Thx V. W and I are slowly back on track. She has decided to stay. I am attending EE next week. A workshop on self growth. I've discovered ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) which explains a lot of my ineffective behaviors. So I continue to focus on myself and I am enjoying some small changes in my W's behaviors. Rebuilding trust with each other. Not easy but the rewards are nice.
25. Last night I really practiced listening. W went to tell me something and I was in the middle of doing something so I asked her "can you hold on for 1 second, I want to sit down and listen"
I noticed she was doing the phone thing and I know why now. Or have come to conclusion. Her GF (guy friend who made advances) has a dog that also was just diagnosed with cancer. She has been texting him about the dog. My W is an animal lover. I MEAN LOVES animals. So I just said "please keep me posted on his dog and his health" his dog has surgery today to see whether or not they can save him
I continue to work on myself. I might also be attending a 1 night Imago workshop that I found 20 minutes from my home. I also found an Imago counselor 20 minutes from day job.
All is still good. No R talk since we've made up.
I went out with my college friend right after work last night. it worked out well. We grabbed a few Blue Moons and some burgers and I got home in time to help with baths and kids. W still fighting a head cold. I sat on the couch next to wife all night. She had her FB account open and shared some stuff with me.
My objective is to continue to keep the positives going. I think any sorts of boundary talks right now would be just a set back. I am ok with everything for now. I can see her starting to feel "safer" telling me things. While in the past I would have acted "as a child"
Anyways just a little tangent journaling.
Kissed my W goodbye this morning on the cheek, told her I loved her, and to have a good day. She said I love you too.
Thx V. W and I are slowly back on track. She has decided to stay. I am attending EE next week. A workshop on self growth. I've discovered ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) which explains a lot of my ineffective behaviors. So I continue to focus on myself and I am enjoying some small changes in my W's behaviors. Rebuilding trust with each other. Not easy but the rewards are nice.
25. Last night I really practiced listening. W went to tell me something and I was in the middle of doing something so I asked her "can you hold on for 1 second, I want to sit down and listen" that is a great way of saying it. Not "wait til I AM DONE" but b/c you want to listen...good!
I noticed she was doing the phone thing and I know why now. Or have come to conclusion. Her GF (guy friend who made advances) has a dog that also was just diagnosed with cancer. She has been texting him about the dog. My W is an animal lover. I MEAN LOVES animals. So I just said "please keep me posted on his dog and his health" his dog has surgery today to see whether or not they can save him good answer. Besides, I'm sure you are an animal lover too, yes?
I continue to work on myself. I might also be attending a 1 night Imago workshop that I found 20 minutes from my home. I also found an Imago counselor 20 minutes from day job. let me know how that goes. Mine was pretty decent, but it gets such varied reviews, I'd be interested.
All is still good. No R talk since we've made up.
I went out with my college friend right after work last night. it worked out well. We grabbed a few Blue Moons and some burgers and I got home in time to help with baths and kids. W still fighting a head cold. I sat on the couch next to wife all night. She had her FB account open and shared some stuff with me. My objective is to continue to keep the positives going. I think any sorts of boundary talks right now would be just a set back. agreed. You don't have to rush it at this time.
I am ok with everything for now. I can see her starting to feel "safer" telling me things. While in the past I would have acted "as a child"
pretty nice 180 I'd say.
Anyways just a little tangent journaling.
Kissed my W goodbye this morning on the cheek, told her I loved her, and to have a good day. She said I love you too.
Well done.
BTW,
The comments I made about your not listening and the interrupting were all based on your comments here. I mean, I've never seen you interrupt her but you said you did. So, it's all just based on your take on things. If YOU think you interrupt her too much you probably do.
And that's not cool.
But as for the memory thing and not remembering what a family member tells you, I really do get that concern. And I hate it b/c it makes me wonder if I'm getting too old too fast, you know?
Anyhow, sounds as if you are working on it.
Get some sleep before EE, b/c it's intense. See you soon.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thx 25. So I tried something different last night coming home from work. I came home from work and hugged my kids as always. After about 10 minutes of being home I asked her "how did your friends dog make out in surgery today. Is he ok" The whole night after that was amazing. She didn't do her phone thing. We ate dinner. We talked. She joked to me. She opened up to me about other things. We just had an amazing night.
Me and W are going out on a date Friday night. I think one thing that happens to couples after kids is you lose this. You get so caught up in the kids and what they are doing. Dance, hockey, skiiing, basketball, baseball and and and etc.. I am really excited to go out with my W. Going to see some live music. Which is very ironic because the guy playing the guitar I taught him how to play. Student passes teacher lol.
25 can't wait to gain some tools and knowledge at EE.
also had another nice listening moment. She wanted to read me an email from her Fb account regarding a family member. So I asked her to pause the TV (think about that you can pause live TV) so I could listen to her.
Great weekend despite our dog having liver and spleen cancer.
Went out on a date Friday night with my W and it was just awesome. Went out to see my buddies band and eat Italian. It was great.
Saturday we decided to get a second opinion on our dog at well know n vet hospital. Wanted to make sure our local vet did not make a mistake in their diagnosis and add closure for us. We need to put the dog down but have not done this yet. Saturday was really busy for me running around with the kids which allowed my W to take a volunteering class at the local animal shelter. Finally at 10 pm that night I ran out to do some grocery shopping for the house because I knew I was skiing Sunday with S. So I went out and got everything she needed. She sent me a txt telling me how much she appreciated everything I was doing for her and our dog. This obviously hit home with me considering my love language is "words of affirmation" My W has been hugging me and cuddling and just being an awesome wife and friend.
Sunday I went skiing all day with S. Had a great evening with my W after. We were suppose to put our dog down today but my W is not ready to do so yet. So I didn't push the matter and just went to work.
All is good at the home front. I leave for EE Thursday. I am hoping our dog situation will be square by then
yup still going good. This time I'm not snooping and I am increasing GAL. I also asked her if she would want to get into boating down at our vacation house. She was into it. Things have drastically changed on her end from an effort perspective. We haven't talked about the past. Her actions are much stronger then words.
