My WH moved out on 9/30. In October we met to discuss us filing for a divorce together (his choice, not mine). He doesn't want to use a lawyer, but I made an appointment with one to make sure I don't get screwed over. The appointement was set for 12/7. During this time I did a lot of crying and pleading, while he did a lot of being cold and nasty. This behavior continued up until Thanksgiving weekend. I wrote him a letter telling him although I love him I was letting go. Since then I have done a 180. I've been cordial toward him since we have children together, but I don't ask him about himself or start conversations. I only mention things about our kids (i.e.: school related fuctions). The Monday following Thanksgiving he sent me a text about the OW. He apologized for not believing me about "that woman". I did not respond to the text. I did cancel my divorce attorney appointment and I sent him a text letting him know. He asked why. I responded that I could not afford the fee and the divorce wasn't my idea. He responded with a simple "OK". Ever since he has been friendly. He has also purposely made it where his schedule fits the needs of mine. He even showed up at a concert he knew I was attending, I had no idea he was coming until seconds before he showed up next to me. He did several things throughout the night to interact with me. I made sure to act as though it meant nothing to me. I don't want to allow him to hurt me anymore. However, I do want to save my marriage. I'm not sure if his recent change in behavior is due to me no longer pining over him or if he is having second thoughts. Since he has yet to file, should I ask him about it? Or do I continue with my 180 until he makes a real move?
I'm no expert (clearly) but if you want to save your marriage don't ask him about that just continue pretending like you're ok with not being together. If he misses you he'll be back even if it takes a while..
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
Thanks for your reply, Anyhope. After thinking about it I realized that I've reached a goal that I set. That goal was for him to initiate positive conversations. I need to remain positive and focused on my own growth. Hopefully in time everything will turn out OK.
You're right, I wish you the best of luck with that.. And it's better to set small goals and keep the expectations low that way should they not work out well you're not as heartbroken. On the other hand when they do work out it gives a sence of accomplishment.
Me: 28 H: 40 Together: 10yrs Married: 6 yrs OW, ILYBNIL: june15/ 2011 I moved out/ ow moved in: nov 2nd/2011 H and ow no longer live together: may 1/2012
I sent a text today asking about his intent on filing. He never answered. 4 hours later I called him. He doesn't know when he'll do it just that he will. Oh and he's seeing her again. Lovely. I need my life to go on. I can't do this anymore.
