Much better mindset the last 24 hours since yesterday morning.
Late last night I heard H talking to OW on speaker phone. I had been asleep & woke up a few hours later. It was after midnight. H wasn't in bed yet, I went to check on him & that's when I heard him on the phone.
They were talking about how their last few hours on Friday together were amazing. Gag. H was saying that he thought the few days they got to spend together eventhough their time was limited really brought their connection deeper. Gag. Knowing I shouldn't be listening & couldn't really take much more anyhow I walked into the room as if I didn't know he was on the phone & asked him when he was coming to bed. He was in shock & looked devistated. He set there in silence for a second & said in not very long. I turned & walked away & heard her say I thought you slept in separate beds. I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation, but H was in bed about 10 minutes later.
I know I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut. H didn't go to church this morning & he has been crazy texting ever since we got home. We go to early church & have been home a little over 2 hours now.
The next time H is scheduled to travel is the week of June 3rd. I'm going to keep a PMA until then & not initiate any conversation other than normal everyday talk. I hope we can maybe come closer together during this time & have a peaceful time together.
In the past when they have to be away from each other for this long I think it has helped us.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I think I've made a turn with my mindset. I've always known how toxic it is for me to focus on H & OW. I've done pretty well at not letting it affect my stand or let H know how down I truly am.
Well, you see when really reflecting & looking back on last week. I've realized what I've always known. Knowing & worrying about their R & always comparing it ours is not working for me. Last week I didn't let thoughts of H or OW creep into my head & he was even out of town. I didn't freak out until his 'delayed flight' and turned in to me spinning all night long.
Like uRworthy says…I'm going to let him blow in the wind.
My goal this week is going to be to focus on only me or my girls. If H wants to involve himself in our lives then great. I'm going to try to almost act as if he is gone & get back to the mindset I had last week.
I'm going to use time to my advantage & take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Knowing things isn't always healthy. That is why I blocked my W's timeline off my news feed. I have not been on FB but twice this week and I did not go to her page. I just don't want to see anything that is there. Yes, curiosity is killing me. I want to look so bad.
What stops me is that the pain I might get from it far outweighs anything I might find. I know W has a BF right now. Hasn't been a long term thing. Her D says it is because she is lonely. I know who he is but don't know him personally. Knowing anymore about him is unnecessary. I have never mentioned I know. It would just be a derailment of my progress.
I think you are being strong and I applaud you. I am following your sitch for the strength.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Thanks MrCAS. Neither my H or I are on Facebook. I am so glad that I have never had a Facebook, especially now. As crazy as I get…I can only imagine how looney I'd be.
Thank you for following along, it's appreciated.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Wow, rough week. I'm amazed he talks with OW in your house on speakerphone of all things. I don't know that I would of walked on him, (probably not as brave as you) but I like it as a way of sort of setting boundaries. The least (very least) he can do is be more discrete so you don't have to hear that.
Wish you well, in_it.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
Thanks for keeping up azguy. I think maybe H truly is naive about the phone none is so careful about everything else. Not telling me stuff that he could easily tell me, like staying over with her a couple of weeks ago & changing his flight last Friday for a few extra hours. I mean why lie about that stuff & then talk on your phone so openly? He talks on speakerphone everytime he use the phone. I'd been asleep for a good 2 hours when I walked in on him that night.
Last night when getting in bed H said said something & I didn't really hear him. I asked him what he said. He repeated himself. He said get me out of here. I said what does that mean? He said, this house. I said why? He said I'm done. I said why? He didn't say anything. In the past I would've badgered him about his response & told him that he shouldn't make remarks like that if he wasn't ready to discuss. I just continued to watch the news. We made small talk for a few minutes after that. This man is going to make it hard for me this week, but I can do it.
No talking about anything. If he continues to make comments like that should I just move on & ignore or do I acknowledge them? I would really like a few weeks of him having no face to face contact with OW before getting into anything. When he's away from her our relationship seems to do better.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I've also been thinking that if H continues to make backhanded comments like that shoild I just ask him to leave for the week & go stay with his mom? He was suppose to be gone this week anyhow. Maybe present it to him that if he is so done like he says then he should just leave for a week or so to clear his head & see if that is truly what he wants?
That may push us to the actual steps of seperation though & I'm not ready for that. I don't know? What would we tell the girls? Would we tell them where he was or tell them he was gone for work? H has said in the past that if was to leave then that would be the end. He doesn't want to put them through any back & forth. Now that I think about it, that's probably why he is still sleeping in our bed…because he doesn't want the girls to know about what is going on & if he wasn't sleeping in our bed there would be a lot of questions. If this is the case, why can't he just tell OW that?
My head sure is spinning & for me to get back to where I was last week mentally it is obviously not helping. Ugh.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
In my state, signing over parental rights will not alleviate him of any support. I think he is falling victim to se really bad advice and/or outside pressure. All he would lose here is the right to determine anything with the welfare of the children.
Wow. What a thing to lay on your kids.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
