Its been awhile since I posted. I am reading and re-reading both DB and DR. I know they are similar but since I first found out about them in 2005. They have been lifesavers to me. I find something in both of them. I also have been reading somethings that some posters have suggested like " How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About it". I really have been wanting to dive in here and post to newbies and to those old timers that need support and whatnot but I decided that I have been at this for so long( as have alot of us wo have been here awhile) and while I followed DB/DR and was a somewhat success and had my H been a "normal" WAS or MLC then my marriage probably would have still been flourishing because of what I learned here from the beyond supportive friends I have on the board. I have been taking the time to TRULY understand my "special" situation. If you guys will allow me to call it that and for lack of a better way to say it. I am open to ideas?
I am by no means a professional counselor or dr. But I think I have alot to offer back to this bb that gave me so much. I am crying now bc you guys are reading this and maybe some of you know maybe some of you are new but this site and this community will piss you off, will make you mad, will make you question yourself but stay around and you will see they will help you find your way back to YOU and that can very possibly be what it takes to stay standing for your marriage and family or it can be what you need to realize that YOU are someone special and YOU deserve the best. If God calls you to stand then you stand till you feel God in your heart telling you to turn your spouse over to Him. After all the garbage I still believe in love and marriage.
I have been on this mission to understand this since this first started in my life and look at it from every angle. This last time I have had the narcisstic/sociopathic diagnosis for my H thrown in so I have been studying up like a crazy lady.lol
This is long I know and I want to post more that is more to the point but Mods please allow me to post here some in Newcomers and in other forums . I am at the point now where I can offer alot of hope and advice both learned from my mistakes and experiences plus Michelle"s books and books she has recommended. I would never go against Michelle's teachings and if something I say seems that way please point it out. Maybe I can help more women and men who have spouses like mine to recognize and ask how to do the techniques to work for someone with those tendencies.
I dont want more families torn apart when the answers may be right there. I dont want someone to give up on DB bc they arent getting the responses most others are getting just bc there are other issues at play.
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I saw your post by pure luck. If you want to be sure a moderator reads your post, click 'notify'. We do not read every post unless you're on full moderation, which you aren't.
Lisa- you are a valued DBer. Please feel free to post, and if you are in question, feel free to click 'notify' to have it moderated. If I see something that is questionable, I will edit and let you know.
The things that aren't allowed are likely to be obvious: links to sites other than this one, certain books/sites that are not in line with DBing. There is a LOT of leeway here.
When I see the title that you mentioned, I think I may have read the book many years ago, and the basic premise---goes right along with Michele's teaching: "Easier done than Said" and "Actions Speak Louder Than Words"...etc.
Verbal communication is overrated and over-used.
Do what you do best, share what works or hasn't worked for you.
I know you have been down a long hard road. The issues in your marriage are NOT your fault, and you are really amazing to have given this marriage the effort that you have.
