The strip clubs are so dangerous because it is all so fake. It such a fantasy that they think is real. Like how strip clubs like to be pretend classy. Its such a mind game. I actually think for many men the sexual aspect of it is mostly about stroking their egos. I know my H needed his ego stroked more then I gave him. Only a girl in her 20s can stroke it 24/7.
You dont need to force a solution, he is the one missing out
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
hi cadet - thanks for your response - i don't even know why i am hanging in there, he is so so far gone - what i am wondering is the relationship of pot to the midlife crisis? has anyone else had experience with a spouse who is addicted?
addicted... to what? Is there something else going on, or a porn addiction or hard drugs?
Sorry b/c I don't want to enter a "pro pot" debate (I'm not FOR pot) but if it's pot he's smoking, the answer to why he does it, is that it's to relax and escape. Like having a few cocktails.
And good luck telling him he's "addicted" to pot. You'll probably lose some credibility with him if you say things like that. He'll tune it out like a teenager would. One thing my s26 said recently to me about pot (and s26 is no stoner. He's successful college grad, smart and athletic, talented YADA YADA...) was that "adults LIED to us about pot when we were teenagers. They lost their credibility. So we didn't trust much else that got said..."
Maybe your h feels the same?? He's acting like he's a teenager...
In HIS EYES, telling him he's an addict (if it's about pot, that is) is Like saying anyone who has a glass of wine at dinner is an alcoholic...BUT I DIGRESS... Your sitch a rough one, to be sure.
But at this point my main concern would be about OWs and their cost. He's using marital assets right? So, how you feel about buying half of their meals and half of the gifts he buys them? Have you seen a lawyer lately? I have to start with that. Protect yourself legally.
Then ask yourself what your realistic best case scenarios and goals are now. Then ask the worst case and what you are risking by doing nothing...it might not be much but it might be everything.
True, he did not file anything. And he's had plenty of time for it...
But other than what he has NOT done vis a vis a divorce,
what has he done FOR the marriage to survive? What's he SAY?
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I know many people dont get addicted to pot (I didn't) but I do have a friend that was. She is now in MA (Marijuana Anonymous).
She definitely hit a bottom and that brought her to recovery. Can't we say the same about alcohol - BUT w/pot the physical aspects of withdrawal are not comparable. NO, I didn't say it was a breeze to stop smoking pot and I have to wonder if your friend's pot was laced with something like so much of it is today.... but withdrawing from alcohol for an alcoholic, can produce DTs and their liver enzymes are shot for years & they get the shakes, headaches, pain and other terribly hard to watch withdrawal symptoms.
My dad got liver cancer from alcohol abuse and died from it. I have literally wondered at times, what if he'd smoked pot instead? I say that b/c when i did criminal defense, not one of my violent clients had smoked pot when the violence occurred. My dad was a rageaholic for years...what if he hadn't been? What if?
Though I smoked pot in my younger days, a lot, when I dated h I cut it out of my life more or less...maybe to once a year with old friends at a reunion. Then in law school, I stopped altogether. I had insomnia for awhile but can't say for sure it wasn't just stress. My "beef" with pot is how it can lower ambition, but again, I suppose we can say the same about alcohol.
AND more than half our homicides involve alcohol...ANYHOW sorry if this is getting us way off topic...
I just think it's very rare to say someone is "addicted" to pot, and I don't think we ought to lump them all together with harder drugs OR alcohol b/c it does not mean the same thing that a heroin addict means. But sure, there are exceptions....I'll buy that.
While she was smoking pot she was high functioning, she had a job and paid her own bills but she would make bad decisions over and over again.
Not to quibble but don't most of the WASs around here make bad choices over and over? Maybe pot is a great excuse AND OR maybe joining any 12 step program and DOING IT, living that life, is the way out of making poor choices.
I have a lot of respect for those who follow 12 step programs. I think the humbling it takes, and the
search for a higher power to guide one, makes for a better person in general.
They tend to have high integrity once sober/clean and I hire them as often as possible. Just my .02
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"Compared to other substances, marijuana is not very addicting. It is estimated that 32% of tobacco users will become addicted, 23% of heroin users, 17% of cocaine users, and 15% of alcohol users. Cocaine and heroin are more physically harmful and nicotine is much more addictive. It is much harder to quit smoking cigarettes than it is to quit smoking pot... It is estimated that 9% of people are addicted to marijuana."
While it is less addicting, the addiction rate of marijuana has increased dramatically in the last 20 years. There are a lot of theories as to why this is. But many believe that it is the increased THC contained within it. What is also disturbing is that old "wives tales" regarding addiction to marijuana have prevented people from getting the help that they need. Because the addiction rate is so much lower than other substances, people seem to believe the possibility of addiction doesn't exist. Completely untrue. One needs to understand that addictions are very biological. Meaning... there are certain people that are absolutely prone to be alcoholics. Why? They break down alcohol differently in their brains and their bodies. The same for marijuana. It matters little how it functions in most of the population (as most people can drink alcohol with no issues), but how it functions within the bodies of the addict. Marijuana, is, in fact, addicting.
And being well familiar with grr's H and situation... her H is addicted.
i would agree, lis, and that really hit home when you said that people may be prone to the addiction. my h smokes and both of his brothers smoke...there is only one of them that do not smoke daily...the others cannot be without it there is a visible change in my h when he has to go without and bklyn, my h is a high functioning smoker as well
25mlc wrote "Sorry b/c I don't want to enter a "pro pot" debate (I'm not FOR pot) but if it's pot he's smoking, the answer to why he does it, is that it's to relax and escape. Like having a few cocktails."
and i would think that if that were a daily thing, and they couldn't do without - that might be an addiction
Grr... I know this has been difficult for you. It took a long time for me to face that my H was an alcoholic. I KNOW you are on the right path. xoxoxox
