Update, Muskeg behind me, sunrise in front

[Queen_of_Swords]

Hello all,
It's been almost a full year since I last posted here.
Since that time things did not really get better or change with my MLC WAS until fairly recently.
I had reached a point where I had begun to see my future as an open and inviting chance at living the life I chose to make, whatever form it took, and not a burden or something to dread. I am liking my life as it is despite the challenges that have been thrown my way and am content. So much so, I began attending Divorce Care classes at a local church to get my expectations in line and get my head on straight.
Since this was so, I was able to tell the the WAS that it was time to formalize our separation and have done.
This lack of care and concern about preserving our marriage and desire on my part to proceed to Divorce and dissolution had the effect on the H of him asking to attempt a reconciliation.
I informed H that I was open to that, under certain conditions. Conditions he's agreed to.
I am taking this slowly and on my terms, as it now requires from me yet another shift in my attitude and thought. and thinking of my H again as a friend and a lover. Which for the last almost four years he has not been.
At present we are simply "dating", and enjoying each other's company when our schedules permit ( I found a job and am working near full-time).
So, for all of you in MLC limbo land, reconciliation can still happen even if you've pretty much given up and are ready to move forward to a life without your spouse in MLC.

Regards, prayers and best wishes to all of you in the circumstances of that special hell called Mid Life Crisis.

[greatwhitenorth]

Wow! I remember your posts from when I first joined. I could feel the pain in them. I'm very happy for you.

[job]

Queen,
I am glad you returned to post an update. Take things slowly, keep your expectations at zero and remember...this is a brand new friendshp/relationship. The old one is long gone.

Best wishes and I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Good luck!

[grr]

hi qeen,
i am so so happy that has happened....best of luck with this

[JustStunned]

Queen,
Has it really been a year? Time flies when we let it. I am so very happy for you. Keep us in the loop when you can.

[tadpole1025]

Hi Queen.

You haven't posted in a while. I was just wondering how things were going with you.

Tad

[Queen_of_Swords]

Hi Tad,

Things are going well.
H stays over when he can, and I am allowing him to move back in the family home this mid October.
Kids are very glad to have him back. My youngest says this all time : " I'm so glad Dad is moving back!"

The man has changed and for the better. He shows initiative, more confidence, and at last a willingness to speak up when he needs to! He's grown up.
I too have changed, as all of us in the thick of this must. I have addressed my negative coping behaviors, emotional immaturity (this is ongoing) and co dependency issues.
I now realize my own and true worth and I would not have allowed a return had my H not realized either.

Still very little remorse or guilt on his part. I'd like to have an apology for what he's put us all through, but for now I let his actions speak for him and in the end I may not find it necessary.
We're still talking about what we truly need from each other, now and again.

So far so good. Thanks for asking!

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for updating Queen.

It is great to hear that things are going well with you and H. I guess there is always hope huh? Well, maybe not in mine because my X is already married.

Anyways, I'm so happy for you. Hang in there!

Tad

[Queen_of_Swords]

You just never know Tadpole. She may be married now...but if it's MLC thing, she may divorce him too.
Regardless, live your life like she's never coming back and build a good life for yourself. You deserve it!

[tadpole1025]

Yeah, I guess you never really know....

You and a few others were a really big help to me during the really dark days.

If I haven't said it yet, THANK YOU.

Tad