possible, though, to be with him and not to have them effect my life. what i want to do, should we R, is to lay out how i will let that happen, how it will be minimal for me, and have that be accepted by my H.
that's one of my items on my list of what i want in a mate: one who will respect my boundaries. i think not having boundaries played a major part in how i got here. it's not something i will go through again. no man, no marriage, is worth that again.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
well, h and i have exchanged a few emails recently and they have been very nice and productive, to say the least.
i sent him one about some charges on one of our credit cards and he replied and thanked me for asking him kindly. i replied that i try to be kind but kindness has limits for people who aren't kind to me (thinking of his D) but talking about some people in our office. i think a little anger came through to him and his feelings got hurt and he just replied that he was only trying to thank me.
i told him i was sorry and didn't want to hurt his feelings and that it wasn't about him. i said that, since that email, i had started thinking about some times i've been used by others in our office. i went on to tell him about a few times that i've been hurt because he didn't defend me to others and let me down when i had stood up for him.
i explained "That's some of my hurts I deal with: the lack of loyalty I feel from you and the lack of empathy for me that I feel is missing. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm explaining my pain. You had your reasons and I can understand them but I just don't know if the person I am can suffer these things again in the future. It hurt so badly when I really stopped looking the other way or minimizing the true significance to me."
to my surprise, he replied that he was ashamed of himself for being that kind of person and asked me to forgive him.
he also said, "I am leaning to listen and not feel a reason to justify."
OMG! i think he's DB'ing me!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
wow SS that is fantastic fantastic to read! I am happy for you. Its so inspiring and fulfilling to read when a WAS starts to truly understand their partners and what was once conflict starts to become commitment. Its calming and brings a sense of peace even just to read about it :-)
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
thanks, busting. it does seem that he's turned a corner. he said he has a "hand-written" letter that he will be leaving for me here at that house. he's coming on sunday to mow the lawn so it will probably be then. i always leave when he comes.
i don't know what it will say but i'll let you know. at this point, i'm thinking it won't be bad.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
i really feel i have all the time in my remaining life to figure out what i want and need. i think life will open itself up to me and show me and i'm patient. i'm not going anywhere.
wow....this is a big change from when I first met SS and she told me that she didn't have all the time in the world. Now you know you do. I hope you feel as calm and serene as you're coming across.
Brit!! Where have you been?? How are you?? I looked on the surviving forum but you've been away. How are things going in your life?
And you are right; my life has come a long way from the beginning of my sitch. I used to think it would never get better but it surely does. I now tell newbies this but I'm sure they have their doubts, just as I did.
I hope you're well.
Grace, thanks for dropping by and wishing me well. I wish for you the same peace and contentment I have and I know it's just around the corner for you. I think you're getting glimpses of it... :-)
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Hi SS, Just wanted to echo Busting's words ^^^^^^^^ I don't know what time it is over there with you right now but I figure it is Sunday at least. I feel anxious/excited for you about the mailbox drop.
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
