Made it through yesterday with no random texting! Thanks to all for your feedback. I've been reading Sandi's 37 rules over & over. It helps.
Today has been much better so far. I know it's early, but I'm ready. H's phone buzzed really early this morning with a text from OW. His phone was on the charger & I saw her name flash across the screen. H usually keeps his phone face down & I guess he forgot last night. When I saw this I didn't even let it get to me. I was strangely calm & let it roll off my back. I don't know what this means, but I'm going with it.
Last night we had a decent night. Nothing was mentioned of the back porch incident, but H was talking to me & upbeat. H called me yesterday afternoon & said he was going to pick up the girls & he had planned some Mother's Day activities. I was completely surprised. This is new for him. Of course I'm mind reading…is it because he cares or is he trying to keep the peace? Who knows? But I'm going to let it keep my mind positive.
Hitting the gym now. This afternoon I'm taking the girls to a mother/daughter tea at church. I think I'm just as excited as the girls. They are going to have a butterfly release at the end & I can't wait!
I can say, after a pretty cruddy week I think I'm back on track. This rollercoaster is crazy. Like I've been saying…I'm in it for the long haul!
Happy Saturday to all!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
Today is a new day! I'm calm & I love that. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there & even the dads who are making this day as special as they can for thier wives while in the situations they are in.
Journal: yesterday ended up being a great day. I spent several pleasant hours with H. We had good conversation & got along well. There was no awkwardness & things seemed strangely normal.
I plan to keep keep the same PMA as yesterday & keep moving forward. When I told H about how I felt about his talking on the phone to OW while on the presence of me & our girls I think he "got it". I know it's mind dreading on my part, but I honestly think he saw where I was coming from.
Here's to today! One day at a time. Let's do this!
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It's so hard. Being pregnant just compounds everything.
When I was/am feeling super emotional, I cry, workout, scream in a pillow, pin some stuff on pinterest and start a project...my entire house was redecorated a month after H moved out. Ha!! But, TRY not to react to your H. Now, when I start to cry infront of him, I leave. We have to discuss what is going to happen when his lease is up in a few weeks. I used to be the type that had to talk about everything RIGHT NOW!!! But here we are, having 2 nights that we planned to talk about it and one he had a horrible day with his grandmas and saturday night I knew I was too tired and emotional to discuss it. I just said both nights "Lets talk about it later. This would end badly." He agreed and laughed. Crazy to think how far I have come from following him down the hall in January "You HAVE TO DEFRIEND OW ON FACEBOOK!!!" That was my turning point, the back porch can be yours. I took a week and really looked at my boundaries. My H wanted to move forward with our R while continuing to have contact with OW on FB and no transparency. Instead of sobbing and explaining my why's a thousand times in the moment, I took time. Really got gut level honest with myself about what I needed to feel comfortable moving forward. To be honest, I had gotten ok with knowing he was seeing OW. Once he said he was done and wanted to work on our M...I freaked out. I had set my boundaries of no contact with OW in our home. No calls, no texts. I stated it calmly. "I understand you need time to figure things out. I do not want you to leave our home at this time, so in order for me to be ok here I need for you to only contact OW outside of the home. No spending family $ on anything with her and no spending time with her that would be spent with the family." He agreed and as far as I know, stuck with that. So once he said "Let's work on this...but not really..." I knew I had to set my boundaries. Defriend OW and transparency or you need to move out. He chose move out. I was very ok with this.
The biggest thing is that I have stayed calm and respectful of my H. My sitch could have gone south, real fast. He was an absolute JERK for awhile. Mean. But I knew who I wanted to be. I was obsessed with main OW. Constantly checked out her facebook, instagram and twitter. It was bad. Compared myself to her. But, I have never contacted her, and I never will. Her X (that she cheated on with my H when they reconsiled after she cheated on him 3 years ago and he divorced her. Real great gal) contacted me, I ended up blocking him from continuing contact. I will stay me, with my integrity. If she "wins", she gets to figure out who my H is. Heck, these woman walked into this knowing our Hs were married. They had a heads up as to what these men are like, they just choose to believe that they are so super fabulous, that these men wouldn't lie to them. In my best moments, I feel sorry for her. I've worked on my, and am a strong woman. I will find love with someone who respects me. In my worst moments, I laugh at her. If anyone deserves to be cheated and lied to, its' a woman willing to ruin a family and sleep with a man who is cheating on his preggo wife.
Another suggestion, start posting a 180, a GAL that you are working on for the week. Read sandie's rules whenever you get wobbly and want to contact your H. Post here.
Know we are here for you!!! This is hard. You are awesome!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I have to say, until I saw one heartbeat on the monitor I was panicked this would happen to me...
You CAN do this!!! Deep breath.
One of the other things I have focused on is living in the 'right here' 'right now'. They aren't here yet. You don't know what will be. We don't know our strength until we are called to use it. You are strong!
I've been kind of "grooming" my kids to be more independent. Mine are much younger, so I'm thinking at 7 and 5, your girls with really want to help. But I've been working on more chores and such.
Do you have family close? Friends?
Remember, you have no idea what will happen in 9 months.
We are here for you!!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
