On Friday, D13 and I joined some friends on a trip to an amusement park. I was full of anxiety, because the last time I was there I couldn't ride ANYTHING due to it being just three months after my car wreck. After the first ride was over, and I realized I survived unscathed, the rest of the day was awesome!! I've put a ton of effort into working out to strengthen my back and neck - well my body overall - and it has certainly paid off.
Over the last I don't know how many years, I had forgotten how to have fun - and alcohol and drunk people were not required on this day!! This was further confirmation, for me, that I don't need to drink to have fun - just being around people I like, doing something we all enjoy.
Saturday and Sunday I worked on framing the walls of my parent's/D23's horse barn. Sunday proved to be rather interesting, though. D23 saw a rattlesnake about 15 feet from where we were working on the barn. Two of us 'occupied' it while D23 & my mom went to get a shotgun. Turns out it was a 5 footer who has now lost a fight with a 12 gauge shotgun. Hated to really do that, but, there are horses there and kids nearby - it had to go...
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W still thinks there's something going on with me and someone else. Honestly, I wish I had the time and energy an A would require, lol. I do see why she thinks this, though. I've changed; I'm happy almost all the time, more energetic, in better shape, better around the house and better when dealing with the D's and everything in general. I have stopped asking her about who she's texting, talking to, what she's late getting home from work, etc... Ironically, she is still asking me the very same questions, and God forbid I come home a few minutes late from work - it's like an interrogation.
Last night she made some brownies for a few co-workers and was leaving around 9pm to deliver them - ironic again since they close at 9pm and she works 25 minutes away. I told her to drive safely and I'd see her some time tomorrow. She was stunned that I wasn't angry or asking 20 questions about what she was doing. I told her I thought it was good she had some friends and to be safe.
I haven't changed my mind. The more I think and review what's been going on, and for how long, I know in my heart and mind it's over. I still believe if I had found out about DB'ing in 2006, there was a chance to save things. Timing is everything.
Over the last I don't know how many years, I had forgotten how to have fun - and alcohol and drunk people were not required on this day!! This was further confirmation, for me, that I don't need to drink to have fun - just being around people I like, doing something we all enjoy.
This is great but I have to ask, is there a history of alcoholism in your family? I'm not a professional but some of the things you bring up (for example what you wrote) lead me to think there might be.
Another reason I ask is that your Ws attitude towards you (laundry issue in front of everyone) is an example of how she projects her anger. YOUR reaction to that makes me also wonder if there is a history of some addiction in your family and/or hers.
This is not to say that if W reacts that way there are signs however I'm connecting a few examples that you've shared.
AND! I can't believe there was a FIVE FOOT rattlesnake around you guys! I wouldn't know what to do!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
This is great but I have to ask, is there a history of alcoholism in your family? I'm not a professional but some of the things you bring up (for example what you wrote) lead me to think there might be.
Not on my side. There was a time when I used alcohol as a vice, but, I can take it or leave it. We have quite a bit of alcohol in the house right now, and it's been there for a very long time. I may have a drink here and there, but, I haven't been drunk in about a year, and before that it was even longer.
Originally Posted By: 2chiquitos
Another reason I ask is that your Ws attitude towards you (laundry issue in front of everyone) is an example of how she projects her anger. YOUR reaction to that makes me also wonder if there is a history of some addiction in your family and/or hers.
This is not to say that if W reacts that way there are signs however I'm connecting a few examples that you've shared.
W had an alcoholic grandfather and uncle on her mother's side, and several of her father's relatives were alcoholics. Her brother has always battled alcoholism - got kicked out of the military for it.
From the time I met her, she would only drink a wine cooler every now and then - and she hated being around drunk people. That changed in September of 2011 after she went to a boat party (I didn't go even though I was invited, my back was killing me during this time). W said she didn't drink, but, D22 who was there said differently. I didn't ask D13, who was there also, but D13 did say she didn't have a very good time.
Originally Posted By: 2chiquitos
AND! I can't believe there was a FIVE FOOT rattlesnake around you guys! I wouldn't know what to do!
If you don't have a good weapon, go the other way!!! It provided a few minutes of excitement, lol...
Been a busy few weeks. W doesn't want to really talk about M or D, still wants us to act like nothing is wrong.
The weekend after the rattlesnake roundup, I went out with some friends after work on Friday - was still home by about 8:30. On Saturday, though, W got home from work about 7:30pm. I had cooked dinner for D13 & W, and got cleaned up. Told W I was going out - and I went out and had a blast - got home around 1:30 am. Look forward to doing so again next weekend.
This past weekend was spent working at mom & dad's place.
Saturday night, I wanted to talk to W about sitch, taxes and paperwork - she left before I got home. So, I wrote her a quick note telling her we needed to discuss some issues regarding the divorce. Also said it seemed we're getting back to only talking about things via text messages and I wasn't comfortable with that, but, if that's what made her comfortable, then we'd have to work something out since there is a lot to discuss.
Overall, the two older D's understand what's going on. I've talked to both of them - W didn't want them to know, or just didn't want to be the one to tell them. Both D's also know not to say anything to D13 - that's the job of W and I.
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The more I think about things, it does tend to make me angry - at both of us. Her for her actions over the last 18 months or so, and me for acting like an idiot during part of that time and before. But then I just have to make myself realize the anger doesn't do me any good.
I needed to learn something from the mistakes we've both made to come out of this a better person. And to maybe salvage a working relationship with W out of this, for D13's sake. D23 & D22 have issues they need to discuss with their mom, but, both know now isn't the time since emotions are still running high for them.
