So some of you may know my story and some of you may not. I was in a bad marriage that ended in an affair. I was left beaten down and broken in all honesty. If you want to read about it here's the link
I've managed to do it again. I've gotten into another relationship with a woman who has issues. Things are a little different this time though. I actually have friends and other things I do to distract myself. I actually have a small band set up. Nothing big but we just get together from time to time and play around some and I have a small group of friends I trust that I hang out with. I also am in a gym and taking kickboxing classes once a week. So some aspects are a little bit different than the last time thankfully.
Anyways she is well on her way to having an affair and I am well on my way to madness. She is working on having an affair. She has not had one as of yet. So right now I am starting the 180. Not to try to fix our relationship but to try to fix me. Going through this again hurts real bad but I'm trying my best not to be consumed by it. What does make it worse this time is I actually know the guy! He is more than willing but she just hasn't as of yet. I thought he was a pretty good dude but apparently I have been wrong. Not to mention she has told multiple lies about me. Saying that I do this and I do that. Making me into the bad guy and victimizing herself to people.
She is a lot like my ex wife. She has a tendency to lie. Usually not about anything big but I have caught her in a few. She will even lie to her kids about taking something as simple as make up. I know her hormones are all messed up right now. She had a hysterectomy several years ago and she has had testosterone problems ever since. She has not been on anything for that in quit a long time. There is a seminar she is planning to attend that specially makes the shots per person but that's not until February. Right off hand I figure we can make it to through the holidays maybe but that will be pushing it.
She has told me that she doesn't want to do anymore long term relationships for awhile just short term..ie bed buddy. I am so mad and worried about this that I am highly considering calling the HR department at her job and telling them what she's been up to on facebook and gmail on their computers during her work hours.
I can't figure out how it is that I seem to keep getting into these bad relationships. I've decided that after everything is said and done here I'm taking a long break from dating to reassess myself and figure out what it is I'm doing wrong. There has to be something I'm doing that keeps drawing me to these people that are going to treat me the worst.
I can't figure out how it is that I seem to keep getting into these bad relationships. I've decided that after everything is said and done here I'm taking a long break from dating to reassess myself and figure out what it is I'm doing wrong. There has to be something I'm doing that keeps drawing me to these people that are going to treat me the worst.
I think the taking the break is a good idea. I have no other advice except for basic DB'ing.
Throw away everything you know about relationships and start over with a beginners mind. Best to learn what is needed for it first. And not be content to have a relationship with anyone that is not willing to be doing that.
I do too. I've got to step back and reassess things. Figure out what it is I'm doing that keeps getting me here. I'm trying to get some kind of positive outlook on all this even though it really truly and honestly hurts like hell.
She nearly cheated on me tonight. I found out about it though. I brought it up to her. I simply told her look whatever is to happen is going to happen. I can't stop that. All I ask is that you wait till we are completely done before you do it. She said that in her mind while we are still together same time she see's it as that we are done. She said she just feels so disconnected from everything that she can't do anything long term right now. She said right now she is going into every relationship as that it is going to end and just take whatever it is she needs to learn from it and move on to the next one. So yah...very frustrating and very heartbreaking
Got up this morning. Went to the gym. Came home took a shower. Talked to the girlfriend for a little bit. She has now gone to church with her mother and oldest daughter. I'm looking after the youngest right now.
Because I'm a glutton I checked her facebook and email. She has now started emailing the guy. I figure she thinks it looks less suspicious than when she's on facebook chatting and I walk in and can see she's talking to him. She didn't get to meet up with him last night so now she wants to know his agenda for today. Is it bad that I've been fashioning a bat out of a 2x4 for the last few minutes and in my head already have it planned to be at his house if she goes? At this point I already know it's going to happen and it's going to happen soon. I have got to stop looking. I know it's against the 180 set up and words against actually working on myself.
Another thing that really makes me angry is she's telling him I said stuff and that she said stuff that neither of us said at all. Like she said that I told her "that all ----- wants is to have sex with her" and that she said "well maybe that's all I want to do with him" That was never said. The only thing that was said about him was what I mentioned above. I'm trying my best to do 180's and to some extent I am. This woman is out of her mind. She knows my past and doesn't care what she's doing to me. It just seems really selfish and wrong to do it. To me it seems like it takes an immature person that is not ready for an adult relationship to cheat on their partner. I'm sorry I mean no offense to anyone on the boards who may have cheated and do regret it. I'm just saying I know she will do it and not have any remorse about it.
She still hasn't made it back. Why am I even watching the kids for her? They aren't mine. When this is what's happening hr youngest isn't my responsibility to take care of. I love the kids like they are my own but seriously? I think I'm way too nice and way too much of a pushover or something. Maybe it's a subconscious thing? That maybe if I keep doing some of the things I would normally do she will see what she's losing?
Before she left she said she was sorry about all of this. We broke up once early in our relationship and this morning told me (I didn't bring any of this up) that when she text me a week after the break up it wasn't because she missed me or anything of the sort it was because she thought to herself that maybe she was still feeling a little emotionally dead after her last relationship that ended a year before me and she was being too hard on me and us.
I keep having these moments where I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and get really anxious. Then I will have moments where I'm calm and in control. I know when she gets back the first thing she's going to do is sit down in front of the computer to email him.
So awkward situation earlier. My girlfriend went to sleep and I was out in the living room. The oldest child came in and was talking to me and during our talk she mentioned all this going on right now. I have no idea how much she knows or what all she's been told so I kept it pretty minimal. I don't want to involve them anymore than they already are. I'm sure I've been put into a pretty negative light and that aspect of it kills me. Anyways we were talking and she mentioned how with her mom it was bound to happen because she's always bringing in new boyfriends. I said well hopefully she will take some down time and actually get herself together so that the next one you won't have to worry about getting close to and then them being gone. She replied with yes I think it's just going to be us girls for awhile. I wanted to tell her the truth about the other guy but decided it best to keep my mouth shut. Her and her mom are really close and I'm fairly certain she already knows. Her mom tells her everything regardless if it's good or bad.
I wish this was a happy day. Christmas should be a time of happiness and family. I'm riddled with sadness. I'm doing my best to remain in a good mood and try not to show that inside I feel like I'm falling apart. Last year was a great Christmas. Just me,her and the kids was honestly the first Christmas in years that I felt like I belonged. This year I'm having to hang out in the bedroom while they are up there watching romance movies. I wanted to go spend Christmas with my family but my mother let me know they are going to spend it with some friends. My friends are busy today understandably. The gym is closed. So I just get to sit here with World Of Warcraft and be alone with my thoughts. While the other guy is trying to get her to come see him today because he's all alone for the holidays. Divorce Busting is not working so well for me today. Last night we were watching a movie and she randomly said "Were pretty much broke up. Your job is to try to woo me now" I thought to myself when your doing all this I'm not going to try to woo you. She then proceeded to say "I don't even know if I can be wooed right now" I thought to myself well the other guy is doing a fine job of it and you don't even get it that all he wants is sex from you even though he's been blatant that he likes to smoke weed,will cheat on his girlfriends and has actively talked about wanting to sleep with her. He's smart..genuinely smart. Intelligence is more important to her than someone who is pretty smart,hones and faithful. She actually told me that. I know of the guy. I've met him a few times. I do renaissance fighting (bamboo swords) every once in awhile and have sparred off with him a few times (and dominated him I might add) and he always seemed like a nice guy so for him to do this is really opposite of what kind of character of man he is. I just don't know what to do today
So major error tonight and things are going to be worse than ever I already know that. My girlfriend left me here to babysit the youngest while she went to her mom's and had the guy meet her over there. I in turn took the youngest over there after they left to go out under the rouge of needing to go help my parents and needing a babysitter. I live in a small town so they were easy to find. You can imagine the fight that ensued...
