i almost feel a weight lifted by starting a new thread.
it is raining here today and i am imagining that the water is washing away the past month.
i needed to be honest with myself. i can not have contact with W while she is with OW. i can not be her "friend." we are in the midst of a D. i need to turn my back completely on the castle and get back to the blanket.
i marched off of it last month, thought i knew enough to "go rogue"
and that did not work at all.
there are some deep fears and pain bubbling up. i have been ashamed that i am experiencing them which leads me to resist and fight them and my sitch instead of accepting where i am at and sitting still.
this may be one of the most difficult phases of peeling the onion of detachment thus far. it is confusing as there are big ups and downs.. i start to feel good and positive about my life and my future and then i allow a single text or interaction from W to unravel me and get throw me back into such despair.
i want to grow, i need to grow.. and i would like your help, trusted friends. that is why i am back on the blanket.
this thread is about ME... not her.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Grace, so sorry this is so hard on you. You may have to make up your mind that she is gone...forever. Can you do that? It helped me get my mind right and start my life again.
((((()))))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Grace, it's a process and I've allowed myself to be pulled back in many times. Just keep working at it, it will happen.
((()))
HasGrace- What Bug said is very true. Don't beat yourself up for not being further along. It is an eternal process and we all have different timelines.
Keep focusing on yourself and working through your feelings. The good days will begin to out number the bad ones and the negative emotions will happen with less frequency and with less intensity.
I was thinking today about how the universe has been throwing you a few curve balls lately.
I recall a few times where I was in a really awkward, impossible, exasperating situation and I didn't handle it well. Knowing that it was likely to come up again, I put a lot of effort into figuring out how I wanted to respond. My thoughts evolved as I dug into it. Once I really figured out what I needed to and was confident that I could respond properly, the universe took the problem away. (One example was a guy basically having a tantrum in a group I was leading. Once I figured out how to respond (a few weeks later), but before I had a chance to, he left the group for completely unrelated reasons.)
I figure the universe wants us to learn something and isn't going to relent until we show due diligence on our piece. I may be stubborn, but the universe has overwhelming firepower.
Thank frickin' God that there are people in the same place as me. NG I was thinking the same thing you were. Although D is not on the table, I was thinking I could deviate, I'd be good and cool and friends, BFs even...well, that's not working. Let's make it about you, let's make it about me, let's make it about all of us as individuals.
The universe does what she does...best to smile and carry on
NG, The phase you are in right now was probably one of the hardest phases in my D process....
.... but it is also a time that i can look back at and be most thankful for.
There are those who walk away from sitches because they are driven by fear.. there are those who walk away because they are driven by love. I believe you are the latter.
As you continue down this path, you have to hold onto that. That you are doing this out of love.. because honestly nothing else matters in this world than to show love to others and yourself.
But love is not always easy. It often requires sacrifice and comes with pain. If it were easy we wouldn't have such a high divorce rate, or absent parents.. we wouldn't stop being friends with a person who disagreed or held us accountable....we wouldn't be so quick to blame others vs. looking in the mirror.
... but then again.. there would be nothing good on tv either.
You may not understand and your wive may not understand why you have THIS road at THIS part of your life... it's okay.
But know that the higher road is one with much more difficulties but absent of very few regrets.
One day it will make sense.. to both you and her. One day you will look back and know that it was a needed choice. Not only to move forward.. but to move BETTER in your life.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
"there are some deep fears and pain bubbling up. i have been ashamed that i am experiencing them which leads me to resist and fight them and my sitch instead of accepting where i am at and sitting still."
Why are u ashamed about this^^^^^???? Look this is painful stuff. After almost 2 years I'm just starting to feel normal. My head stopped spinning not long ago. The fears are less everyday. Time is what it will take. Feel everything that you are feeling we are giving you permission to feel them with no judgement.You must give yourself permission to do the same. let it happen, really there is no road map to healing from this. We all do it differently. So live your life the best way you know how. Be gentle with yourself. If you were perfect you wouldn't be here, on this planet I mean.....
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
