And So The End Is Near...

[Intact]

My decision doesn't have anything to do with the woman I've met. As far as that's concerned I don't even know if any things likely to happen.

I took myself away, and really did some soul searching. I came to the decision that whilst I could forgive an affair I couldn't forgive the way she wasn't there when my dad died.

I actually think this is the first time since my sitch began that I really am being honest with myself.

I spend too long wrapped up in what my wife was doing rather than really looking deep at myself and my own feelings. The truth is with or without another partner I'm happy. I have a great son, lovely home and good career as well as lots of amazing friends. I feel like me again.

I'm absolutely being honest when I say I want my wife to be happy - to an extent our sons happiness will depend on it.

I am filing for divorce because I truly know I'm done and really don't think I could ever recapture the feelings I had for my wife - too much has been said and done - but I'm ok with that.

Because of divorce busting I know that I could be single for the next ten years and still be happy - because - I can make myself happy.

[Papa4Life]

Hi Intact. While a D is never what I would wish for anyone, I commend you for your positive outlook and mental attitude.

It sounds like even though you regret having to make this decision, that you've come to it with all the best intentions at heart: what's best for your S and what's best for you. Your W made her decision based on what she felt she needed, and now you're doing the same. Bravo.

I wish you much strength and fortitude in the days and months ahead.

P4L.

[Intact]

Thank you Papa4Life - and thank you for your constant support throughout my threads. I wish you every success.

I do regret whats happened - because of our Son, this is not what I wanted for him. But I know I'll always be there for him, to support him and love him.

As far as I'm concerned I look back thinking I gave it my best shot. I am strong now - happy, content, focused and confident. I am genuinely looking forward to my future. Whatever that may be.

I really hope your sitch works out for you. I'll be following your threads.

[JuneReN]

Oh...I didn't know you had met someone you are interested in....

Make sure that you are ready to do this and the fact that you have someone to fall back on is not in play. Can you really be single for the next ten years and be happy? Maybe try through the divorce process first, on a smaller scale!! Lol.

I am truly glad you have found some peace, but I also believe a bit of transference is happening as well. Just be aware.

That being said, only you know if you are moving on. Forgiveness does play a huge role in this process and you if you truly want peace, you will have to forgive wife for not being there for you when you needed someone.

[Breakdown]

My decision doesn't have anything to do with the woman I've met. As far as that's concerned I don't even know if any things likely to happen.

While they may not be directly correlated, they are certainly connected. Someone being interested in you is enough at the start.

I took myself away, and really did some soul searching. I came to the decision that whilst I could forgive an affair I couldn't forgive the way she wasn't there when my dad died.

Can't or won't?

I spend too long wrapped up in what my wife was doing rather than really looking deep at myself and my own feelings. The truth is with or without another partner I'm happy. I have a great son, lovely home and good career as well as lots of amazing friends. I feel like me again.

I totally agree with this first piece, and I'm glad you see the second. I just don't think you've seen the 2nd part very long, and to me, I think some clarity comes after sitting in that space for a time.

I am filing for divorce because I truly know I'm done and really don't think I could ever recapture the feelings I had for my wife - too much has been said and done - but I'm ok with that.

There are certainly some parts you should be done with, some things you need to be done with to grow....are you taking the time to see which things that is? Or are you just throwing them all in one big bucket and sending them away?

[Intact]

Ok just a bit of an update...

I still feel completely done with my wife and sitch and I can say I am happier than I have been for a long time. I'm no longer afraid of being on my own.

I have very, very little communication with my wife - this seems to be what she prefers - and I'm ok with that. When we do see each other or speak I am always friendly and accommodating. I feel completely detached - her mood no longer effects mine...

She continues to hide OM from our son despite me telling her that I trust her completely and when she feels son is ready to meet OM I won't do anything to make things difficult.

On to me, still trying to improve myself - I am now 4 weeks without smoking, I am saving some money for the first time in my life, and I am spending lots of time with my son and my friends.

I have no crystal ball so have no idea what the future will hold but I can confidently say something; IF my wife decided she wanted to reconcile she would have some serious work to do on herself to even get me to consider it for a second.

[Intact]

Just thought I'd give an update on my situation.

My Wife and I are still separated and rarely see each other or talk. Believe it or not that's fine be my at the moment.

Our Son has adapted well and is thus far doing us proud.

My Wife is still in the relationship that "began" just days after she left.
The OM is somewhat in our Sons life but has only ever been introduced as a "friend"

I am still single - but I'm also happy with that. I now know that I do not need anybody else in order to survive. I live a happy and fulfilled life.

There are of course still moments when I miss my family and I think there always will be.

It's hard to believe how fast the time has gone.

I guess I just want to tell anyone that no matter how your story ends - you will survive. You can be strong. I did so much wrong - but I'm still here - building a new life for me and my Son. I am happy. You will be too.

[willbwell]

thank you for sharing intact. I hope I can get to the point of true forgiveness. Not just doing it as a coverup for the pain I still hold. not just forgiving because it is the right thing to do ,but to really feel it.

[Intact]

Thank you Willbwell.

In truth I wouldn't really say I do forgive her. I'm no longer bitter towards her but wouldn't actually say I forgive her. We both made plenty of mistakes but I will never forgive or condone the way in which she reacted to those mistakes.

Perhaps I'm just not a very forgiving person... I wish her well, I really do - and the odd times I do see her I can see that this whole saga has taken a huge physical tole on her - that makes me feel a little sad if anything - but in no way forgiving.

[Breakdown]

Glad to see you drop by, and glad you are doing well. You sound good.

We both made plenty of mistakes but I will never forgive or condone the way in which she reacted to those mistakes.

To me, those are two different things. Forgiveness is a choice.

Perhaps I'm just not a very forgiving person.

Maybe you could be...