I know you are all right, and I am not planning on doing a temp check. It is just something that was on my mind. I think I just needed some reinforcement from my brothers and sisters.
Things do seem to be improving, both for myself, and my widest attitude towards me. I will continue on the path I am on. As much as the detachment comes in waves, I think my patience comes in waves as well. I do have a lot to look forward to, and I will build on that.
Cat04, I am not even close to being ready or wanting to move on. I am however feeling a lot more at ease when I am around her. Just taking it one day at a time.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Eyes, I know exactly how you feel! Only your doing a lot better than me. My waves seems to come week by week. When I'm on a down stretch I always tell myself "I can't control my W actions" or like when she calls to tell my kids goodnight and I find my self frally wanting to get on the phone after my son just to ask her how she has been and where she stands I tell myself "will this help my sitch or make it worse" and I find everytime I do it makes it worse. I think you are doing great! You are at a place that a lot of ppl want to be at including me so you should be happy with where you stand.
M: 25 W:23 M: 4 years T: 10 years S:5 S1 BD: 8/20/12 Sep: 11/12
Mastersolo you have just made my day. Thank you! Most of the time I do feel like I am doing well.
It seems as if you recognise your mistakes, which is good. Once you stop I think you'll find your up periods will grow longer. Hopefully before we know it there won't be a down. Only forward or up. Good luck, and thanks again.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Not sure if a baby step was taken today or not. After a couple of weeks of warmness, my wife sent a bag of muddy buddies home for me in my sons backpack. When I picked up the kids she made sure to remind my son in front of me about the treat he had for me. It is amazing that the smallest gestures right now can look like a Lexus in the driveway with a bow on it. And gifts are not even my LL.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I think I am starting to see the path a little clearer. There have been some great posts lately, a lot on Crimson's thread.
Like many on this board, I have been working on "letting my w go" for some time. It has become clear to me that as I do this I also need to show her that a brighter furture with me is possible. Since the beginning I have tried to stay on the high road, as I believe it is the only road that leads anywhere. So if we as LBS's can consistently make deposits in the emotion bank, while barely holding on to our own sanity, pretty soon it becomes second nature. It will take time, but after awhile hopefully our spouses will see that it is not just a ploy, but rather who we have become. The trust may start to return. It is difficult though. I know personally I felt like I was sucking up. And as Sandi told me, at the time my wife was not looking for a dog to lick her a@#. It stung to hear that, but I now see how much truth there was in her telling me that. Once I enough of my self-confidencereturned, I was able to back off, but still make the most of the oppurtunities to make those deposits. When we are feeling empty and hurt those things come off as sucking up. When our strength returns those same compliments take on a whole new tone.
In the last few weeks I have felt a decline in the tension between my w and I, and I continue to make deposits. Hopefully when I am ready to "drop the rope" enough deposits will have been made that she might believe a better future is possible. So rather than going dark right away, when I do drop the rope, she will have a chance to miss what has been going on since BD. Rather than miss the old me, the one that she wanted to get away from.
For those of us with children, there really isn't a way to go completely dark. Our way of going dark is when we truly let them go. When we "drop the rope." When our expectations are gone, and when we are not worried about every little detail of our interactions. And we leave them with a different view of who they left.
I hope that made sense. It is plain as day in my head, but sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Kind of having a difficult day. I am finding it difficult to keep detaching when things with my w have been warmer then anytime since BD. I know I need to keep pulling back, but I can't help but wonder where this is going.
For the first time in awhile we have been smiling together, and sharing some laughs. There have been a few times where she seems to linger on the on the phone and when she comes over in the morning for the kids.
I think part of why I am feeling down is I am scared that this will be how it is.
I know I have to stay on the path that I have been on and let her join me on that path.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Me and my X has had times since BD were things have been almost like before. We laughed, smiled, shared stories etc. Right now it's back to being a bit cold again.
If I understand you right, the path you have chosen has given you good results, right? Do you have to change it?
As for the resentment. I expect that to be normal and I fear it will happen to me as well if things start to head towards R.
But why let resentment destroy all the work you have put in? I'm sure at some point the resentment was one of the least important things in your sitch? Isn't resentment just the ego talking?
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
Eyes, I'm new to the board, but wanted to add something.
Do you ever feel, that while the warming is taking place, that this is only the path to "friendzone"?
I'd be extremely scared of that. On the other forum I was at, they are like... all dead set on "leave leave leave" forget forget forget and talk like your thread here would be viewed as "stupid" and they'd be harping on you for trying.
Anyways, good luck, I plan to keep an eye on this thread.
Thanks for posting.
M: 36/W: 28 T 11yrs / M 7yrs /1x 3yo D Sept: W Cheated w/ teen, BDrop. W Beast. Hated me. Oct: 18 (M license)W Asked for D Oct: 31 (Anniverary)W Paid Lawyer Nov1st: Both moved.
