Update, Muskeg behind me, sunrise in front

[Queen_of_Swords]

You're welcome Tad. You as we all did, were hurting so badly. IMO it's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy and truly soul destroying if it's allowed to get that far.

I too have a lot of people thank here. Anyone who replied to my threads and gave me guidance...I am so very grateful for your input and support during the biggest challenge of my life, so far.

My H is feeling a bit insecure these days. I have gotten into the habit of not relying on him and doing my own thing.
He wants to be needed, but I worked very hard on not needing him,not that I ever needed him much, I was always pretty self sufficient.'
He contacts me everyday, I respond or contact him, but the contact is pretty brief. The love I have for him is not the same, it's more agape love than the love between husband and wife. I accept him as he is, but I don't have a desperation to be with him or contact him. I enjoy his company when he's around, but I do not crave it.
Something that was there is gone for me. If I had to label it, it would be trust and passion.

I am happy though, with or without him. It's just that with him he adds to my happy but is no longer the source of my happiness.

During our time apart, whatever he did I just kind of rolled with it during these last four years. I never asked him about his life, although he did volunteer information at times.
I generally kept it to the kids and scheduling issues.

Oh, I did have my moments where what I had to say things I could no longer keep to myself. I'm not proud of it, but not ashamed either. Some things need to be said even if the timing stinks or the listener isn't necessarily receptive.

He told me after he asked to reconcile,that he 'dated' and pretty quickly found the women that were available to him saw him as a source of cash to solve their financial problems. He didn't 'date' long.
He co-parented well, there was seldom conflict there and he accommodated the kids' and my schedule as necessary.
Mostly, he holed up in apartment when he wasn't working and had to be pried out with a crowbar by his friends or by the kids' visitation schedule or their need to get out in the world and do things. My sons did complain that he was often texting while they swam.

He was not the worst I've read about in MLC. He didn't go totally aggressive, blaming, mean or confrontational. He didn't stalk, become abusive,violent or otherwise set up obstacles.

He mostly withdrew.

The bottom of hit pit was having panic attacks that felt like heart attacks, not sleeping so he needed prescription sleeping pills, and severe depression.

That was the point he was motivated enough to want and need a private counselor. He asked me for a name of one, and I provided it and I provided him with the name of a man I seen twice whom I respected but I didn't click with.

Thank heaven it was a good fit and he respects this man as well and finds a mentor in him. He is still seeing him as needed.

He still is very tired most of the time and struggles to get enough sleep. His weight gain is not helping this and he is uncomfortable. Still he is mostly his cheerful self again for the most part.

I hope my story helps others here as they have helped me.

[BrightFuture]

Queen, thank you for updates. It definitely helps those of us who are still in the middle of MLC journey. My H doesn’t feet into a typical MLC pattern, like yours, and I still question whether he is in MLC at all. After reading your story, I’m starting to believe that he might be in MLC. If this is the case, then I would say that he is in withdrawn state. There is almost no contact except for business.

I wish you luck in reconnecting with your H, and please keep posting your updates.