That is probably the very best advice you have given me, 25!
I am going to follow through and concentrate on my own happiness and self growth. I need to take my attention, and my DISTRACTION, away from wife. What she is doing with her life is her choice. I can't let it bother me or affect me any longer. I know this. It is something I have had an extremely hard time letting go of, and now if the time to really concentrate on it. I know it will not be easy to do. I am not even sure if I am capable of fulling letting go, but it is time. It is now about ME.
I am not even sure if I am capable of fulling letting go, but it is time. It is now about ME.
Trust me, you are. It will take some time and effort, but, you'll get there. I didn't think I'd ever be where I am (finalizing D paperwork before filing) because I thought I loved her too much and couldn't live without her.
Not saying at all this is where you are headed. However, you will eventually be able to work thru whatever emotional barriers you have and get to a point where you make decisions based on what is best for you, your D and the future, and not necessarily what you want today.
That is true.....and actually I have an apointment with my attorney next week.
W has, on several occasions, mentioned moving back to Canada and taking D with her. That is something I just can't allow to happen, regardless of how much I want to reconcile. My attorney feels the only way to keep that from being a possibility is to file.....so I am going to file, for the fear of losing my daughter
make sure your attorney is right...sometimes they imply that it is so they get business.
I HATE saying that but I've met other lawyers who go that route in part b/c they're so cynical. And in part b/c it pays their bills.
YES of course, IF HE'S RIGHT, (and I repeat, "IF")
then you do what you need to do. But usually a parent has to have written consent to leave the country (cross the border) without the other parent.
I am personally positive that I had to show two airport security a copy of my noatrized h's consent to remove the child from the country, when I went to meet h in Mexico, and I had our then 2 y/o with me.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
We live ON the Canadian border. We travel back and forth frequently. W has had our daughter all over British Columbia on numerous occasions since our sep. Unfortunately, she could take D into Canada with little to no effort.
Thank you for the reminder about Attorneys. I will definitely bring up the question. I am actually wondering if a legal Sep would be all I needed to consider at this time. I do believe it is almost a moot point. W is so dead set in her conviction, that if she EVER changed her mind about the marriage, I would be absolutely blown away. I just don't see it happening.
Don't predict the future, because you don't know. I'm not saying this to give you false hope but you really don't know what the future holds for you but you do know there's still a lot of work for you to do.
I've noticed that when people get D, they seem to soon after get into another R and don't continue to work on themselves. In the flush of a new R everything seems rosy but then the old problems start to crop up.
Take your time, divorce court will always be there.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I've noticed that when people get D, they seem to soon after get into another R and don't continue to work on themselves. In the flush of a new R everything seems rosy but then the old problems start to crop up.
I can totally see that happening. I need to keep that in mind and focus on bettering myself for a lot longer. I want my changes to stick.
Originally Posted By: labug
Take your time, divorce court will always be there.
I just don't want to be in a position of limbo. If it's done, it's done. I have absolutely no hope left that W is coming back the marriage. With no hope, it's hard to stick it out. I am honestly at the point where I am really questioning if I would even want her back after the emotional damage that she has caused me. She has made it more than clear that her commitment to marriage is not what I need from a wife...I would like to look 20-30-40 years into the future, not simply, "will she leave me next month or the one after if things get bad again". My trust in her loyalty and willingness to work on a relationship is completely gone. I don't think I would ever be able to trust her again. Prior to BD, I trusted her with my life.....literally.
I would like to look 20-30-40 years into the future, not simply, "will she leave me next month or the one after if things get bad again".
This is something I was thinking about the other day. Unless she turned into some serial adulterer I would not have left my W/M at all no matter what. I would have worked on whatever needed working on. It's like they are your family and you should stick together and tried ride it out.
I do wonder if thats part of my upbringing, no one in my family at all has ever left a M. In hers there is no one that is still together with their original W/H. Weird thing is the ones they are with now can be abusive so god knows why they left the original W/H.
Sorry to derail your thread slightly, that post made me want to vent.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
No problem, your feelings mimick my own. I have a really hard time understanding that aspect. I just don't understand the dispoasble mentality.....It's like, "trade it in. Find a new one. Run it till the wheels fall off and move on again"....I just don't get that.
Sp, only you know when you're done. Just be cautious about making a decision, any decision, that's based in fear.
Because I think that's pretty much what landed you here.
I'm not expecting you to stick anything out, just go about living your life, working on your stuff, becoming the man you want to be. I think for some when the decision is made to D, the mind flips to "whew, now I don't have to do THAT anymore!" when THAT is working on the self. It's hard work, painful work sometimes.
How about for 3-4 days you completely ignore W? I don't mean not respond if she talks to you but act like she's just not there, practice for D. If she says things you find hurtful, ignore it, let it roll off your back. If she does things that seem crazy to you, don't judge, just observe. Just try it.
And while I sort of understand looking into the future, you've got a lot of life to be lived today.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
